Ladies, I need your opinions.

9/4/2008 8:17:37 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
shanster86 Linton, IN age: 22	So I've been in an out of a weird relationship with this guy for about five years. There's been a lot of heart ache and depression in the earlier years, however it isn't as bad now. He doesn't want to stick to just one woman, and he's not into dating anybody at the present time. He's told me before that when the opportunity hits, he's going to bed some other woman. In addition to that, he's also said that he'll tell me that, but he will not tell me when he does it. There's been a big issue with trust and honesty since I've known him. Sometimes it's very difficult to decipher truth from fiction. Lately he's been very affectionate and loving towards me, and has said that when he wants to bed someone, he wants me. I really want to believe that something finally is developing in a romantic sort of way, but due to past history I'm hesitant about what to think. We've never dated, and were never a couple...sadly. It's a sort of sexual relationship for sure, but I don't want to say it's casual. I'm really smitten with this guy, and even if things don't work out for the best, I can't just turn off my feelings for him like that. What do you girls think? What would you do?
9/4/2008 8:33:20 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
swdove Simms, MT age: 56	You know Shan you are 22 and if you don't train yourself now to demand respect from men. You could go through life being treated as a door mat and sweet girl that is not a life. One thing to always remember love will come when your young and it will find you, just make sure it is the kind of love you need and want. Smiling face something they do tell lies. And on a personal side I would not date, sleep with or want a guy who thought it was OK tell me or brag about doin the do with any one, total curb time, or hey don't let the door hit ya
9/6/2008 1:02:44 AM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
jasmi Latrobe, PA age: 51	Boy, this is a toughie! If you can be satisfied that your relationship with him is sexual only, and probably will always be only sex, then go for it and enjoy it! But I know from experience that it is very hard to stop from falling in love with the man I'm sleeping with, and that will cause you heartache, because he obviously does not feel the same about you. Sounds like you do love him. But if it were me, I'd get out of this relationship and move on. I know, easier said than done!
9/6/2008 5:40:49 AM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
alicekathleen Fresno, CA age: 63	You said the word. Smitten. Enthralled. Enraptured. In love. We all know them. They are projections from you onto another person and are very powerful. They also come and go overnight. Love does not. Love is peaceful, accepting, not tormenting or overwhelming. To be smitten is like an addiction. I can only tell that at this age, I have been "smitten" several times.... this will happen again to you, believe it or not! But it is not love. Love is an action word, which leads you to a relationship. There is no easy way to end an addiction. I suggest you try following your own passions as much as possible, take a class, get involved with your church or temple, paint, draw, stay close to any friends or family members. It's a big, beautiful world out there. Try painting on a large canvas. best, Alice
9/7/2008 3:17:32 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
redjulie65 Beloit, WI age: 42	sorry to say but your best bet is to run and get over him because he is using you
9/8/2008 7:25:29 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
shanster86 Linton, IN age: 22	Thank you ladies for your advice, I truly appreciate it. I'm still debating on what I should do, however I shall keep your words of wisdom in my mind. I agree Alice, it is like a drug addiction (or did I already say that in my opening post?) and it certainly isn't a good thing. I'm not happy with it at all. I'm not happy with the situation at all. What makes everything so difficult is that this guy was my first--at pretty much everything. So that sentimental attachment is fairly deep rooted. I don't know if it's love, maybe it's not. It's something that's for sure. Though I'm keenly aware that the feelings I have are not adequately returned. He's already told me times before that he doesn't hold any feelings of love for me, and in the past he had no intentions of starting up a relationship with me. You'd think I'd get the hint eh? I suppose I'm afraid that if I let him go, that I won't be able to find another man who will take interest in me like he did. Relationships and matters of the heart sure are difficult.
9/10/2008 7:38:34 AM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
forestrose Calgary, AB age: 55	I would suggest you go to see a counsellor and try to find out why you feel no one else would be interested. Are you trying to psychologically win over an emotionally distant father figure? Who in your growing up gave you the message, directly or indirectly, that you do not have enough value to be treated respectfully, and cherished? I married a man for the same reason except he didn't cheat on me. The price comes later, when you have been married a while and he tells you he never did love you, you were just a bad habit. Then you are years older trying to restart your life - and guess what? You STILL have to figure what about your own self esteem caused you to allow yourself to be treated like that. Granted, it is apparently a mutual gratification at this time, but sooner or later you could end up pregnant (and NO he will NOT then love you or the baby). His cards are on the table. There is some nice man somewhere wishing he could find a wonderful young woman, and he can't find you while you are entangled with this selfish lout. Wishing it was different isn't going to change anything, and he will never change - why should he - he has it all - no committment, sex when he wants it, personal freedom to screw others, no responsibility to what he is doing to your emotions. Even if your fantasy of a relationship with him did happen, he does not respect you and having been allowed that, he never will. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
9/14/2008 2:36:48 AM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
shanster86 Linton, IN age: 22	Well, the deed has been done. I let him go. sighs
9/14/2008 9:51:27 AM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
alicekathleen Fresno, CA age: 63	Good going. When you feel like it, consider doing some reading on projections...otherwise, you will find yourself "enchanted" again! In fact, there is a cute Disney movie, I do believe it is called Enchanted, which shows this (and I am sure they did not intend to do this on any deep level). I have been smitten three times, each time a sick addiction to a man who was not at all in real life as I fantasized! What a waste of time and energy. Just wish I had done more reading about how we all project our images of the "right" man, the "intriguing" man, the man we adore, onto guys who do not fit the fantasy, if only we could see that! "Love is blind" is a sad statement, not a "cute" saying.
9/14/2008 7:52:04 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
labellavita1985 Wenatchee, WA age: 23	Good for you! He sounded like a shady a**hole that was using you. 5 years is wayyyyy too long to waste on someone like that. I went through a similar situation a few years back so I know its not easy but its for the best. Good luck
9/14/2008 7:59:30 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
shanster86 Linton, IN age: 22	Yeah..it so didn't work out. He's been arguing with me ALL DAY. He doesn't want to lose me, doesn't want to let me go. Blah blah blah blah blah. He's being WAY too selfish!! He doesn't even care about what I wanted. He said he didn't like it that I wanted to leave him. I told him that he couldn't provide me with a loving relationship. "And you have someone who can?" WHAT A DOUCHE!!! All he favors was the sexual part of our relationship. He doesn't want to lose that. I need a 2x4 and a lead pipe.
9/14/2008 8:11:15 PM	Ladies, I need your opinions.
labellavita1985 Wenatchee, WA age: 23	The best thing you can do right now is cut him off. Stay out of contact with him. It seems like he has a hold on you so if you keep talking to him he will convince you to give him another chance. Stay strong, you deserve more

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