falcon77
Eugene, OR
age: 41 online now!
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Here's a story for you. I truly didn't decided to date anyone until almost 8 months after my divorce was actually final. In reality though, I had been alone for over 14 months, so at that point I felt I was ready to at least enjoy someones company for a possible friendship and needed to get back out anyway. I ended up asking a graphic designer that I worked with out for a drink one friday. I knew she had an eye for me, but being married at the time I never let on that I even knew it. I never like mislead people or even flirt that way. Anyway, we go out for a drink, have a great time, and decide to set up another date. A hike. On this hike we get into much deeper conversation and she tells me about her last relationship where this guy ended up treating her pretty bad, dumped her, and basically did it over a text message after about two months of dating. She was understandably still hurt and I just listened, offered some advice, and we continued dating for another three months. In retrospect, I should have seen the red flags as she was obviously not over it. Again...Understandable in my mind. But things were going along very nicely I might add. We had lots a great times together, dinners, went to plays together, danced, walked, did festivals, talked about God...It was a wonderful time and even though I did hear this guy's name from time to time in conversation I knew she was very much into me, I felt she was just working through things. It's what people do...right? Another red flag I should have seen.
One day, another close gal friend that I worked with pretty closely at work calls me and says she ended up playing cards with this girl at her house. She tells me, you REALLY should probably move on with this one as I don't think she's completely over this guy, and that he has in fact, asked her out again. I'm like ..O.K..I'll just ask her? I take the information to the girl and she says that, Yes, he indeed did ask her out again after several months.. just of the blue. She confirmed that there was no way she would ever go back after the way he treated her the first time. No way...No how...she says!!! I felt she was being honest and she convinced me and we then continued dating for another month or so. It's now September 2006 and we end up going to the Oregon/Oklahoma football game and have another spectacular day. Later that night, she calls me and says she can never see me again. I'm like what WTF? I ask her again if it's about this guy and she says absolutely not. She says it's her and she just can't do it. Tells me I'm wonderful, but to just to leave her alone for good and find someone new. I honor her request to never speak with her, but do so completely baffled at the events. Six months go by and I end up getting a call from her, she's seeing how things are going with me. I was heading back east on trip and we caught up as I drove. She tells me about her spiritual life and how advice I had given her really paid off. She said she was just enjoying life with her son. We decide to stay in touch, but when I called for a lunch date one day. I get no reply from her back. I move onward and just leave it at that.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, seven months after last contact. I sent some pictures I took into the mountains out to friends and this gal was still on my global list I guess. I get a reply back that I never expected. A glowing email with pictures of her. She tells me in this two page letter about how life is truly wonderful that this guy came back into her life several months ago and that things are absolutely perfect now. She tells me that somehow "He woke up and now get's it"" and tells me also of a prior relationship in which someone wanted to marry her but she ended had an intense break up with him as well. I'm speculating, but also guessing it was because of the same sort of issue. I felt her reply to me was her way of kinda cleaning out her closet and explaining to me so to speak. The pieces of the puzzle all start to come together for me then. Her heart was just waiting!! This girls heart was never completely past this guy ever and how often does this happen to people in general when moving forward? How many good people get hurt because people move on and date others before their hearts are ready to do so? Scars can last for years and people just leave them unchecked? Do you have an obligation to be honest and upfront with yourself? I think it's a choice to do so. For the record, I wished her the very best and told her I was very happy for her. When you care about someone, you want them to be happy. Anyway, I had my answer that it was not about me at all. I knew it at the time, but was confused for months on end.
[Edited 10/30/2007 10:42:21 PM]
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mercedes6825
Lehighton, PA
age: 52
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I read your story and it is all so true. People try to move on but they can't till their heart is healed. I have had this happen to me so many times with men who think they are ready to move on and then all of a sudden the ex's shows interest again and they go running back. Like you I have to accept that it was not me it was them. Part of me really has gotten to the point of not trusting anyone and holding back which is not a good thing. I wish you luck.
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heatherhoney
Middlesboro, KY
age: 50
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Falcon.. This story is so true and happens to a lot of people. I am glad to see that you are moving on and letting it go. It is difficult to move on when you have no idea what actually has occured...been there and done that and it's no fun, to say the least. I am so thankful that I had the insight to know that my heart wasn't ready to move on when I left and divorced my husband. In fact, I never dated for 10 years...the first 5 years I spent hating him, God and every man that walked. I then spent the last 5 of them dealing with the loss, grieving, forgiving him and eventually forgiving myself for being so bitter for so long. I never dated for 13 years after the divorce. That was 18 years ago and I healed and realize that NOT ALL men cheat and lie.
Thanks for sharing that story with us. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope you find one that is so deserving of you and your love....
Heather 
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beautifulspirit
Naples, FL
age: 40
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I am sorry to hear that this happened to you.. I have dated my share of men who hage gone back to their exes. I am actually getting tired of it, but we all must be true to our hearts, because only then can we truly be happy with love.
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