wvareb1980
Chagrin Falls, OH
age: 27
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For those of you who have heard the song "Stay" by Sugarland you will know what I'm talking about. I have found myself to be the guy in that song but with a little bit of a different twist. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 5. We go all the way back to being 17 in high school. Getting together and staying together from such a young age was great but as we have grown older our outlook on some things have changed and we are two totally different people wanting to go in two different directions. Here is that catch, We have two children and she is due in May with our third. We have talked and agree that we need time apart and when she told me about her future plans, Instead of laying her plans out with me (her husband) she kept referring to here and her husband....I may be taking it the wrong way but if she thought I was going to be in the picture wouldn't she just referred to her husband as me? Anyway....that doesn't matter, my mind is made up that I'm done! I don't hold any hard feelings towards her and it's nothing that either one of us did it's just that I've fallen out of love with her. We make great friends but not a good couple. My hang up opn leaving is my kids! I know that things will be civil between me and they're mother and that she wouldn't run me through the mill, I just want to make sure that it's fair for everybody and that we both get plenty of time with the kids. There are only certain people that what they think of me matters to me but on this it's different, people won't see that it's a mutual split...they will only see the guy (me) that left either before or after the kid was born and then I'm the asshole when it's not like that at all.
I've had a couple friends tell me you stay together for the kids, I don't agree with that. I had a great childhood but my parents stayed together because of me and I knew they weren't happy and didn't get along...kids aren't stupid and they pick up on things.
The next twist is there is someone that I'm interested in and get along with great. She does not want to get to serious until I'm actually single and I completely understand that and I don't expect nor would I ever ask her to wait until I am because that is not fair to her. She also is weirded out by dating somebody that is about to have a kid but not with her...now how can I reverse that thought? Can I reverse it or is that something I just need to hope she can overcome? I'm wondering what some of you out there would do?
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sb1229
Cleveland, OH
age: 43
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For whatever reason you and your wife split up should be between the both of you. What others may think shouldn't concern you. People will always have their own thoughts and opinions about your break-up. So what? I think it's great you'll still be able to get along as friends. Don't stay together just because of the kids. Eventually tension will build, you'll feel like you can't live your life because of her (and she may get the same feelings) and you're right the kids will pick up on it. Uh-oh...no more happy home.
As far as the girl you like now, you say she fells "weirded out" because of a child on the way. What about when you get to spend time with the kids that are already here. Is it gonna bother her that they're not "your" (meaning you and hers together) kids? If so, sorry about her luck. Your children come first.
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wvareb1980
Chagrin Falls, OH
age: 27
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I've thought the same thing when it comes to my kids and if something works out between her, and I have made it clear that my kids are my first priority. I'm not looking for a mother for my kids, they alrady have that. I just hope that she can understand that I'm not expecting her to be a mother figure.
As far feeling like I can't live my life, I already do feel that way and I know she does to, like I said we are two total opposites going in opposite directions.
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sb1229
Cleveland, OH
age: 43
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Well then, I wish you the best of luck. I think if your lady of interest is "included" in those times you have with your children she may just "come around." But let her do so at her own pace. If she doesn't want to do the family type thing one weekend, then so be it. Don't push. Again good luck!!
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aguy4agirl
Mentor, OH
age: 45
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Wow Dr. Phil couldn't have said it better SB 
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neohiobabe
Cortland, OH
age: 46 online now!
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I think you should worry about the divorce before you start anything new. You have alot of baggage to sort out first. I wouldn't jump into anything new right now. You've got alot to deal with already. You're biting off more than you can chew.
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