How to Rope a Deer

9/11/2008 8:59:44 PM	How to Rope a Deer
judge15235 James Creek, PA age: 62	I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up…3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education. The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder…a little trap I had set beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head…almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that the re is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like !!!!. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling "what happened" I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear….not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer.” I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me…I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did.
9/12/2008 5:13:20 AM	How to Rope a Deer
liatris Fairfield, CT age: 43
9/12/2008 5:25:00 AM	How to Rope a Deer
wisegirl33 Queensland Australia age: 44	I really enjoyed your story and I wanted to tell you that although I was originally horrified that you were obviously trying to enslave a "wild and beautiful creature...But as I read on, I saw that you obviously came to your senses and realised that your actions were wrong. So, good for you and your honesty. I hope you are both all right now and your wounds have healed. Regards, wisegirl33 - 12 Sept 08 at 10:27 pm Aest 10:28pm Aest [Edited 9/12/2008 5:26:04 AM]
9/12/2008 5:37:21 AM	How to Rope a Deer
hopefloats4us Grantsburg, WI age: 37	[Edited 9/12/2008 5:41:50 AM]
9/12/2008 5:47:19 AM	How to Rope a Deer
paken Bonneau, SC age: 64	Funny story Judge.
9/12/2008 5:53:33 AM	How to Rope a Deer
romneve Gainesville, FL age: 88	Redneck's famous last words: "Hey ya'll watch this!" This sounds like some of the stories my family tells... Hope your recovery is swift, your pride might take a bit longer.
9/12/2008 7:05:27 AM	How to Rope a Deer
liatris Fairfield, CT age: 43	Remember everyone this story has been around for a long, long time.
9/12/2008 7:10:08 AM	How to Rope a Deer
wisegirl33 Queensland Australia age: 44	Liatris - I have not heard it down here. IE Australia. It is not common to have deer here. Otherwise, you have most certainly pulled the wool over my eyes. I still like the story though. Regards wisegirl33 - 13 Sept 08 at 0012am Aest
9/13/2008 11:01:09 PM	How to Rope a Deer
judge15235 James Creek, PA age: 62	Lots of these jokes have been around for a long time, some I remember from when I was a kid. they still get laughs from those that havn't seen them.
9/14/2008 6:50:01 AM	How to Rope a Deer
liatris Fairfield, CT age: 43	Quote from judge15235: Lots of these jokes have been around for a long time, some I remember from when I was a kid. they still get laughs from those that havn't seen them. I think the charm of some of these jokes is the fact that sometimes they are believable and some take them seriously. Having grown up in an area that is abundant with deer, it is a known fact how nasty these beautiful creatures can be. True story; While working one day early summer, I saw two very nicely dressed woman approach a very young fawn with a blanket. When asked what they were doing, was told that they were worried that the mother deer had abandoned the fawn. It seems the mother and baby traveled through this yard than the mother jumped a fence, leaving the baby behind. These two intelligent women decided to try and round up the baby with a blanket to lift over the fence. I reminded these two that they were wild creatures better off left alone. Well, they didn't listen to me. I was forced to call animal control. Aside from a lecture for the control officer the both ended up with ruined outfits and one of these woman even got a nasty bite for her efforts to reunite the deer. When the dust settled down and everyone left the area Momma deer came back for her baby.
9/15/2008 12:01:19 AM	How to Rope a Deer
judge15235 James Creek, PA age: 62	I can appreciate what you are talking about Liatris, I have had unique experiences in the past with white tail deer in the woods of Pennsylvania, a doe nudged me while I was sleeping at the base of a tree, I was archery hunting, got tired, and layed against the trunk. She practically scared the s***t out of me! LOL

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