| 3/7/2008 6:28:01 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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newinil
Carlock, IL
age: 36
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Ok folks, I have a scenario for you. It's a little long winded but might be worth the read to some of you.
The names of the parties involved are fictious. Under no circumstances will I reveal the names of either party, nor how I know of this scenario. Further I ask that either party involved in this, not reveal who was involved.
Background. Bob was recently out of work, but actively seeking. Shiela works and attends school.
Neither party is seeking a relationship. Bob has made it clear that he does NOT seek a sexual relationship, but rather friendship.
Bob and Shiela meet on a online dating service. Plesent communications ensue between both parties. After considerable communications, two emails are exchanged by both parties at almost the same instance, agreeing to meet for a cup of coffee and a face to face meeting.
Bob gives Shiela his phone number at this point and rather lengthy phone conversations ensue. At no point during any of these phone conversations is sex ever a topic. Bob, not wishing to interfere with Shiela's homework, nor involve Shiela's daughter in anyway that might be considered inappropriate, avoids calling Shiela. He does however on rare occasion do so.
Bob and Shiela meet. They spend several hours together at the coffee shop, then leave together to an alternate location. Due to the mutual chemistry felt by both parties, things get a little heated but do not cross to the point of intercourse. Bob and Shiela agree to begin a relationship that neither party expected.
Shiela returns home and calls Bob to tell him she is home safe. Arrangements are discussed for a second date to occur several days later. This time Bob travels to Shiela's house. Due to inclement weather forecasted Bob leaves early and decides to find someplace nearby Shiela's to make himself comfortable and wait patiently for the designated time to arrive. Shiela calls Bob a few hours early and says she wished he could be there early. He chuckles and finally tells her that he is already in a nearby town. Bob was with holding his whereabouts so that Shiela would not skip out on her class later that day. Shiela tells Bob, that she was going to skip the class anyway if she had the opportunity to see him earlier.
Bob makes the last part of his commute to Shiela's, stopping to buy roses. He arrive's at Sheila's and a rather passionate encounter ensue's. Bob and Shiela then go to pick up Shiela's daughter and return to Shiela's residence. Bob and Shiela's daughter spend some time together in the living room watching TV as Shiela prepares a wonderful dinner.Bob occassionaly pops into the kitchen to see if there is anything he can do to help.(At some point during this Bob's phone rang and was informed that he had been accepted into a job and should start in a couple of days)
After dinner Bob and Shiela are in the kitchen and Bob begins to clean up by doing the dishes and putting away the left over food. Shiela comments that she was not used to this activity. Bob explains that it was the way he believed that a relationship should work. That if one party cooked then the other party should clean up.
Bob and Shiela rejoin Shiela's daughter in the living room and snuggle up on the couch. They are so comfortable together, that they end up falling asleep on the couch. After the phone rings and awakens them. Bob and Shiela head off to the bed room. Again a passoinate episode ensue's.
Late the next day Shiela is leaving for work and Bob heads home. Bob asks Shiela to call him when she finishes her shift as he will be up anyway preparing to leave for work. Shiela calls Bob and they have another lengthy conversation. Shiela heads off for bed and Bob heads off for work.
The next morning Shiela calls Bob again, and they compare work schedules. They agree that they might be able to get together again later in the week. Bob hears nothing further from Shiela, and sends her an email. Bob explains that he understands her time commitments and does cherish every moment he has communicating with her, either via email or phone, but does not want her schooling to suffer.
The next morning Bob's phone rings. Shiela informs him that she does not have time for a relationship. Bob accepts this fact and the conversation ends. As the day progresses Bob realizes that he feels as though he has just been used for sex and nothing more.
The question....Is Bob right to feel this way?
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| 3/7/2008 6:31:22 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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evileddy
Ottawa, ON
age: 34 online now!
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Yes
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| 3/7/2008 6:35:46 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45
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Welcome to my world. Men do this to women all the time and think nothing of it. God what am I supposed to say.
