| 5/3/2008 8:35:59 PM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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kamakazi20012
Harrison, AR
age: 33 online now!
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Hey guys and gals.
I know that this sounds odd...and especially after all that has happened with my seperation from wife and me actually sounding like a kid complaining on here...but I am getting to spend one last day with my soon to be ex and my family one last time. To those of you who think that this is foolish...it may be...but, I want to be able to part on good terms and not bad terms. This last good memory I will have will help me to see a better future. In all honesty...it was me that pushed my wife away. I didn't realize that not telling her when I was worried about something like "how can I pay this bill?" could be considered lying...and in all honesty...that's not me. I was doing that with what I thought was good intentions by, from my poing of view and from the way I was raised, keeping it to myself so she didn't worry. I was only trying to keep her from worrying when I felt she shouldn't have to worry. In reality...it pushed her away. Granted, I didn't keep everything from and when it bottled up in, I did finally tell her if it came to that point. We both agree that we still love each other...and we both want to spend one last day together as a family. I may or may not ever see any of them again but I would like to know how they are doing when I do come in contact with them again. I can honestly say now that looking at my wife and her family that still remains my own...I no longer hurt but only see the good. I'm not saying that i'm over her or done rebounding...but I that I'm ready to start a new and I will have this look back on and talk about if any of us meet again and I will have left on good terms instead of bad. So, I don't know what tomorrow brings and that's how it should be. Sure...until I find another I going to want to look back on this and I will probably cry my heart out...but GOD will help me out and time WILL heal the pain. I am very fortunate that I got to know the person I spent the last 8 years with...she will remain a very good friend and I will always welcome her with an open heart. Maybe we will cross paths again later on down the road and try again or may be not. No one knows. But I have learned from this...and still being able to stay in contact with them no matter how often it is means more to me than anyone will ever know...including them.
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| 5/3/2008 8:38:32 PM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43 online now!
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good 4 u. i wish u the best. 
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| 5/3/2008 8:51:12 PM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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garnetlady
Cincinnati, OH
age: 48
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Not all relationships have to end on a sour note. My marriage was horrible, there has been much forgiveness but has taken some time. The marriage died, yet there is still a friend relationship. Maybe that was really all we were meant to be. There is nothing wrong with wanting that last day to remember..no reason to end it bad. Good luck to you.
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| 5/4/2008 7:23:37 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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l2kids44
Lanesville, IN
age: 45
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I sense a strong love between you two still. Perhaps getting together and talking about your problems will bring about a change for the better. Maybe counseling could be tried if it hasn't been tried already. Good luck in your final decision but I do believe both parties need to have the same end results in order to maintain a friendship. If you still have strong feelings and she doesn't,then just being friends will never work.
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| 5/4/2008 8:03:14 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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kamakazi20012
Harrison, AR
age: 33 online now!
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I won't be spending it with just my ex...it will be her and her immediate family (Mom, Her mom's boyfriend, her 12 year old sister). I don't think that I'm doing wrong...and who knows what this might do. I'm not out to try and make things work...and I do still love my wife (we aren't divorced yet) and really never wanted a divorce...had no reason to. I'm only trying to spend time with them as I have always remembered them just incase I never get to see them again. And, if by some strange chance, today changes us getting a divorce then great! If it don't...then i can respect that fact and will be able to say that we parted without fighting. And that's hard for some to say these days.
I would like to get on here later and my friends here how the day went. You guys are all I have to tell any more and I feel that just having someone to talk to is a good start to a better way of life and avoids keeping things bottled up. Later guys!
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| 5/4/2008 8:12:05 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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luvzhugz12
Richardson, TX
age: 42
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I firmly believe that doing everything we can to keep things amicable will only benefit us in the end. Enjoy your family day and keep in mind that even divorced you can still keep in contact with your family.
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| 5/4/2008 8:12:40 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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bonsaijoe
Vero Beach, FL
age: 40
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i refuse to sorry
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| 5/4/2008 9:41:11 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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jd39
Alton, IL
age: 52
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I agree Joe.My ex invited me to spend Easter with her family.I refused.Her reply:You are the only one who would feel nervous.My reply:I'll bet Custer was feeling pretty nervous too with all the indians surrounding him.Not gonna do it.
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| 5/4/2008 9:50:28 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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YOUR DEEP FEELINGS HAVE emerged on the net....
I hope that you can share your writing with
the people that mean the most to you...
your day with them can be a miracle of healing.
Are you certain that it is easier to find a new love?
Do you recognize why you are separating your ways, financial
strengths, and weakness? Are you really sure that this is the
best road for you at this time?
I attest to you, if I could..have a do over...I would
work soooooooo much harder on keeping the 8 year relationship
that I cherished. Something went wrong...but I would reverse
it in a minute...if I could.
It is REALLY hard to find another person that does all the things
that were once so perfect for you...8 years is a loooooong time.
what are you giving UP???
for what you can become???
