| 11/1/2008 8:19:52 AM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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iggster35
Jefferson, WI
age: 36
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There is this woman that I have bee friends with for years. We have always had a really close bond an unknown to her I have kept hidden feelings for her Icould not reveal due to being married. This past year when my wife and I split up, I revealed those feelings to her. She responded that because our friendship was so strong that, even tho she felt the same way, she would not date me for fear of hurting that frienship. Fine, I can definitely respect that.
Whenever we talk about her current dates or dating scenarios, she is always pointing out to me how much the person she is dating at that time reminds her of me.
How in the heck is a guy suppose to take that? Does she not realize how frustrating it is to hear those words, knowing that the one she keeps comparing everyone to is there and available to her? Yet she won't set fear aside and give it a chance? I am getting back into dating now and I would definitely love to start seeing her but she won't. I will not go thru life waiting for one person and let a wonderful opportunity pass me by without even knowing about it.
Why would someone not grab on to an opportunity when it is right there in front of you larger than life? 
So Confused.
"it is who I am. It is what I do."
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| 11/1/2008 8:24:10 AM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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clubkid66
Brooklyn, NY
age: 42
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You have been friends for too long that she can't see you as anything else.
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| 11/1/2008 1:19:15 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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skyla07
Pekin, IL
age: 20
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 because maybe she is just comfortable with you as a friend i have guy friends the same way
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| 11/1/2008 1:27:51 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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soloact59
Albuquerque, NM
age: 49
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Your in the friend zone, sorry pal. Just shoot yourself now and then she will wish she had dated you before you died.
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| 11/1/2008 1:31:24 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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in_doubtalishis
Beaumont, CA
age: 34
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Did you disclose that you had hidden feelings for her while you were married? I mean does she know while you were with your wife you were growing away from your wife and feeling for her? Mental cheating?
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| 11/1/2008 2:39:02 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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rocket000
Murrayville, GA
age: 51
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She is politely telling you that she loves you "as a friend". I have several male friends that I adore, admire and respect. Alas, there is NO chemistry on my part. I wish there was. She may wish she felt differently but doesn't. The "I don't want to ruin the friendship" is just a coverup for "I'm not attracted to you in that way". Her sharing the fact that some of her dates remind her of you is a compliment and she wants those characteristics in a partner that she desires in a deeper way. Your best bet at this point is to put some physical distance between you and this lady. You need to work on yourself at this time. Additionally, it will be less painful to redirect your energy to someone who DOES feel the type of chemistry(along with friendship) that is necessary for a romantic relationship.
Good luck to you.
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| 11/1/2008 2:41:26 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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steak_king
Utica, MI
age: 52 online now!
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Well said Rocket
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| 11/1/2008 2:46:21 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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bry11ca
Irving, TX
age: 44
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Split for a while dude. Once she doesn't see you as a firend anymore she may be able to allow other emotions if and when you meet again. It's happened to me. Also, you already put stress on the relationship by revealing your thoughts.
You owe it to yourself and her to cool it off until your emotions are gone.
But what the heck do I know? 
I worked at a gas stration after the Army, there was a young girl working there. When my younger brother came out of the Army he started working there and messing around with this girl. I told my brother not to date people at work . . . they're still married. 
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| 11/1/2008 3:09:30 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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knittinkitten
Lady Lake, FL
age: 73
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I read your post a couple of times, OP....Of course I can't answer for HER, but, if it had been me,knowing you were married at the time I would have used my defenses and kept away from any thoughts of romance with a man who was not available for it.
Women who have been hurt, develop defenses which protect them from more hurt (sometimes). It sounds as though you are just recently out of your marriage and now, available. However, her defenses (as mine) would believe that not enough time has gone by for them to be dropped.
As for advice? I'm not sure. But, perhaps if you accepted what she says about how she feels, and left a bit of breathing room in your friendship, things might change in the future. I'm even thinking you might discuss with her some things you would rather not hear from her....like her assessment of other men in her life, especially her comparing them to you. If you are such close friends you may consider telling her your feelings are headed a bit more in another direction now that you are single, but that, in order to preserve her respect and the friendship, you won't go there, BUT, will head out in your OWN direction while retaining the "friendship".
To be truthful, I have several wonderful men friends....I really care a lot for them, but, when it comes to romance, it's just not on my mind with them. The elusive chemistry just isn't there.
Hopefully, I've been a bit helpful to you?
KK
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| 11/1/2008 3:46:16 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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kaltesherz
Tulsa, OK
age: 34
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I've had several lady friends cry on my shoulder and inevitably they say "Why can't I find a great guy like you?". At that point I kick them to the curb, do something I RARELY do, raise my voice and tell them exactly where the fark to shove their heads.
HELLO, here's your sign.
Hmm,,,,, 4 women have done that, and 4 times I've gone off.
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| 11/1/2008 4:04:48 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 52
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She thinks too much of you like a brother.
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| 11/1/2008 4:20:01 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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optimystk
Fort Mohave, AZ
age: 48
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why waste your time? there are so many women who need sex
offer it up and move on
yes all women lie.........they all want sex that makes them cum
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| 11/1/2008 5:09:48 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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rocket000
Murrayville, GA
age: 51
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Optimystik-I've read several of your responses in these forums.Most of your replies are not even related to the actual question of the OP. Do you have the mental ability or sensitivity to contribute anything of value? Or do you prefer trying to shock and being vulgar? I'm sure your mother and any kids would be SO impressed with your cerebral replies. By the way employers often use companies to check "what" a prospective employee has posted on the net. Of course this is generally more prevalent in jobs that are probably many levels above your skill set.
I would hope before you start typing another foul reply you STOP, read the question, if you're able construct a thoughtful reply. If not don't write. At this point you are embarrassing yourself.
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| 11/1/2008 5:35:06 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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wifluffy
Hartland, WI
age: 44
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I think she does have feelings for u but just is worried that if things wouldn't work out for u 2 then bye bye to a friendship and she doesn't want u totally out of her life. U know i can understand that. U never know what may happen and there are no guarentees sooooo i think she is playing it safe.....if she doesn't take this further with u then she won't risk loosing u all together.......JMO.........
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| 11/2/2008 2:30:44 PM |
She looks for guys with my attributes but won't date me? |
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doreen1111
Brenham, TX
age: 45
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She's already rejected the idea of a sexual friendship with you .... However, if you really think you want her, keep putting yourself in situations that would allow her to see you in a different light.... make sure you look great ... go out with her (as friends) let her see you looking around .... ask someone else to dance and see how she reacts ... you'll need to ease into this one though... after a few great evenings out ... lean over, look in her eyes for 2 or 3 seconds and see if she's receptive to a kiss!!! You never know!!! GOOD >Luck!
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