| 8/27/2008 9:00:21 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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otheah
Painesville, OH
age: 34
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Hi all. Any feedback you have is welcome.
I am struggling with my soon to be 12 year old in regard to school. I had a conversation with him the other night in which he expressed a dislike for studies. Since the time he was in kindergarten, I have been planning for him to go to college. He is now telling me that he doesn't want to go to college and his father is in full support of it. His dad never went to school either, and has expressed that one can do just as well. In today's times, I disagree and still feel very strong about him doing well in school and carrying on to higher education.
My concern lies in this being a new thing for him. He has just started middle school and I am wondering if that is not the cause for change. I don't want to lecture him and I don't want to seem pushy, but I know that this new found attitude is not healthy. I also know that middle school is about the age where boys start to notice girls and that kids become unusually cruel. I don't know how to approach this subject because I think at his age, boys are more reluctant to talk to moms. I just want to get to the root cause and help him through it. I would hate to see him make the wrong choices in life that I have (i.e. putting off school until my 30's, getting married too young, etc).
Anyone else have a similar situation that they have been able to work through? What can I do?
Thanks.
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| 8/27/2008 12:53:42 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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kissesfrogs
Little Falls, NJ
age: 44
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Wow this is like a flashback. My son is 14 now and getting ready to start High School. He's always "hated" school, average student, could be better if he applied himself. When he started 5th grade (Middle School) his grades tanked, and we started fighting horribly. I've always told him he will go to college, I didn't and I could be doing so many other things, making more money, etc. if I had gone. He seems OK with the college thing but still hates school. I took him to counselling and it's helped tremendously - both of us. I was putting too much pressure on him and he realizes why I'm doing it. We still struggle and still go to counseling. My son's father is not a part of his life, so I have no one disagreeing with the thought of college. Try pointing out how much things cost, at 12 they're about ready for that. With mine, I tell him how much more money I could be making, and how we could have "stuff". That seems to be motivation for him. Of course his career aspirations waver between a Sheriff's officer and assassin. I have yet to find a college specializing in assasins  Good Luck to you, I really suggest finding a counsellor he likes, mine absolutely loves his (she's tall, blonde, and what a sweetheart!) Even I love her! Susan
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| 8/27/2008 1:39:07 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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otheah
Painesville, OH
age: 34
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Thanks guys. I appreciate it. It drives me crazy, but as I said, I don't want to push him so hard that he turns completely against me. The counseling may be the best method. I had him in counseling after the divorce, but I suppose during childhood, it is a constant necessity to have an alternative outlet.
I don't feel like I'm losing him just yet. I only fear that if I let this go, I stand the chance to. It's difficult to see his father undermine all that I want my son to be able to build for himself. That I know cannot be controlled. I have expressed my concern and his father seems unmoved. I suppose I need to put in more effort and express more of my struggles. I've always wanted to protect him from the reality of being a single parent on a single income; mainly because I didn't want him to have to worry. Perhaps it's time to let that go and maybe communicate my struggles more openly with him.
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| 8/28/2008 12:17:46 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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kissesfrogs
Little Falls, NJ
age: 44
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Best of Luck, and at 12 he should start realizing how much things cost, and how you provide those things he takes for granted. I've resigned myself to maintaining a great relationship with his psychologist until he graduates college! It works for us. Hope you find what works for you guys. Susan
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| 8/28/2008 5:29:58 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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pennell23101
Vine Grove, KY
age: 32
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well, mine are 9,7 and 4 and i am already teaching them the value of money and how to earn money. i am also starting to teach my oldest the difference between what a person with college and a person without college makes. so far it seems to be working with mine, they love school and are doing great, but like i said, they are still very young and i just pray they dont change thier mind.
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| 8/28/2008 6:37:28 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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lilnaughtymonke
Mount Vernon, KY
age: 32
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I'm going thro alot with my 12 year old not wanting to go to school. He just started middle school and school has only been back in for 3 weeks. He says everyday he just wished school was over for him and he could work. I keep telling him it takes an education to be able to find a well paying job. Wish u all the best with him. 
