| 9/22/2008 1:26:07 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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cutegenes007
Phoenix, AZ
age: 30
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I have a theory and I am curious to know the opionions of my fellow datehookuppers : ). I think that in describing the qualities we seek in our profiles, we are largely describing the shortcomings of our last significant other....the more specific the traits we describe, the more likely they are things that were missing in our immediately previous experience. What are your thoughts?
Dancin' Nanners for World Peace!!
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| 9/22/2008 1:30:59 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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cutegenes007
Phoenix, AZ
age: 30
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**opinions, even
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| 9/22/2008 2:24:22 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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kiwi48
Mesquite, NV
age: 51
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I'm changing my profile to: Seeking beautiful lady who is comfortable in a white tank-top, jeans and sandals...
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| 9/22/2008 6:52:32 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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abundance1961
Mesa, AZ
age: 47
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Actually, I like many of the personal characteristics of the last woman I was involved with. There are some I would have differently, such as, I wish she would have been more active and taken better care of herself. However, her honesty, kindness, affectionate personality were great, as were her sense of humor and her intelligence. I think you may be right about this question in people who blame their "Ex" for all the failures of the relationship. I know the break-up occured due to factors in both of us. Certainly their are things i would have handled differently. I guess we all have 20/20 hindsight.
[Edited 9/22/2008 6:54:03 PM PST]
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| 9/22/2008 7:13:20 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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cutegenes007
Phoenix, AZ
age: 30
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Thanks kiwi, the sweetest of fruits : )
Abundance, your point that these missed qualities are often named as the reason for the demise of things (rather than acceptance of **some** responsibility) was a wise one.
I picked a random profile to better illustrate...
I am looking for a girl that when I see her, I go "Man She's the One"! I would like to meet a cute girl next door type who doesent take herself too serious and loves to kick back and watch a great 80's movie, Like "The Breakfast Club". Is cute but not in love with herself. Someone who cant wait till you get off of work so she can see you. Someone who wants to make plans and have a good family connection, with love and harmony! She needs to be a Christian but not a religious psycho. Someone who knows God in their own personal way. A Church could be chosen together as a team. Someone who doesent need a rich man to be full of love and happiness. Just someone to become a team with and build each other up and not tear each other down and of course, someone faithful and kind.I like my Oklahoma Sooners Football! I enjoy moderate cardio exercise and love to eat a big old steak as often as possible! I also love 80's music and movies. I am also into studying history and sir names. I am not a nerd just a goof ball.
From this I gather that this random 30something guy was with a girl who was very critical and into herself, who was not much interested in his company or financial status, who caused somekind of familial strife, which may or may not be attributed to her being a religious extremist.
How am I doing? 
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| 9/22/2008 10:44:19 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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fronczek
Phoenix, AZ
age: 21
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There is only so much you can put on a profile to try and show people that your Good person. And it really doesnt do some people just for how amazing they really are. I dont know i just thought this would work alot better than it does. But maybe its to soon to tell. Im intrested in a few people but will see how things go.   
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| 9/23/2008 3:06:36 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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dale48
Mesa, AZ
age: 60
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Cutegenes, if I were just 20 or so years younger...anyone know where I can find a machine to make me younger?
I think you are right about a lot of them. Mine is no exception and I think I am going to rethink it a bit. I'm not bitter about the past, but I certainly don't want to repeat it either. The absolute worst thing we can do is take previous pain out on a new relationship.
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| 9/25/2008 9:02:58 PM |
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aaronl
Tucson, AZ
age: 30
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i believe you have a valid point..... many, possibley most are like that....
i do believe that mine actually has the same qualities my ex had, thats why i was with her(we just didn't work because of our own personal issues clashing and feeding off each other)
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| 9/27/2008 6:44:11 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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falconkpr
Tucson, AZ
age: 34
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Of course they are. I think that with every failed relationship comes a sort of self realization of what was missing. From these failures comes another piece of the puzzle in the hopes that it is the last piece. Sometimes we can finish the puzzle and sometimes we find someone that allows us to mentally finish the puzzle. Instead of looking at what went wrong it would probably do us good to find out what went right. And through that I think that we post our "wanted qualities" in someone else. Just one persons thought.
