| 4/12/2008 2:24:25 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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spyder03
Big Spring, TX
age: 47
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One minute - he can poor on the charm then before you can turn around he has verbally abused you in about 10 different ways. Consistantly accusing me of running around on him which you don't, accused me of poisoning him. He does drugs - he gets so crazy. I don't do drugs, so it's hard to tolerate it when he does. He wants watch porn the whole time - so tape over and over again. If I complain - he says he can go get a hotel room - my question is with who - if porn is so important during this time. Will he do the next woman the same way he does me? I started Al-anon to try to figure things out. But I am in for a bad weekend again.
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| 4/12/2008 3:02:17 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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mrwally2007
Fort Smith, AR
age: 45 online now!
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If I had to deal with that crap, No second thoughts, I'd be outa there.
No one deserves it.
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| 4/12/2008 3:06:29 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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kittyriffic
Georgetown, FL
age: 52
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Spyder...are you for real? I think you know the answer to your own question...he has many addictions and is not "relationship" material......
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| 4/12/2008 3:33:15 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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emeraldjewel
South Park, PA
age: 52
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WOW ! GET RID OF THE CREEP WHAT A SCUMBAG
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| 4/12/2008 3:36:56 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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reenie4
Milwaukee, WI
age: 51
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Does it really matter to you how he would treat the next woman? Save yourself and get the hell out of that horrid mess!
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| 4/12/2008 5:19:35 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 47
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I've WAS in a verbal abusive marriage. I am no longer with him. I figured I deserved better and he has even told me that he screwed up but that wouldn't make me go back to him. I gave him many chances and he did not act upon them so I moved on and so should you.
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| 4/12/2008 5:31:33 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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michael6967275
Columbia, MO
age: 46
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I could see no reason to get near someone with those "interests".
I worry about your health should you continue to .
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| 4/12/2008 6:04:42 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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I hope you have an avenue of escape so that you can get away,
and not see him again..
he is VERY UNSTABLE.....
get out of Dodge while you are able to walk, no RUN!
When does he get psychotic
and get evil??? Or harmful to you?
He needs a hotel room...watch CSI lately???
please do not subject yourself to this abusive man.
Wine
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| 4/12/2008 6:14:49 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55
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Your question 'would he treat the next woman the same', is a clear indication you are co-dependent.
You are wanting to help him, stop him, not lose him, jealous at the thought he would be w/someone else.
I'm glad you are going to al-anon. There may also be a coda (codependents anonymous) in your area.
Read anything by Melody Beattie. You will lose yourself long before he finds himself.
Would he treat someone else the same? The answer is in how he treats others NOW - friends, relatives,
co-workers. Is he abusive to them, or only to you?
People will only treat us as well or as poorly as we allow. Learn about boundaries in relationships.
When he is under the influence, you are not dealing with him, but with the substance.
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| 4/12/2008 6:28:12 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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rlynn_1
Hedgesville, WV
age: 39
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| 4/12/2008 7:00:06 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55
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rlyn, yours is the short answer, mine is the long! Same sign!
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| 4/12/2008 7:08:05 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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goodforfun51
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 53
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And you are still there. That is A "relationship" that will end in misery and death on someones part. Hit the Road quickly before you become a Statistic with a toe tag!
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| 4/12/2008 7:35:50 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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barbara1
Reston, VA
age: 51
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Probably
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| 4/12/2008 7:42:15 PM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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cocote
Montreal, QC
age: 47
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Well i never was in that type of relationship but i thik yes he would. If you encounter anyone like this stay away - run - cause us women we deserve respect.
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| 4/13/2008 8:40:23 AM |
When a man treats you bad, will treat the next woman bad too? |
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tara7c
Westerville, OH
age: 49
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Honestly...these should be raising major red flags for you...these are deal-breakers in any relationship. It's not your job to "save" him or "fix" him. He has a good deal of work and healing ahead...if he's willing to accept the responsibility for doing so. Do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship. His behavior will not improve until he takes responsibility....and even then...it will not be a quick turn-around.
I can't tell if you are married or not...but if you are suffering from verbal abuse in an already committed relationship, these steps are recommended:
1. Get professional counseling support from a counselor who is experienced in the issue of verbal abuse and who you feel comfortable with.
2. Ask your mate to go to the counseling with you. Firmly and clearly tell him that in order to have a happier and more satisfying relationship, you want him to see a counselor with you. If he is unwilling...go by yourself.
3. Start setting limits...stating what you will and what you will not accept from him. By firmly setting limits and calling the abuser on every abuse, you may bring him to an understaning that he's an abuser. But he may also refuse to hear anything you say and continue to abuse you. Simply say, "I will not accept ___". Don't give idle threats...be willing to stand behind the limits you have set.
4. Stay in the present and try not to dwell on the past or concerns for the future. Your goal is to call the abuser on every offense. Once you have determined your limits, you reinforce them by calling a halt to every bit of abuse you hear.
5. Be aware that you can leave any abusive situation.
6. Ask for changes that you want in your relationship. Setting limits is a way of asking for change.
This is just the "tip of the ice-berg"...impossible to thoroughly discuss this issue in a forum such as this. For more indepth information, I highly recommend the following books:
* The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans
* Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Whatever you decide....don't continue on in an abusive relationship as is. Seek change...one way or another...change in the behavior of your mate...or change in the status of the relationship. No one deserves such treatment. Set limits...if he doesn't respond...get out.
[Edited 4/13/2008 8:41:34 AM]
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