Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they’re ugly and they stink.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin’ you ain’t told the b*tch twice already.
What do you call the useless skin around a p*ssy?
A woman.
Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud.
What's the best thing about getting a blow job?
The whole time she can't talk.
What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop your load in it.
Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.
Why do women have arms?
Do you know how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.
Why do women fake their orgasms?
Because they think we care.
How do you make love to an ugly woman?
Jerk off in your hand and throw it at her.
How do you blind a woman?
Put a windshield in front of her face.
What's the difference between your pay check and your d*ck?
You don't have to beg her to blow your pay check.
There are only two things wrong with women:
1) Everything they say.
2) Everything they do.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.
What do you say to a girl with no tits?
Nothing.
Why don't women need watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
How do you make a woman have an orgasm?
Who cares?
All women are the same, but they have different faces
So you can tell them apart.
What are the two reasons that women don't mind their own goddamn business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
Women are like guns... keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
When they take out the brain.
What's the best thing about getting a blow job from an Ethiopian woman?
You know she'll swallow.
What do you do when your woman comes out of the kitchen to whine at you?
Make her chain shorter.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What the hell was that b*tch doing out of the kitchen?
Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
But I do love all you ladies out there
