| 2/26/2008 10:58:37 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43 online now!
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Does it matter only if it includes Bill Clinton’s definition of “sexual relations” or is it something more intrinsic, maybe even innocuous, than that?
I have been seriously thinking about this topic for a couple days now, since reading a thread in which an 18 yr old was asking if her actions would constitute cheating. The scenereo in that discussion was that she was in a situation with a guy who was abusive. The guy was sleeping with other women and had beaten and threatened her life if she left him or went to the cops. In a vulnerable state she turned to a mutual friend for help and ended up sleeping with the friend. She asked, in forum, if what she had done was cheating. In my mind it did not, since she was basically being held hostage and neither agreed to a monogomous relationship. (Forums: Sex & Dating: Have you ever slept with your partner's best friend?) In case you would like to read the details.
I think every couple needs to set parameters and make sure they are on the same page.
Fidelity is a complicated web. Some women feel betrayed if their guy eyes an ass wiggling down the street. Some men feel betrayed if their girlfriend only watches sports and drinks beers with her best guy friend and never him. Who’s to say where the line is?
I asked a lady friend and her position was that anything that smacks of intimacy (ie: beyond flirting) could be construed as “cheating,” with the stipulation being that you’ve declared “exclusivity” with your partner.
I know my views on “cheating” are fairly old-fashioned; it’s anything that makes me feel like I should be saying or doing that with my Gal, not that other person. I have high standards for what I expect of friends, for what I expect of lovers, and even what I expect of myself, and not often do those standards get highly endorsed, but this time, Gal & I are on the same page.
To me, if you’re in a relationship where you’ve vowed to be exclusive, there are things you unequivocally should not do – such as kissing someone else, exchanging love notes, or an afternoon rendezvous in a $39.99 motel.
What is YOUR perception of cheating?
Is it cheating if your partner is, with your knowledge, playing and flirting here on DH? What if he takes a lady friend to see a movie while you are away at work, or visa-versa?
Where is your line and at what point do you discuss it with your partner?
[Edited 2/26/2008 10:59:02 AM]
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| 2/26/2008 11:02:12 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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ugot2bkidding02
Fort Walton Beach, FL
age: 50
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when you are in a relationship with someone there should be a level of trust and honesty involved anytime either one breaks that to me it is cheating i have been cheated on before and she was out the door be honest be faithful and be in love
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| 2/26/2008 11:07:41 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 37
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good answeer ugot pretty much sums it up.although it depends on the couple.
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| 2/26/2008 11:30:37 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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mmaru
Erie, PA
age: 23
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First off, the second a guy reaches the point where I refer to him as my boyfriend and he refers to me as his girlfriend, we're exclusive then. I can't see dating multiple people at a time.
As far as cheating... in the particular situation you cited, yes, the girl was cheating. Was it wrong? Absolutely not, she needs to get out of her current situation, and I can't think any less of her for finding some intimacy with someone who showed her kindness.
My definition of cheating... obviously, sleeping with someone else is cheating. Kissing (as in passionate sort of kissing, not a kiss hello that the person commonly does with loved ones), groping, pretty much any kind of physical intimacy that the guy would not feel comfortable doing to his mother. Cheating isn't always physical... I'd consider it cheating if my guy went out on a romantic date with another girl.
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| 2/26/2008 11:32:43 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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onelife2live
Janesville, WI
age: 43
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Steroids is cheating.
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| 2/26/2008 11:33:58 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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metu
Mansfield, TX
age: 46
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To me, cheating is willfully going against the perameters that a couple has already established. If they have open communication, and if one wants to change the rules, it should be spoken of beforehand. Cheaters suck!
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| 2/26/2008 11:37:50 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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crowdog3
Ponca City, OK
age: 34
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Cheating is when you tell someone else that they can't talk too others but you, and then you go out and meet someone else, and then claim you slept with em
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| 2/26/2008 11:49:50 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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If it does not feel good at the time...*best not do it*.
That is your inner voice saying, would you like done *TO YOU, behind your back*?
There was a thread on DH a month ago about *Emotional Adultery*.Well worth the read.
MOST often if you are desiring to be with another person,(sub conscious level)
and find yourself mentally wondering how you could be there, (whatever the occasion)
and *not get caught*..you are putting the car in first gear.
How fast you race and move across the lines & for how long,
is the unknown.YOU are going to reach the red light of life. Just when???
