| 3/12/2008 8:30:45 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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adelinesmother
Fremont, NE
age: 37
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I am a single mother with a 5 yearold girl. We recently relocated due to a family crisis, which i really cant go into details. But she is enrolled in preschool now. And her school is having a Buddy Breakfast for the males in their lives on Friday. My child's biological father left way before her birth. She does call my ex bf daddy. Anyway, he is unable to make it to the Breakfast on Friday. So I just phoned the school to see if I can attend the breakfast with my child. They talk about it everyday at school and she is so excited. The woman I just spoke with told me that I cannot attend with my child. That they have a mother's tea at the beginning of the year and they would like to keep those things seperate. And that she just doesnt feel its a good idea, that i would prob feel uncomfortable, which i wouldnt. But told me instead to remind my daughter of the upcoming events in April and May. That this breakfast is for daddys, uncles, grandpas. I reminded her that because of our situation my child had to leave her family behind. She just said, yes and that unfortunate. After I got off of the phone, i broke down in tears.Its not fair to my sweet angel girl.
[Edited 3/12/2008 11:06:41 AM]
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| 3/12/2008 10:11:17 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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dyezah
North Little Rock, AR
age: 36
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Ohhhh mama T. My heart is breaking for you. This week is grandparents week @ the boys' school. We are in a similiar situation. I wish I could make it better for the both of you.
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| 3/12/2008 2:00:47 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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Honestly, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't send my child to school that day until after the school had finished w/ their Buddy Breakfast. I'd take her to McDonalds for breakfast and then bring her to school later. I wouldn't make a big deal about it to my child. I'd just tell her something like, "Since Daddy can't make it to the Buddy Breakfast that you're having at school, and since I'm a girl, I can't go to the school to have breakfast with you, I decided that you and I would go to McDonalds and have breakfast together this morning. We'll have our own Buddy Day at McDonalds together!" You could even give her a special inexpensive gift or a card that says something about how she's your favorite buddy! One of those necklaces that has a heart cut in two, would be perfect... one for you, one for her... and you can find them quite cheap at dollar stores and Walmart.
I'm not saying that children don't have to learn to deal with issues and problems, but there are some issues that I don't think my children should have to face. For example, Father's Day. In our family, we don't celebrate Father's Day. Like you, we live very far away from immediate family, so there's no grandpa's or uncles to celebrate the day with. But we don't just ignore the day.... instead we celebrate "Family Day." We make home-made cards for each other... I have several of them hanging up in my office at work. And it's one Sunday every year that we do NOT attend church. The sermon is geared to fathers and to children... telling fathers how important it is to be a good father... and telling children how important it is to respect their fathers. Instead, we go somewhere for that weekend, depending on what I can afford. One year we rented a motel room for the weekend and went swimming in the pool.
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this issue. I think the school is being heartless,uncaring and just dumb! You should have told her, "I really appreciate your concern for my feelings, but once I discovered that I am indeed a single parent, I took some coping skills classes and I can handle myself in public pretty well now!"
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| 3/12/2008 3:36:42 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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katiescarlett72
Dallas, TX
age: 35
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Adelinesmother, I've dealt with similar issues many times. There will be more to come, so you'll have to learn how to help your daughter focus on the positive and not worry about the negative. I liked the suggestion to take her to McDonald's instead. I always found birthday parties to be a beating, because when your kids are young, you are the ONLY one there who doesn't have a husband.
I also have run into issues due to being a working single parent when I've worked in offices. My little guy's preschool scheduled a Mother's Day tea for 3:00 in the afternoon on a Friday a few years ago. When it was time for me to leave work to head that way, my boss popped up with a last-minute emergency. I had to finish that before I could leave. By the time I got there, the party was well underway, and my son was the ONLY child in the class whose mother was not sitting next to him. A teacher was sitting with him instead. I had some moments of bitter tears over that.
That was when I become resolved to get to the point where I could work for myself and tell everyone else where to shove it if they thought I was putting them ahead of my kids.
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| 3/12/2008 3:50:00 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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dyezah
North Little Rock, AR
age: 36
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Mickey D's sounds awesome! Great!
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| 3/12/2008 5:49:36 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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adelinesmother
Fremont, NE
age: 37
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You guys are really cool. Thanks for the wonderful advice. Yeah my daughter is totally oblivious to the whole situation. And they dont have school on Friday, they were just having the breakfast that day. So Friday is going to be a special day for us. I think that new Dr. Suess movie comes out...plus her 5th birthday is next tuesday, so think we are going to have a weekend of fun.
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| 3/12/2008 6:38:10 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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kathy5311
Jackson, GA
age: 39
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Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun! She'll enjoy that.... you will too! 
