| 10/1/2008 6:23:52 PM |
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felicia_alexis
Ventura, CA
age: 23
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I am in the middle of my divorce and we have a 2 and 3 year old. He has on more than on occassion refused to take the kids when he is supossed to and it causes me not to be able to work. Last night he did it again. I am now going to file for full custody and do what I can to keep them away from him. Its not fair for him to take them when is convienant. I am stressed because I now have to find daycare that I cannot afford and I have to find time to go to the courthouse. I also was going to go back to school next semester and I doubt that is happening. Any advice would be great.
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| 10/1/2008 7:57:14 PM |
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55mm
Comstock Park, MI
age: 38
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that is a tough one. It's too bad some guys are such inactive fathers. that only hurts the kids.
I wish I had a good answer for you. there are so many people finding themselves in the same situation. If money is an issue, you should be able to get state assistance. Woman with children get a lot of help with heating bills and WIC. That should help a little. Maybe there's a family member who could be the day care.
And instead of fighting with him, which seems to be a loosing battle, maybe some counseling wouldn't hurt. Also, document all the times he refuses to take the kids on his scheduled time. That can only help you in the long run if it has to keep going back to court.
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| 10/1/2008 11:04:33 PM |
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southernbelle01
Watertown, NY
age: 48
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HI
It is best if you keep your situation as legal as possible. Do not let him set certain times to get the kids, then not show.
I agree with 55mm. There are services out there which will help you. Don't be ashamed to use the services. Since you are a single mom, some states will pay for you to go to college. Department of Social Services will help you to pay for a babysitter. There is HEAP for your electric bill and WIC to help out on food. I have 2 degrees in Community and Human Services, and please believe me....there are so many services for single mothers. Some states even offer a service to get a mom with children a car. Now is a excellent chance for you to get ahead in the world.....GO FOR IT!!! 
Your first step would be to file a petition in family court for custody...then call your local Department of Social Services....tell them your sitution, and go from there. Also, going to a Counselor would be a great idea. Remember, you are not SUPER WOMAN!! You need someone to help keep your thoughts straight and sensible.
Good Luck!! And remember....KEEP SMILING!! 
[Edited 10/1/2008 11:10:07 PM]
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| 10/2/2008 5:27:41 PM |
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felicia_alexis
Ventura, CA
age: 23
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Thank you so much. I am so sick of men and not wanting to own up to their responsibilities. Makes me angry
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| 10/2/2008 5:59:02 PM |
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jennieann68
Council Bluffs, IA
age: 40
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I am wondering why you are going to put the kids in the middle. Unless he is physically harming the children it is WRONG to use them as a weapon. Think about the kids and not your anger. The children didn't ask to be put in this position and it's wrong for you to with hold them from thier father. Unless you have better reasons what you are doing is wrong. You both are playing head games and the kids are paying for it.
 rethink your thinking, because the kids are the ones suffering.
JMO
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| 10/2/2008 6:41:10 PM |
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southernbelle01
Watertown, NY
age: 48
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Thank you so much. I am so sick of men and not wanting to own up to their responsibilities. Makes me angry
HI again,
Don't worry about what men do or don't do. Your first responsibility are your children, your second responsibility is you. Make sure you and your kids have everything you guys need. Make sure all are doing ok. You can make yourself and your children strong minded. You can make it without your husband or any other man in your life. Thousands of females have raised their children without assistance of a male....you can too. If he does not want anything to do with his children, then that is OK. And just as the other lady commented, don't put your children in the middle. Don't use them to bribe or to threaten. It is not your childrens fault that mom and dad is not getting along. Treat your children with respect, love, understanding and caring.
Take Care
Dora
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| 10/3/2008 10:20:09 AM |
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felicia_alexis
Ventura, CA
age: 23
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I'm not putting them in the middle. I just dont want them to be with him and then him just leave them with whoever because he decided again he doesn't want to take care of them. What he is doing is worng. Refusing to take them when its his turn is not right and he shouldn't get to pick and choose based off of when its perfect timing for him. Not the way it works
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| 10/3/2008 5:26:00 PM |
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time1
Oak Bluffs, MA
age: 45
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thats why you need an older mature hansome guy like myself,lol just kidden,go for full custody it seems like hes doing it just for spite,he must still want you,
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| 10/3/2008 5:59:50 PM |
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folsom66
Folsom, CA
age: 38
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I know it is difficult on both of you right now. However once you have a parenting plan everything should work itself out. I had nothing but troubles with my ex in regards to our kids. I would show up on my scheduled days to retrieve them and her and the kids were not there. Then I would get a call two hours later telling me to come pick them up. But again, after we had a parenting plan registered with the court everything went much smoother.
The really important thing is the children. They love their mother and father and don't care about the details. I know it is easy to pick up the brick and throw it back when you hear things from the kids about what your ex says. But they don't want to hear about any of it. Good luck with everything and yes it does it better.
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| 10/3/2008 6:34:40 PM |
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casual37
Norcross, GA
age: 37
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I agree.Being fatherless since i was 3 years old i understand whats it like with a parent not taking care of there duties as a parent.I think its admirable that througout all of this mess.That you wanna study and all.I would take one step at a time so it doesnt overwhelm you.You will be rewarded for being a caring parent.Then again he will be judged also.What goes around comes around
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| 10/3/2008 8:44:32 PM |
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southernbelle01
Watertown, NY
age: 48
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I'm not putting them in the middle. I just dont want them to be with him and then him just leave them with whoever because he decided again he doesn't want to take care of them. What he is doing is worng. Refusing to take them when its his turn is not right and he shouldn't get to pick and choose based off of when its perfect timing for him. Not the way it works
That is why you need to take your case to family court. Let the courts decide when he can and can not see the kids.
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| 10/6/2008 8:14:43 AM |
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felicia_alexis
Ventura, CA
age: 23
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I'm taking him to court. He has no choice in that. He is now trying to take back everything he said and did. It just isn't that easy.
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| 10/6/2008 9:18:53 AM |
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arg_man
Roseville, CA
age: 49
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I agree with the parenting plan. I'm in a middle of a divorce myself, that is the only way that it will work. Until the court stepped in, she had been finding ways to not allow me to spend time with our son for the past three monthes now. Court was last week and the judge made it very clear about. Yes, it HURTS! not spending time with him. Along with all of the other pain and grief that she has caused. When this first begun, I started out thinking that she needed some time to herself, next I know all hell happens. I realize that I sill have a family and that she has choosen to do her own thing, I respect her for that. But the family still exist, that is my son and I and will fight hell to be there to raise him. Sorry for venting, I guess I needed to let it out.
I have volunteered to attend a parenting class to better myself, what I have found out in this class is that, that most of the other fathers are runners, they freek out about being a father and don't understand their responisibility as a father. Out here in CA the class is called "Men Infants and Childern" (MIC), what I am getting at is while you are in court require him take a parenting class. I know that some fathers are going to mad I me, but see my side, she is not letting me see my own child.
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| 10/6/2008 2:13:15 PM |
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45gman
Madison, MS
age: 45
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HI, I WON MY CUSTODY BATTLE W/ MY EX. I HAVE POINTERS
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| 10/9/2008 7:14:43 PM |
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superhero1976
Springfield, MO
age: 32
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you know guys like that annoy the hell out of me my soon to be exwife and her boyfriend took my son out of state i dont know where they are at i havent seen him since memorial day and i would kill to see him all i know is i want fuull custody of my son when i get my divorce and the worst part is this ponscum she left me for left his girlfriend and 6 week old daughter with no means of support for her and they think they have the right to my son I DONT THINK SO
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