If your actions feel right it is green, if it feels like you might get caught,
it is yellow...(you might loose what you have)
once you have crossed that boundary with a kiss..you have crossed my line.
RED LIGHTS...we always get a ticket...if we are caught.
Cheaters break hearts, and spirits. Relationships, are
never the same. Cheating is like a venom, it strikes and kills.
Some people think they would rather die than live with the pain.
Wine
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| 2/26/2008 11:50:44 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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mitchell1221
Chattanooga, TN
age: 45
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When you have a full house and it consist of five aces.
 
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| 2/26/2008 12:07:34 PM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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tom_alan
Pueblo, CO
age: 49
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This is an interesting one for me. I have been separated for about 18 months now. I have been true and faithful to her the whole time. By law we are still married. She knows I’m on this site and I for one don’t feel that this is cheating. However, I am lonely and want to find a new girl friend. I do feel some guilt there – just the way I’m wired. Your question now is most likely “Why are we not divorced?” There is only one reason – I have some personal medical problems and she carries me on her insurance. According to the Bible if you have lust in your heart for someone other than your mate you are guilty of adultery. With that being said, she is guilty of cheating. Two wrongs do not make a right. What’s worse is that she has cheated with her mate’s best friend. Thou shall not convent thigh neighbor’s wife. Both are guilty of adultery. If she is in an abusive relationship there are people and organizations that can help her get out of the relationship. This maybe a time for her to gain Religion. For through Christ all things are possible. Confess her sins, pray for forgiveness, pray for Christ’s help and guidance and get with an organization that can help her get out of the abusive relationship. I believe that being with her mate’s best friend just complicates things. Is it really love she has found with him or a bed buddy?
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| 2/26/2008 9:23:16 PM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 49
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said this on another thread
Cheating begins in the mind.
If there is that thought of another in a sexual way that to me is cheating.
That is the beginning's of all the deceitful games
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| 2/27/2008 5:13:59 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43 online now!
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First off, the second a guy reaches the point where I refer to him as my boyfriend and he refers to me as his girlfriend, we're exclusive then. I can't see dating multiple people at a time.
Okay, so at what point do you and you 'boyfriend discuss the definition of cheating?
I mean what if he considers it cheating if you joke and flirt with a guy?
In any new relationship we are constantly learning new things about each others perspectives on relationships, sex, and everything else under the sun. It also means we’re often deliberately not discussing some issues, since there’s the chance of making it all seem more serious than things really are.
As far as cheating... in the particular situation you cited, yes, the girl was cheating. Was it wrong? Absolutely not, she needs to get out of her current situation, and I can't think any less of her for finding some intimacy with someone who showed her kindness.
How can cheating be not wrong?
She was being forced to remain in the relationship. There was no expectation of fidelity or monogamy between them and there was no deception, since the guy was having sex with others and she had already told him she wanted to leave the relationship. So are we accepting that cheating is the sexual act alone, without considering any other dynamics of the situation?
Cheating begins in the mind.
If there is that thought of another in a sexual way that to me is cheating.
That is the beginning's of all the deceitful games
So when you notice the really hot guy walking toward you on the street and then turn and check out the way those Levi's fit his butt is cheating? What about when your guy notices the sexy gal at dinner? Is he cheating?
[Edited 2/27/2008 5:14:51 AM]
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| 2/27/2008 5:26:55 AM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 49
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To notice a person that has sex appeal isnt cheating.
To take note that a person fills a pair of jeans or shirt nicely isnt cheating.
That has nothing to do with cheating.
However it might get you a slug in the arm 
[Edited 2/27/2008 5:27:22 AM]
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| 2/28/2008 8:29:24 PM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43 online now!
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To notice a person that has sex appeal isnt cheating.
To take note that a person fills a pair of jeans or shirt nicely isnt cheating.
That has nothing to do with cheating.
However it might get you a slug in the arm
But is that accurate or only your perception?
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| 2/28/2008 8:33:02 PM |
What is YOUR perception of cheating? |
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southbuster
Haughton, LA
age: 31
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I believe that each of us is born with that sense in us that "we're doing somethin we should'n do" we've all been there with some issue you know the old you find 10 dollars on the ground whatta you do with it.....it usually crosses your mind "whats right" and you have a sense in you that tells you what to do........You might stick it in your pocket....but you KNOW WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG!!!
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