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Forums: Relationships: Playing games
8/19/2008 1:16:15 PM Playing games  

lilchickadee
Fayetteville, NC
age: 33

 I know this guy and he is playing a game of cat and mouse. When I am not interested in him, he is extremely nice and playful and sexually suggestive. When I then show interest in him, he ignores me. He gives all kinds of reasons and explainations but sometimes I just want to kick him. I am good with being friends with him, if that is what he wants, but when I do this, it ultimately comes back around to dirty talk and him saying he wants me, but if I act, he shuts me out again.

He loves these games, but how can one win in this situation? I'm not the most attractive person in the world, but I am not unattractive either. (just going on a car trip today, I managed to get the names and numbers of 5 handsome marines and had a coffee with a really nice stranger, while waiting on my cousin) I don't want to play his game forever. I just need a way to let him know that friends means friends and not to bring in the talks about sex unless he is willing to stop playing his games.
8/19/2008 1:57:59 PM Playing games  

macca47
Victoria
Australia
age: 48

 Its obvious that you are a very attractive women and have no problem attracting attention from the opposite sex, This man you are referring to is obviously playing games and has no intentions of taking the small bond that you have created any further. If he was truely looking for a relationship then I would suggest that he has no intentions of it being with you because otherwise he would be eager to take the relationship to the next level. Have you considered the possibility that this man is married and that he is just on here to have a little bit of sick fun at your expense. If I was you I would block him from making contact with you and move on because if this man can cause heart ache at this stage and its only in the early throws of meeting him he is not worth a great deal of your time and anything you do manage to forge with him will be built on lies and you will never be sure if he is not doing the same to another women some where else to get his jollies.

Good luck, try not to let your heart rule your head move on and find that special person who will respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, he's not worth it.
8/19/2008 2:21:25 PM Playing games  

thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34

 You win by not tolerating games and move on. As long as you entertain those games, you will not win.



[Edited 8/19/2008 2:21:45 PM]
8/19/2008 2:40:06 PM Playing games  

clubkid66
Brooklyn, NY
age: 41

 You like the attention, so stop playing. If you want him then tell him and make him decide, if not leave him alone because as long as you play so will he.
8/19/2008 2:42:49 PM Playing games  

cyclethere
Ventnor City, NJ
age: 49

 I knew a girl who played that same game. I haven't seen her in a long while now. If I was interested in her, she was gay or bisexual. If I had a girlfriend - she wanted me. She distressed the relationship I was having to the point of termination.
(meanwhile my roomates and her....)

My take- she just wanted attention. I had some kind of medicine she needed - maybe I reminded her of somebody or maybe I listened and she felt heard and understood.
She was (and is) a talented and creative songwriter and musician- but her self confidence is sub subterranean. She now lives in section 8 housing, meds have her bloated up like mamma cass and I still love her - but fortune has us separated.

Your guy, probably craves your attention.
There might be no limit to the drama he can create to get it.

I think this might not help, but I've been there - you are not alone.

~steve~
8/19/2008 3:04:52 PM Playing games  

ironmuscle
Santa Cruz, CA
age: 32

 IMO...When you try to force a relationship or give an ultimatum (especially with younger guys), you can push the person away (even if the person actually likes you)....at least I can say that I'm this way. If a woman is not happy enough with her life as a single person that she has to push or give me an ultimatum, I'll opt for ending the relationship. If a person does not want to be committed, then that's the reality that you have to deal with. Trying to force it will only make matters worse. I would prefer for a relationship to develop over time (sex may or may not be involved, but it does not matter to me) vs. someone presenting me with an option.
8/19/2008 3:13:43 PM Playing games  

chellenc2008
Clayton, NC
age: 40
Quote from thebestman:
You win by not tolerating games and move on. As long as you entertain those games, you will not win.


call one of those marines and ask them out
8/19/2008 3:19:50 PM Playing games  

luckyno7
Georgetown, FL
age: 53

 sounds like the guy is afraid of committment and intamacy and is not capable of having a normal boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He is a f**ktard (that is a term I have seen on here, and I have to agree it works in this situation)
gotta move on and call one of those nice Marines........
8/19/2008 3:31:11 PM Playing games  

kitise
Greenwood, SC
age: 30

 so are u using the marines to make him jelous, why do i have a feeling u r feeling like a loser??
8/19/2008 3:51:30 PM Playing games  

will4122
Gilbert, AZ
age: 22

 I agree With sweetiepie1977, He is on the prowl for a way to release some of his sexual fancies, and when u shut the door on him he doesnt like the idea of not having u as a sexual go to person if he wants. He ends up tugging u a long just enough so he can keep coming back. So he plays his manipulative games, U dont deserve to be part of this cat and mouse crap, U should kick him It takes two to play a game and he isnt playing by the rules so Quit!! U dont deserve this drama! Let his actions do the talking for him instead!! He can pay and call a 10 minn phone fast one instead!!



[Edited 8/19/2008 3:56:24 PM]
8/20/2008 6:20:54 AM Playing games  

lilchickadee
Fayetteville, NC
age: 33
Quote from kitise:
so are u using the marines to make him jelous, why do i have a feeling u r feeling like a loser??


The attention of the marines was nice but it is hard enough to deal with him being an hour's drive away. The nice marines would be 5 hours away.
8/20/2008 6:24:24 AM Playing games  

lilchickadee
Fayetteville, NC
age: 33
Quote from ironmuscle:
IMO...When you try to force a relationship or give an ultimatum (especially with younger guys), you can push the person away (even if the person actually likes you)....at least I can say that I'm this way. If a woman is not happy enough with her life as a single person that she has to push or give me an ultimatum, I'll opt for ending the relationship. If a person does not want to be committed, then that's the reality that you have to deal with. Trying to force it will only make matters worse. I would prefer for a relationship to develop over time (sex may or may not be involved, but it does not matter to me) vs. someone presenting me with an option.


This has been going on since May and I've never given him an ultimatum. We'd have a date scheduled and on the day of the date, he'd just cut off contact.
8/20/2008 6:27:47 AM Playing games  

chellenc2008
Clayton, NC
age: 40
Quote from lilchickadee:
Quote from ironmuscle:
IMO...When you try to force a relationship or give an ultimatum (especially with younger guys), you can push the person away (even if the person actually likes you)....at least I can say that I'm this way. If a woman is not happy enough with her life as a single person that she has to push or give me an ultimatum, I'll opt for ending the relationship. If a person does not want to be committed, then that's the reality that you have to deal with. Trying to force it will only make matters worse. I would prefer for a relationship to develop over time (sex may or may not be involved, but it does not matter to me) vs. someone presenting me with an option.


This has been going on since May and I've never given him an ultimatum. We'd have a date scheduled and on the day of the date, he'd just cut off contact.


So when he feels he has you, he doesn't want you. Just move on. You are wasting your time with him. How many good guys are you passing on while playing his game?