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| 8/28/2008 8:04:17 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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pennell23101
Vine Grove, KY
age: 32
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I'm going thro alot with my 12 year old not wanting to go to school. He just started middle school and school has only been back in for 3 weeks. He says everyday he just wished school was over for him and he could work. I keep telling him it takes an education to be able to find a well paying job. Wish u all the best with him.
try showing him the difference of what lawn mowers get paid and what brain work gets paid through chores. also with that show him the difference of what he can get with the amount of money. (if you havent already). it may work.
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| 8/28/2008 8:11:43 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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lilnaughtymonke
Mount Vernon, KY
age: 32
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| 8/29/2008 5:38:20 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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madmaxx1968
Mentor, OH
age: 40
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have you looked into online schooling? my daughter has struggled with the school thing for the past couple of years. i have a couple of friends who have their kids in online school so i decided to give it a try. the year has just begun but my daughter really enjoys it. doesn't have to worry about any peer pressure or other bs. the website for ohio's online school is ohva.org
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| 8/29/2008 5:01:02 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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otheah
Painesville, OH
age: 34
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have you looked into online schooling? my daughter has struggled with the school thing for the past couple of years. i have a couple of friends who have their kids in online school so i decided to give it a try. the year has just begun but my daughter really enjoys it. doesn't have to worry about any peer pressure or other bs. the website for ohio's online school is ohva.org
If I could be there with him to go through the online schooling, I would definitely give it a try. I just think at almost 12, he needs to be out in the public learning how to deal with real time issues. There's also a problem with my being a full time employee and a full time student. Even though my school is online, I'm wondering if that doesn't play into some of his angst. While I do spend time with him, especially on the weekends, most of my week days are very hectic.
I've set up a counseling appointment for him next week. He's not particularly happy about it, but I've tried to reassure him that there is nothing wrong with him and it is for the both of us. This is the preteen portion of his life where rebellion is common as he struggles to find himself. The good news is that he is not cutting himself or wearing black lipstick and shoving safety pins through his nose... let's just hope I can keep this from happening before it all starts. My niece is 15 and is going through that nonsense right now. In a lot of ways, I think it's easier with boys, but that's just from what I've seen with my immediate family.
Thanks for all of your input.
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| 8/29/2008 5:04:02 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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pennell23101
Vine Grove, KY
age: 32
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i agree about hte real time issues. i am a firm believer that public schools introduce kids to all types of attitudes and it helps them recognize and deal with different personalities later in life.
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| 8/31/2008 3:35:00 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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stringsvrs
Syracuse, NY
age: 51
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 Otheah
Raising children always becomes a struggle when they approach their adolescent years, especially if we have lost touch of when too we ourselves were their age.
Leading by example is the best policy I believe as it allows the child to determine for their self what is best for them. After all, they are making their way in their path in this realm and we are obligated to respect their decisions in our Unconditional Love.
Also, we are to guide them and not dictate to them. You appear to have a keen sense of intelligence; I do believe that you will (with your actions and verbal urgings) convince him to make wise decisions in his life, that they are his choices and will follow him where ever he goes.
If you mentor your son into incorporating Observing Others lives into his decision making process, I highly doubt that he will desire to live a life lower than the standard that you live your life. Caution yourself on Pushing your desire as it just may push him away.
Respecting him without Pushing will more likely draw him towards you and your way of electing to live.
Greatest of Peace and Love
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| 8/31/2008 8:06:56 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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alixander
Boca Raton, FL
age: 35
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I went through the same thing at his age. Just ask him what he want's to do with his life. Remind him that the more you know the more of the world is open to you. A good education can take you anywhere you want to go. I teach my son martial arts and always remind that the most valuable tool (and weapon) we have is our mind, and it has to be developed and trained just like our body.
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| 9/2/2008 12:49:34 PM |
Need some parental advice... |
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vyper68
Amanda, OH
age: 39
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one thing i have learned from raising three girls. to win the war you dont have to win every battle.
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| 9/4/2008 8:15:22 AM |
Need some parental advice... |
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sajoe
San Antonio, TX
age: 34
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 I was that troubled teen/pre-teen . Now i am the concerned father. As i grew up i had no support, no mentor, I made alot of mistakes. Now with my girls, i know what i dont want them to see and i encourage them daily. I tell them that their possabilities are endless but their choices will dictate their future. I learned my way through traveling and seeing/learning new things. Now i try to show my girls new, positive and exciting things. I guess what im trying to tell you is encourage, teach and don't let them get stuck in that bubble. Good Luck!!
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