Wine
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| 5/4/2008 11:59:05 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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kamakazi20012
Harrison, AR
age: 33 online now!
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I just hope that those here watching this post understand what I'm trying to do. It may sound wrong...but if this is a way to see if things can be worked out then great. If not, then I've said my goodbyes on good terms. This will also help me make peace to what once was and look forward to what could be. One never knows what life has to offer. I'm also looking at this as a learning experience no matter what the outcome is. I'll be on here later to tell how the day went. Later guys.
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| 5/4/2008 10:49:28 PM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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kamakazi20012
Harrison, AR
age: 33 online now!
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I had a very good day and I got to go out in style! We went to KFC for dinner...I bought my wife's and mine. We then stopped at a gas station...I bought her a single red rose. I actually hugged on her pretty much the whole time...until the divorce...she's still my wife. And she didn't mind it. We then went for a country drive to two different creeks to try and fish. But, instead...there was an old trail and just her and me went for a walk. We did a lot of talking about how we got here. And it was then that she told me never really loved me with all her heart like I did. I didn't hold it against and I forgave her for it right then and there looking her in the eyes. I'm actually happy that she was that open to me...it actually made me love her more. The rest of the day after that...there were more hugs and memories shared. We never caught any fish. At the end of the day when I was brought home...I couldn't take it any longer...I let loose. I hugged everyone individually, and the one that hurt me the most was when my 12 year old sister-in-law started bawling. I took my cross necklace off that I always wore and put it on her neck and told her to wear it in good health. I also told her that I was still her "Bubby" and my mother-in-law that I was still her "Son" and to keep in contact no matter what. So...yes, laughs and tears were shared today...but I got to say goodbye and I have a memory that I will cherrish either forever or until another comes along and attempts to replace it. I can honestly say that I told my wife to go and do what she wanted to and to come home to both Daisy (our dog) and me soon. We will both miss her dearly and still love her lots. I said my goodbyes and I know that I took a step backwards on this...but I felt that it had to be done to prove to them just how much I really loved all of them. I know that I'm going to have to heal over again but...somethings are just too darned good to ever forget and I hope that time will allow me to keep this memory for as long as it allow. It's now "Time For Me To Fly" and start a new life. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. Oh...my Dog had a good time as well.
This just goes to show you that not all relationships are meant to be and one may never know the answers why. As of right now...I'd take her back in a heartbeat. Later on in life...that can change. Not all relationships have to end in an angry way...and this was one of those moments that didn't. Shortly after I got home, cleared my head for a little while, I went to check my emails and this is what I got 33 times:
"Bye! Bubba i luv u 4eva!"
I realize that it wasn't only me that was hurting, it was her family as well. I enjoyed having them as a part of my life and will be there for them if only to listen. There's no point in ending everything in a bad way...and this was the last page in this chapter.
Thanks to you all for letting me share this touching moment with you.
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| 5/5/2008 5:23:38 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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irparis39
New York, NY
age: 48
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Oh my gosh, I can't stop crying myself.
Although she did not have to tell you that she never loved you as much as you love her. That was cruel. Its one thing to be honest, its another thing to be cheeky and intentionally hurt someone whose hurting already. If that was the case, she had no business marrying you to begin with and with that SHE was the ultimate liar before God and family, but yes, forgiveness will help you move forward to a better place.
SHE on the other hand, is going to wake up someday and regret her part in letting the good part of her heart get away. I think sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We keep looking for that fairytale love that will knock us off our feet and we don't realize that that kind of love has to be planted and culitvated and may take years of pruning to get it just right. I hope you will heal quickly and find peace in your soul so that when you are ready to built another relationship again, this old one will be a thing of the past and whoever you date will love you as you deserve to be loved.
p
[Edited 5/5/2008 5:24:39 AM]
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| 5/5/2008 5:28:00 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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lust4love
Atco, NJ
age: 37
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someone flag paris .she always writes a novel
[Edited 5/5/2008 5:28:20 AM]
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| 5/5/2008 6:39:41 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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bry11ca
Wappingers Falls, NY
age: 43
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My ex's family loves to have me over for the holidays . . . so they can ask my ex to get money from me. 
The ex & I have a good relationship focusing on the kids, but I don't miss her family one bit, except my ex-brother in-law who was too young to really get involved with the scamming.
I still go to see my kids, but luckily the ex is moving away from them to Dalla soon.
Bry 
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| 5/5/2008 6:56:46 AM |
Spending Last Days With Ex |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55 online now!
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iparis is right - that really wasn't necessary on your wife's part. I would also like to suggest that if you really want to move forward, you might want to see her family without her, and try to avoid all conversations about her, until you are over this. I wouldn't be surprised if you still find yourself going through a grief cycle (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) when it hits you that yes, it is absolutely over.
Given a choice, is it better to love, or be loved.....
(edited to add steps of grief cycle)
[Edited 5/5/2008 7:27:00 AM]
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