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| 3/27/2012 3:51:52 PM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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lickhercrosseye
Little Britain, ON
50, joined Feb. 2011
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Newfie: GIVE ME 3 PACKETS OF CONDOMS PLEASE.
CASHIER: DO YOU NEED A PAPER BAG WITH THAT SIR?
Newfie: NAH... SHE’S NOT THAT UGLY!!
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Newfie Joke!
Two Newfies were working for the city public works department. 1 would dig a hole & the other would follow behind him & fill the hole in.
They worked up 1 side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, 1 man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he say's to the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you 2 are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole,
only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team.
But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick.'
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Newfie Hooker
A Newfoundlander was walking home late at night & sees a woman in the Shadows 'Twenty dollars' she whispers
Perry had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty bucks So they hide in the bushes.
They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them It is a police officer.
'What's going on here, people?' asks the officer
'I'm making love to me wife!,' the Newfoundlander answers sounding annoyed
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'
'Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that light in her face.
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An American tourist asks a Newfoundlander:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall Backwards off their boats?"
To which the Newfoundlander Replies:
"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the F*ckin boat."
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2 Newfies look at a Sears' Catalogue and admire the models.
1 says to the other: "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
The second replies. "Yes, they are damn beautiful! And look at the price!"
The first says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they're not very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
The second smiles & claps him on the back, "Good idea, order 1 & if she is as beautiful as in the catalogue, I'll get 1 too."
Three weeks later, the Newfie asks his chum "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears' catalogue?"
The second replies, "No. But it shouldn't be long now.... I got her clothes yesterday!"
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Québecois vs. Newfies
2 Québecois businessmen in Trois-Rivières were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, & ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Newfie walked to the window, had a peek, & in a thick Newfie accent asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Newfie said, 'You are doing well...only two left!'
Québecois - God bless them - should not mess with the Newfies.
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2 Newfies Barney ans Johnny, work at the Gander Airport refueling the jets,
Being newfies they like to drink, 1 night while at work, they ran out of alcohol to drink & were not drunk enough to make it through the night, Johnny says "I hear you can get a good buzz from drinking the jet fuel" Barney says "have you ever tried it?" Johnny says"No not yet but I am gonna"
Johnny tries a swig of the jet fuel & say Yes dar she be by, Lord tundering geesus by she's got a nice kick,
So Johnny & Barney start drinking jet fuel all night, & are wasted when their sift ends, The get in Barneys car & go home to sleep it off before the next night of work,
later that afternoon about 3PM Barney awakes to his phone ringing, Its Johnny & he asks Barney if he's up yet & Barney replies I'm up now by,
Johnny askes if he feels ok after drinking the jet fuel,
Barney says "ah yes I feels good how about you,
I'm ok Johnny says,
Then Johnny asks "have you farted yet?"
Barney says "NO why?"
Johnny replies "Well don't I'm in Edmondton" 
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2 french newfies John Luc & Piere they want to try something new so they deside to try bundgie jumping
They go to the pet store & look at the bird section, they finally find a huge cage full of budgies & look them all over,
Finally a store clerck comes over & asks them if she could help them,
They say yes we'll take 4 of them dare birds right dare, the clerk grabs 4 birds & puts them in a bag, they pay for them & then drive for hours into the mountains,
Finally they come to a cliff & check it out its got a strait drop for 500 foot they draw straws to see who goes 1st, John Luc wins the first jump,
He gets 2 birds from the bag and puts them on his shoulders then runs an leaps off the cliff, Piere watches as his friend goes strait down without a sound just keeps going then all of a sudden goes splatt,
Piere watching says Fock dat dis bundgei jumping is to dangerous
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If you like these jokes check out my 3 or 4 previous jokes
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| 3/27/2012 5:48:34 PM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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writer1776
Tucson, AZ
58, joined Jun. 2009
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| 3/27/2012 8:06:11 PM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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Sorry, I don't know too much in the way of "Newfies". First time I read this joke, the workers were blonds. I think it was better that way.
 OOps, wait a minute. Three of my best friends are blonds. Forget that last remark, please. They can be Newfies. Yeah...they SHOULD be Newfies...
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| 3/28/2012 7:26:49 AM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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v_vpinkangel
Commerce, GA
45, joined Feb. 2012
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funny!!
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| 3/28/2012 2:06:24 PM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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lickhercrosseye
Little Britain, ON
50, joined Feb. 2011
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LOL
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| 6/12/2012 3:39:58 PM |
8 Funny Newfie Jokes |
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passionsam
Ajax, ON
50, joined Feb. 2012
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Funny stuff crosseye! Got a couple of my own.
Did you hear about the Newfie who bought an A.M. radio? It took him 3 weeks to figure out that he could use it at night!
Did you hear about the Newfie Gynecologist? He wanted a second opinion!
Why don't Newfies hunt elephants? The decoys are too hard to carry.
How can you tell a Newfie in a department store? They're the one trying to slam the revolving door!
Why can't Newfies raise chickens? They plant the eggs too deep!
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