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| 7/5/2015 2:47:00 PM |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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Hey, Guys, I am turning 70 on 7/7 and the idea is slowing me down a bit. Other things are happening, as well. How about some nice, cute, Saucy but CLEAN jokes to pick me up a little. Sure would appreciate it!       
Yeah...I know---the alternative is not much fun either.
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 7/5/2015 2:54:42 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two ' working girls ' and
take them to their separate hotel rooms for an hour of pleasure.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he
hears his friend shouting out cries of, "Here I come again! ONE, TWO,
THREE ....UGH! " " Here I come again! ONE, TWO, THREE.... UGH!" "Here I
come again! ONE, TWO, THREE ... UGH!" This goes on for the whole hour.
Later back at the bar, the second dwarf asks the first, " How did it
go?"
The first mutters, " It was embarrassing. I just couldn't get an
erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?
I couldn't get on the bed.
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| 7/5/2015 2:55:18 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Before the new spaghetti factory could open, it had to pasta inspection.
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| 7/5/2015 2:55:52 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Upon removing his boots at Waterloo, Napoleon could smell defeat.
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| 7/5/2015 2:56:35 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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| 7/5/2015 2:58:37 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Wind is air in a hurry.
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| 7/5/2015 9:52:53 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. PlayDough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs in her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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| 7/5/2015 9:55:56 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Tap, tap, tap...this thing working?
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| 7/5/2015 11:30:41 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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dandruff
Cleveland, OH
46, joined May. 2009
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Q: Star Trek: Know why I call the bathroom "the transporter room"?
A: Because outside, you're American. But inside, European!
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| 7/6/2015 5:44:22 AM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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Dandruff, my HERO! Thanks for these super jokes. One day to go before 7/7 and I am already in stitches! Thanks, Dandruff!!!   
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| 7/6/2015 7:46:15 AM |
Lansdale, PA |
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xall_night
Starke, FL
74, joined Mar. 2009
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Lynhappt pre birthday wishes to you   , may you have many more edward (i am curious as to why you say "hey guys" only?
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| 7/6/2015 11:32:22 AM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kraven_morehed
Greenwood, LA
94, joined Jul. 2014
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Didja hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between Vaseline , and putty???......
all of their windows fell out!! 
[why???what were YOU thinking was going to happen??]
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| 7/6/2015 12:17:28 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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noprudesbaby
Palm Desert, CA
60, joined Apr. 2014
online now!
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CHEck you inbox tomorrow...for a surprise BDay cake:
What did BATMAN do in the BATHROOM?
DOO DOO DOO DOO...DOO DO DO DO....DO DO DO DO.... DOO DOO DOO DOO.... BATMAN!!!!
YOu have no idea how difficult it is to type DOO DOO ????
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| 7/6/2015 1:21:13 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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I can guess, Carl, I can guess! Thanks for the wishes!
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| 7/6/2015 1:22:54 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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I don't really know, Edward, but Guys just seems to almost cover anyone....
But thank you, specifically, Young man!
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| 7/6/2015 1:59:50 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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xall_night
Starke, FL
74, joined Mar. 2009
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Lyn i gonna love it when tyou turn 70 you youngster you
have a few more roses youngun ( i would throw a party for you but ohhhsooooo, Bama, and a few of the other ladies i know don't post so much)  
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| 7/6/2015 6:32:29 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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When is the last time Bama has posted? Haven't seeh her in cows years.
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| 7/6/2015 6:36:11 PM |
Lansdale, PA |
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kweekhi7
Lansdale, PA
70, joined Aug. 2008
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Didja hear about the newlywed couple that didn't know the difference between Vaseline , and putty???......
all of their windows fell out!!
[why???what were YOU thinking was going to happen??]
I betcha they were "Craving" putty but didn't have any so they used Vaseline instead. GOOD ONE, Looks like a trip to Lowes might be in order, Kraven! And YOU should accompany them.
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kweekhi7 - Lansdale, PA
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