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1/25/2010 7:39:28 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

momnycz
Over 1,000 Posts (1,827)
Metamora, IL
age: 53


MY ex boyfriend called me wanting info on our friend's funeral who died .
He told me I should not let it hurt so much that we knew he was going to die and it should not have bothered me when I went to the hospital in Springfield and found he had past away.
What do you all think ?

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1/25/2010 8:00:59 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

vera_is_back
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,061)
Fairfield, IL
age: 61


Some people just word things differently and don't mean them the way they come out. Since I don't know the person you are talking about I can't give you a answer.

1/25/2010 9:07:30 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

vicky1207
Over 2,000 Posts (3,273)
Farmington, IL
age: 48


I don't think he meant to be heartless as Vera said some people say things differently and he was maybe trying to comfort you in his own way.

1/25/2010 9:54:42 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

charon52
Evanston, IL
age: 57


Some people don't know how to get the right words out when death is involved. It doesn't mean he was cold or heartless, just unable to communicate; maybe even thoughtless.

Another possibility is that he sees something over which you had no control and knew was coming getting you 'bothered' or depressed or upset, and he doesn't understand the reason for it.

Why not ask him why he said what he did? Better yet- Why not tell him WHY you're hurt and upset? Is it that your friend died, or is it that you didn't make it to the hospital in time?

1/25/2010 10:25:12 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

nighthowl50
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,200)
Keithsburg, IL
age: 59


i can remember when my mom died, naturally we were all really upset and crying. my niece asked her mom " mom, why are you crying? grandma is in heaven and that is where we all want to go?" it would be nice to have that simple faith of the young, wouldn't it?

i have always said.. we don't cry for the ones that have gone. we cry for ourselves.

1/25/2010 11:21:21 AM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

tweety210
Chicago, IL
age: 47


Everyone views death differently. Whether or not the death is expected, it is hard on the inside, but on the outside, we express it in different ways. On Saturday, my ex called to inform me that one of our mutual friends mother passed. He said that she was ok and it was expected. My view was different. I felt that even when it is expected, it is still hard to except.

1/25/2010 1:17:23 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

xarmynick
Over 1,000 Posts (1,562)
Chicago, IL
age: 28


he was not trying to be heartless, in my past i have become desensitized to death. some people just feel the loss harsher then others.

1/25/2010 1:20:48 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  
anewwalk
Over 1,000 Posts (1,153)
Marshall, IL
age: 66


A wife of a good friend died last night. Their daughter called me today and asked "why does it hurt so much when we knew they were going to take her off the machine and we knew what would happen?" I told her because, even though we "know" we are never "ready to let go of those we love or care deeply aboout."

I think your ex friend may not have meant to be harsh, just a little too impersonal about it all.

Has always been my opinion the four hardest words to say at one time are "THY WILL, NOT MINE." JMO

1/25/2010 2:56:46 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

momnycz
Over 1,000 Posts (1,827)
Metamora, IL
age: 53


Thanks you all, maybe I was wrong this time. Again thanks.

1/25/2010 4:48:03 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

lovelife01
Crest Hill, IL
age: 52


I know when my dad passed, we all were pretty upset even though we knew he was going. He died of cancer which he had beaten for 8 yrs and it returned. I think we all hope they can win again. like, when people remove life support they know what is going to happen, but deep down they hope they will start breathing on their won. The mind is a goofy thing.

1/25/2010 4:51:38 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

wizmom_00
Galatia, IL
age: 59


Think its just one of those "Venus/Mars" things...women are just more emotional than most men are. I think he ment well, just kind of came out wrong. Of course it flustered your feathers...but it will pass.

1/25/2010 5:14:28 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

bbwtreasure
Winfield, IL
age: 47


If he was cold hearted he wouldn't have called for you for information. A friend mentioned to me that she hated when people "Justify" the death. I have done just that,now I know differently. Knowing when someone is going to die, doesn't make your feelings just go away.

1/28/2010 8:43:13 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  
honesty10
Bloomington, IL
age: 57


It's always hard to lose someone. even if you know that it's going to happen it still hurts and it sounds like you are very kind hearted. I'm sorry for your loss I wish you well and remember the good things and in your heart you will always keep your friend. sometimes people dont mean to come off sounding as harsh as they sound.forgive him and then move on to someone who can comfort you and be there for you in this time of need.

2/6/2010 6:13:51 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  
humorisfun
Herrin, IL
age: 45


I try to distance myself from cold hearted people.

2/6/2010 9:35:43 PM How do you deal with heartless cold hearted people ?  

cinstau
Champaign, IL
age: 55


i don't think your ex was being cold hearted necessarily.....all people grieve in different ways and his was may have been to shut down. it may have been his was of getting through the moment. But however you felt it was okay because we all have a right to feel the way we feel.