| 4/30/2006 6:03:20 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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dolfincrazed
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I've been seeing this guy (let's call him "Steve") for a couple of months and I really like him, but we keep fighting about a friend of mine (let's call him "Mike") that I went out with last year. Mike is one of the nicest people I've ever met, we just didn't work as a couple but have become very good friends. I haven't slept with Mike since we stopped dating and he currently has a girlfriend, but Steve is convinced that the only reason Mike would want to stay friends is that he must want to sleep with me again. I've tried reassuring Steve that I want only him, but it doesn't help. I agreed to not see Mike in person, to limit contact to phone/email, but this hasn't helped either. Steve says he can live with this compromise "for now" but then he keeps bringing it up every few days and usually causes a fight. I told Steve the other day (when he had all ready picked a fight about it) that Mike has started looking for a wedding ring for his girlfriend, but he still wants me to cut off all contact. He says he doesn't understand why I want to hurt him like this, but isn't he driving HIMSELF crazy with this - I never bring up Mike's name because I know where that road goes. Steve says it's not about control, he just wants to protect me from getting hurt - but he's asking me to cut a person out of my life entirely and it makes me wonder. It seems to me that if Steve trusts me, which he says he does, then it doesn't matter what Mike wants and Steve needs to give me credit for knowing my own mind and being faithful unless I give him reason not to. This is going to end our relationship if we can't get past it and I don't want this to happen, but I don't want to let Steve dictate who I can and can't be friends with either. Any ideas???????
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| 4/30/2006 7:05:36 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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unslightlynorml
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Current beau is going to turn himself inside out anytime you talk with a former fling now and any man you talk to or that looks at you later. HIS insecurity is going to become the focal point of almost all discussions and/or topics during your relationship. He seems insecure and controlling and you have just begun your battle for sanity darling. Been there, booted him. Kat
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| 4/30/2006 7:14:15 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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krazz
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Damn unslightlynorml, get outta my head! LOL! But you are exactly right. Guess I was positing to the other forum topic, when you were here. You are right on the money though. Us guys can get obsessive about those things. I think it's a gene defect under the "Jelous Gene" group. Thank G-d I got the recall notice on that gene, and had the new "anti-jelous" gene installed. It does still act up every now and then, but it's still under warranty.
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| 5/1/2006 1:43:16 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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ol_hillbilly
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Ya, controlling factor there. Dump his azz. Keep Mike as a pal. Pals are worth more.
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| 5/1/2006 1:37:44 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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brownsugarbaby
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I think u need to dumb him because if steve says he trust you there should be no problem. You cant have a relationship without trust I had the same problem with one of my exes he want me to do the same thing cut off all contact with my friend who was one of my exes i could not take it anymore we broke up not beacause of that but some other stuff. You should always keep your friends around because boyfriends dont last forever.
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| 5/25/2006 11:39:20 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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emtnancy50
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I agree with Hill totally on this one..hes way to controlling..been there an dlost all my friends...never again ..friends should be forever.
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| 9/25/2006 12:50:26 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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sunshine43
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This is one thing I don't have to worry about. Its been over 1 1/2 years ago since I have even talked or seen him, because of his new wife. Insecure I suppose. Its a shame though, because we have 2 kids together, over 18 years of marriage. Being friends is one thing, but it would be different if you were sleeping together. Some people just don't understand "friendship". There is a fine line for it.
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| 9/25/2006 10:20:37 PM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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lynn53
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I agree with Kat...the new guy is way to controlling. If he trusted you like he said, then whats the problem? The Problem is he doesn't trust you at all...
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| 9/26/2006 2:16:19 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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emtnancy50
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I don't want to let Steve dictate who I can and can't be friends with either.
I think you already know the answer..
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| 9/26/2006 4:47:45 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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hard_to_handle
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I agree with the masses to a degree. I believe that there is a possability that when steve first voiced his uncomfortableness over the situation it could have possibly been handled differently and now it wouldnt seem so controlling.
Did it occur that he obviously was not receiving something from you that he felt you were sharing with steve stil, Something that seems to have distanced both of you a great deal.
I am friends with one of my x's and she lives three hopuses down. Her new boyfriend and I have met and we speek however we are conscious of his feelings and although we are friends we are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend so we do not share as much time around each other as we use to in fact very little.
When we do he is always involved.
what I feel you did is tell your new object of affection that his feelings were of no concern to you that your ex was more important than the relationship between the two of you. That made it a focal point for your relationship which the two of you became stubborn over.
Personally I feel cheating emotionally is by far worse than cheating sexually. the closeness you were sharing with your x clearly was not a part of your present relationship and wouldnt that be important to you if you really cared about him?
I think maybe this relationship was not truly there to begin with but it was convenient for you. Not saying being friends with your ex is wrong by far. however i life we have to make choices and you chose not to make it work with the ex and clearly not to make it work with steve.
thanks
ok all cut me up
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| 9/26/2006 9:23:15 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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lynn53
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So, your EX who is your friend that lives down the street..should not be your friend? Sounded like a double statement when you referred to caring more for her present b/f and making him happy ...just a little jab Hard..LOL
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| 9/26/2006 10:32:05 AM |
New guy upset over being friends with ex |
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hard_to_handle
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ooh ya got me. I just meant that things can get away from us especially in the beginning of a relationship when people are getting to know each other and sort out exactly how they feel and how the other person feels about them. Sorry girls but many a time has a woman decided to sleep with the x for relief because ya'll think well we already have so its not being cheap etc. Obviously there was no communication between them.
Like us lynn but we worked it out I have my orange sky and you have your lavender and we think they both are wonderful.
Oh to answer that we are friends but we dont talk daily or even weekly for that matter we see each other and have busy lives.
You can be sure that if she met someone she was really interested in it never would have been an issue because he would have had her attention instead of her x.
I am not a jealous person at all. if ya like me stick around if ya dont thats fine find the one that makes you happy so I can too. However If we say we feel different than we do and our actions indicate this those we are seeing will pick up on it even if its not obvious. and its that this just isnt right feeling that blows into so much and if she insists he is it then he doesnt want to leave her but yet neither one is getting their emotional needs met.
Come on ladies someone address the issue of which is worse cheating emotionally by having a closer emotional bond with another person or sexual cheating?
Which of you would accept your man always on the phone with another woman, coming in to say something to him and they are talking again and you have to wait knowing that there is a whole world involving the one you care about that you are not part of?
[Edited 9/26/2006 10:40:23 AM]
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