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| 3/7/2008 6:37:28 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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newinil
Carlock, IL
age: 36
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LOL how did I know someone was going to try and turn this into gender bashing.
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| 3/7/2008 6:39:49 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45
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I'm not but it's interesting that this happens to people alot, what do you want us to say?
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| 3/7/2008 6:42:17 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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sea_wench1
Chandler, AZ
age: 55 online now!
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But Bob did not want a sexual relationship..but jumped into bed with her anyways..And she realizes she has to School that she needs to commint to...Dont' know the circumstance about Sheila before Bob..So I think that she just felt she needed to concentrate on Shcool first and not a relationship..She is just scared...( wink ) Sea
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| 3/7/2008 6:43:06 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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newinil
Carlock, IL
age: 36
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Its basically a yes or no question. Unless you see something that either party did that may have caused this. Then input would probably benefit both of them as I know they are both probably going to read this thread.
Edit: Sea that was directed to the person above you. Not judging either party here.
[Edited 3/7/2008 6:44:52 AM]
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| 3/7/2008 6:45:51 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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It sounds to me like 'Bob' is jumping to conclusions. It's possible 'Sheila' ended up feeling guilty about skipping class and decided to focus on her education and career instead. It's also possible that with him getting a job while he was at her place, the logistics of them being able to spend time together became too complicated for her to want to deal with. Maybe things moved too quickly for her, or the sex wasn't quite what she was hoping for, or whatever.
People spend a lot of time trying to figure out what's going on in someone else's head based on a different person's side of the story. The only way to know what is going on in someone else's head is to ask them and hope they're honest with you. At the end of the day, does it really matter? The bottom line is they have chosen not to pursue a relationship with that particular person. Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why, wouldn't it be better just to accept their choice and move on?
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| 3/7/2008 6:46:47 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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cyberangel45
Apalachicola, FL
age: 45
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yes I feel Bob was being used..he was willing to be patient with her work and school schedule, if she wanted the relationship she would be willing to work with that and to keep seeing him when time permitted. when 2 people can't spend time together emails and phone calls are a great way of letting that person know you are still in their thoughts.
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| 3/7/2008 6:52:25 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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kellyleed
Sumter, SC
age: 35
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I somewhat have to agree with Sea and Crafty
Both of them stated that they didn't want a sexual relationship, but it happened.
Sheila is working and going to school plus raising a daughter.
Perhaps after Bob left and she had time to think about it she decided that a relationship with Bob would complicate things and really wasn't what she wanted.
Once you have sex, it's hard to have just a normal relationship, because sex will always be an issue and complicate things.
If you just want a yes or no answer to your question then I would have to say yes, possibly on both parts. The first time I can understand lust taking over, but a second time?
If a sexual relationship is not what either one wanted, I would think they would have enough control not to have done it a second time. (Hope that made sense.)
[Edited 3/7/2008 6:56:18 AM]
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| 3/7/2008 6:55:33 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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Isn't it unfair to judge her without hearing her side of the story?
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| 3/7/2008 6:58:06 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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kellyleed
Sumter, SC
age: 35
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Regardless of whether he was used for sex.
It sounds as if they are both handeling this as adults which to me is more important then trying to figure out the why it happened.
Once again hope that made sense.
Sorry, not trying to change the topic.
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| 3/7/2008 6:59:17 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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newinil
Carlock, IL
age: 36
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Crafty I wasn't asking anyone to be judged. I would have to ask them to come up with some way to have him/her offer a rebuttal. The whole purpose though was to avoid embarassing either party. Kind of puts me in a difficult position on that one.
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| 3/7/2008 7:02:47 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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You're putting other people's personal business out here and asking the group to comment on whether or not she used him. Seems to me you're asking the group to judge her.
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| 3/7/2008 7:03:04 AM |
Was this guy used? |
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coppermare
Grady, AL
age: 48 online now!
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If she was only using you, I'd ask myself why she brought you so closely into her child's life?  I can't answer for her but imho that move would make me question her values.  Sorry, that part just jumped out at me. 
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