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| 9/27/2008 7:19:01 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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tempehotodave
Chandler, AZ
age: 47
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Nothing on my profile indicates anything about my ex-girlfriends shortcomings. She was good for me, but, not exactly right. Little details/chemistry weren't quite there. I hope my next girlfriend will be as good as my last... just a little different, to make a better match.
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| 9/27/2008 11:09:08 PM |
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azvianc
Scottsdale, AZ
age: 43
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My heart goes out to you in that you describe yourself as atheist. Who but, God, could take you from and embryo into the young lady you are right now. I pray that the actions of just one Christian will touch your life and you may be open minded to the opportunity to engage in a life after this one.
Take good care in your search. I wish you the best. I just happened to see your note on a male forum that I had heard from.
No response is necessary unless you have an interest in hearing more about my religious thoughts. Kind regards.
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| 9/28/2008 9:35:40 AM |
Profiles & Insights |
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weatherwench
Tucson, AZ
age: 39
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I think you have a point in how people write but I also think that it is those traits described in a profile that an ex exaserbated the lack of that you notice when they are not provided and when moving on to the next person point out so that they aren't lacking again. I also feel you write the good traits down so again they are not missing from the picture. What did one great mind say " your are what you are from your experiences" .
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| 9/28/2008 9:45:58 AM |
Profiles & Insights |
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deafears
Green Valley, AZ
age: 30
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You seem perceptive at the least, you definitely have a point. People do all sorts of things without realizing what their underlying motives are. Such as pointing out atheism in someone as if it were a bad thing to question what so many others just blindly except.
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| 9/28/2008 10:02:00 AM |
Profiles & Insights |
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socata
Glendale, AZ
age: 30
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1.Learn from your mistakes...
2.Dare to make new mistakes...Dare not to commit old ones.
I guess first relationship is more like buying your first car! You are not sure what features are important, till you actually own one...
We all become refined from our past...well, its part of the theory of natural selection!!!
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| 9/30/2008 10:38:31 PM |
Profiles & Insights |
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abundance1961
Mesa, AZ
age: 47
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Cutegenes,
I believe that we both have valid insights into what goes into the qualities people look both to avoid, and those qualities that are deemed desirable. It is only natural to refine one's sense of what one wants through experiences both negative and positive in relationships. This is actually essential to finding the kind of relationship/partner that will ultimately make you both happy. This only really works for people who can be realistic, objective and fair about the relationship and their own role in the eventual demise of a dysfunctional relationship. People who are all about how bad their “Ex” was are unable to see their own mistakes and also unable to avoid picking the same kind of person or situation the next time they have a relationship. People who become bitter about the other gender are always ready to find fault with the other person and not negotiate an equitable rectification of issues. In addition, bitterness is apparent to other people with any kind of insight and is not an attractive characteristic. When I see it, I run the other way. If the two people have personalities, issues or lifestyles that cause conflict, then they need to learn to recognize these qualities in themselves and any the other person. Couples don’t have to be identical in their likes/dislikes and interests, but there needs to be some overlap. In my opinion, there needs also to be mutual attraction, concern for the other person's best interests, acceptance, respect, honest & constructive communication and shared ideals and agreement on the structure of the relationship. For example; if the man likes to spend 4-5 nights out per week with “the boys‘ and only 2-3 nights with the woman, this needs to be agreed on. If the relationship progresses to living together or marriage, agreement needs to happen on careers, finances, chores, whether or not to have children and how to raise them.
Relationships, especially these days are so complex, it's no wonders so many go sour. If you love someone, accept them as they are, they're not likely to change much. If you can't accept them as they are, you're better off apart or as just friends,
[Edited 9/30/2008 10:43:15 PM PST]
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