Where have all the nice guy's gone?

1/15/2008 6:13:41 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
icemannky Lexington, KY age: 38	I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out. What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fking treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an ahole than he ever wanted to be. Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass. 3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fking want you, now. Sincerely, A Recovering Nice Guy
1/15/2008 6:33:57 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 44	i have to agree with you about some of what you have written. alot of times, women want a good man, and he's right there in front of her, and, for whatever reason, she just can't see it. who amongst us has not experienced this painful fate. it sucks! it hurts! it's probably alot of but one must gain strength, personal strength, from these lessons to move on in life, and seek out a woman that will be someone we want in our lives. it takes patience and hard work to weed through all the women who pretend to be one type of person, when the reality of it is, their far from it. good luck.
1/15/2008 2:52:51 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 44	if he's smart he doesn't!
1/16/2008 6:55:23 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
huckleberrysqr Renton, WA age: 39	Brother, you are speaking the truth. And if he were to post that in one of those topics asking where all the nice guys have gone, he would get hunted down and killed by the pink mafia. They would not be kind to him, even though what he is saying is probably completely true.
1/16/2008 11:04:10 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
icemannky Lexington, KY age: 38	Ok guys, make you a deal. You be more upfront and honest with the ladies and tell them how you really feel and I will post this in the womens section. If you haven't noticed I am already getting alot of response in the other post from women and men and all is very interesting so I suggest you might want to read them. All it will take is one man to stand up and call me out and this is in the womens section.... what the hell. I am a man and that is what I think alot of women know but don't want to admit.....so I am going to post it anyway, Check it out and see what their response is, I think you may be surprised. Jason If not. then I said it for all of us and took the heat for it but am not scared to say what I think to anyone. Ladies fill free to comment if you read this. Would like to hear from you. Jason
1/16/2008 11:08:07 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
icemannky Lexington, KY age: 38	OK I had to post it in general dating discussion because I could not get into women group because I am a man... check it out. Jason
1/17/2008 5:04:02 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 44	iceman, saw your post on the other forum. quite a response. but for the record, i always tell the ladies upfront the truth. i figure, if they can handle it, great! if not, better to know sooner than later. i refuse to waste my time with women who don't know what they want, or r insecure, or just plain crazy!
1/18/2008 1:26:27 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
icemannky Lexington, KY age: 38	Drummr, I commend your honor and integrity. Thank yourself for being honest with them and seeing what their response is. And you are right about wasting your time, If you lie to them then you will not find what you are looking for. Good luck and God bless. ICEMANNKY/ Jason
1/18/2008 1:17:04 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 44	iceman, thanks. i'm starting to get a read on alot of the woman on this site. the games, and whatnot. but i refuse to be less than honest with them. if they don't like it, BYE! i still believe communication and honesty r the keys to any great relationship. i look at like building a house. without a good foundation, who gives a what the rest of the place looks like. it's not going to stand for long.
1/19/2008 5:28:13 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
advance4000 New Britain, CT age: 39	Damn good points all around!
1/20/2008 1:13:52 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
frits69 Central Point, OR age: 54	Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys? A. We'd eat p*ssy every Thanksgiving. Q. What's the difference between love and herpes? A. Love doesn't last forever. Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
1/20/2008 6:14:03 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
liferator Statesville, NC age: 28	must have been a man that stole the credit card. LOL I copied your post and put it in our 20 thread think I might need to run for cover Heard some shotguns getting loaded, funny part is girl who asked the question agreed with what you wrote 100% and I do to
1/24/2008 10:56:18 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
grizz67 Bernville, PA age: 41	Wow icemannky, what a post. Very blunt, I love it. I just recently experienced the very scenario you described in your post. A very attractive female, ex-friend, of mine just pulled the very same thing and more. For several years I had to hear how unhappy she was with several relationships and that we are just friends and how much easier it would be for her if she could just be attracted to me since I am such a "wonderful/nice" guy. Suddenly when she needed a place to stay I miraculously became very sexy in her eyes and our last few times hanging out together were filled with overt suggestions of sexual favors made by her. Not wanting to be the next convenient place for her to temporarily live, for free, and get cheap sex here and there for my trouble ( I know this will cause jeers among my fellow male readers, but I have more integrity than to knowingly allow myself to be used for any reason, personal gratification or payment) only to eventually have her leave for greener pastures. In the end I refused her asylum at my home. I explained to her that I thought it was in the best interest for our friendship and that I was doing it in an attempt to preserve our friendship. Of course I have not heard from her since, to which I now give a great sigh of relief since I have now learned what her true nature is. I totally agree with you in that I too am very tired of hearing the cliche statement women make asking; "Where are all the nice men?" Women claim that men are visual and are only interested in what they find appealing to the eye, if they were honest they would admit to the same failing. In the past I was the angry young man due to this very problem and additionally the numbers of "true love" I have lost in the past. I have taken some personal stock over the years and I believe made the necessary changes in my own shortcomings and personality. One thing I promise never to change again though is my "nice guy" character because I know that guy is who I am, in the end it is me I have to be happy and live with when I am alone. Kudos on your post.
1/24/2008 12:40:20 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 44	isn't it amzing how we see life as we get older. things that bothered or even agered us as younger men, suddenly, don't mean anymore! please tell me we're not growing up and getting older. i just realized! we are huh?
1/24/2008 9:04:59 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
lostinwyoming Evanston, WY age: 51	all the nice guys? weve all been over in womens world spying.lol

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