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| 3/12/2008 9:52:57 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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snides20
Mingo Junction, OH
age: 26
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All of the advice people have been giving is great advice. Depends what extreme you would loike to take this to as well. If you threaten the school with a discrimanation suit because your child only has one parent they may cave because they will not want to think of going through something of that nature the downside it will cause friction with the staff and you. When i was in elementary a similar instance happened with me my mom threatened the school with legal action they caved rather quickly
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| 3/13/2008 9:44:00 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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luvinlifetou
Biddeford, ME
age: 41
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Thanks Adeline, for bringing this one up..and all you guys..having faced this issue also, that really was some great advice. Fathers Day is a challenge, and the ideas about that are fantastic. Im writing notes. I have had a male relative stand in for the daddy day type things, but that is not always possible, and I have been focusing on a way to focus the boys on the fact that WE are a family now. Not the same family we were, different, but still a family. Its starting to work. The challenges get bigger as they get older and ask more questions....
I like the making a family day out of those occasions, A LOT!!!
Thanks!
 
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| 3/13/2008 11:13:46 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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stormygrl
Longmont, CO
age: 41
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I've always considered myself the "mommy" and the "daddy".....not an easy job to fill so on father's day when she was younger she would make me the art project too....her dad has and never will be in the picture. One of her schools tried to pull that on me once too and I told them I'm coming because I'm her dad also.....they didn't like it but I didn't care. Yeah when those missing dad moments come up it can be hard.....but you know when my daughter was really young she said this to me: "Mommy why can't we just go buy a daddy at Wal-Mart" that was the cutest thing. Hang in there to all the Moms/Dads!!!
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| 3/13/2008 12:27:06 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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goodintention54
Plymouth, MI
age: 54
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Wal-Mart isle #7 and I'm marked down Stormy
Adelinesgreatmother,
Tough on a little five year old to be sure. I'm Mommy and Daddy to my little ones fortunetly have not had any of those issues (yet).
Shame on the school for not being more sensative to the fragile emotional development of little children. In todays society situations like yours are not uncommon (lots of absent mommies and daddies). With people relocating for a myriad of reasons having aunts, uncles, grandparents within reach in many cases is not possible. It would be much better (IMO) for them to have a "unisex" Buddy Breakfast that way couple parents can decide who will go and single parents can also be there for their babies.
God's strength to Single Parents
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| 3/16/2008 8:19:07 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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bones75
Saegertown, PA
age: 50
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I know how you must feel....when my daughter was younger (now 15) she went thru simlar things...that i could not be a big help......but fortunely she had grandmas cousins and freinds to help, her thru those times.....Yes its hard, but you and your daughter will survive........so hang in there...sweeetie
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| 3/17/2008 6:02:27 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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nancy2
Baltimore, MD
age: 51
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I have a 13 year old that has never seen her father. We too have had the missed fathers day and school father daughter events and it's hard. But she has turned into a very nice young lady with out a male in her life or mine.
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| 3/21/2008 10:28:36 AM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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magtag
East York, ON
age: 41
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I hope it all turned out wonderfully and your birthday weekend was terrific!
If it had been me in your shoes, I would have just told the school I was attending...too bad for them. Every school system is different, I'm not sure how your school would have reacted, I just don't see the big deal about keeping events separate as they told you. Who are you hurting by attending? No one. That's just ridiculous!
The public school system in Toronto is a farce on MANY levels. Having said that though, we are so damn politically correct that this just wouldn't have happened. All of these sorts of events are "parent" events in our schools. And if there are no parents, that's ok, bring someone else!
I think you decided on a great way to deal with it given the options you were given. But, just as a suggestion, maybe this is something that should be brought up at your next school council meeting..i.e. a change in school policy regarding "mom" and "dad" events vs. "parent" events. Maybe you could be the one to get your school on the right path so that it's fair for ALL children.
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| 3/21/2008 1:41:05 PM |
As a single parent...have you faced this obstacle. |
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uswoodworker
Dixon, MO
age: 48
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1st you do not work for the school they work for you your taxs pay them.
2ed dont think the school is doing the right thing when it comes to your kids you have to find out. look at the year book and see if the teachers kids are all in the same class.
This only works in elemeatary school this is called looping if it is going on in your school then as I you are in for a long up hill fight.
3 Do not ever let them hit or spank your kid and request every thing in writing!
4 if they tell you you can not go go any way a lunch or a breakfast is not part of the edu.
My kids go to a small school in Dixon MO this is the most back woods school in the US I have gotten one principal one teacher and a counselor to retire and working on the middle school principal now. If you dont have 2 or 3 generations in the town, your in they dont know you. Look at the kids in the sports the chior and cheerleaders if the names are the same as the teachers Move.
I am a single Dad and ret Army.if I did not work from home my kids would have it bad at school Now I treat teachers as Employees. Are highschool principal was just fired in jan for stealing 15.000 from the soda fund.
Parents Rule!!!!!!!!!!!! Your kids life Depends on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Edited 3/21/2008 1:46:55 PM]
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