| 12/4/2008 7:58:01 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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mysterly
Louisville, KY
age: 61
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You know, I have kind of avoided widows for these twelve years because I felt all they would be able to talk about was their late husbands. He did this, he did that, we never or we always ...
Now I have had a number of emails with, phone conversations with and one date (so far) with a lovely widow who has blown that theory all to hell.
So, I got to thinking... A widow is someone who was agreeable, willing and able to communicate, a compromiser, a true partner to the one that she stayed with 'until death did them part'.
Now, I have tried to have communications with a number of divorced women because of this flaw in my thinking, but I find that every time I do so I am treated unfairly. Every word is suspect, every thought is some deep dark perversion. When in fact there is no more truthful, honest person than I. But I am not looking for someone to fight and argue with, I am looking for someone I can look forward to being with.
My latest effort was to a lovely woman of near my age, I being two years the junior, who wrote "I give up Lord, if you want me to have a mate you will have to make us bump into each other at Wal-Mart, Amen". Within two days I was sorry I found her profile. She had been married twice, now I understand why she had also been divorced twice. Don't misunderstand me please, I am not angry, I feel sorry for her and all the others like her of which there seem to be many.
May I suggest that you leave your anger, your hurt, whatever comes between you and someone seeking you in your nightstand? Open up yourself mentally to a new chapter in your life. It could be the best chapter yet, but you will never know while you have nothing but suspicion and hatred in your heart. Good luck to us all.
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| 12/4/2008 8:14:22 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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judit0606
Big Stone Gap, VA
age: 51
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 Well, I'm glad you've changed your mind about widows. MOST of us don't carry our loved one over to the NEXT relationship. I've discoved that there is still LIFE out here for me and I'm NOT going to mess the rest of my life up by looking back. I believe the ones who do that are not READY to begin a NEW relationship, anyway! JMO
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| 12/4/2008 8:42:37 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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maryg2
Philadelphia, PA
age: 38
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well, u seemed to have discover something about women and people w/their baggage and u r right, not all people r the same. widowed or divorced. i definitely think divorced people carry their baggage and hurt around longer than widowed people do but u still can't judge all people the same. everyone moves at their own pace in life and looks at things differently. u have to go thru a lot of bad apples to find a ripe one esp. in dating. not sure if that analogy really applies but what the hell...
i would think w someone widowed, when their significant other passed, they most likely had good memories about them even tho they r sad. w divorced people, the split is nine times out of ten bitter and angry for various reasons and that takes time for it to get out of their system. widowed people need time too tho. cuz u can't be sooo sad that in new relationships u r still looking to replace your deceased onto the new. its just not going to happen and that could push the new person away. but communications is always a big plus too. and for the ones u meet that can't move on, so be it. u have to move on.
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| 12/4/2008 9:38:43 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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optimystk
Fort Mohave, AZ
age: 48
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there is a forum here just for widows/widowers
And I found being a widower myself, that Both are rejected for whatever reason
and changed my staus to single...whalla instantly I start getting contacts
So it may be true that people who have demonstrated a commitment to their mate
till death.......which is what people say they want
Act the opposite and seek out the bouncing from mate to mate routine
passing up those who prefer a lifetime partnership and have the history of just that
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| 12/4/2008 12:09:22 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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monaj40
Binghamton, NY
age: 40
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Can't relate but good luck to ya aniways 
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| 12/4/2008 12:12:52 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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96292848d
Summerdale, AL
age: 18 online now!
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Shrinks and counselors all agree that in 90 per cent divorce is more tramatic than death..
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| 12/4/2008 12:24:12 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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1bigiron
Stafford, KS
age: 45
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Shrinks and counselors all agree that in 90 per cent divorce is more tramatic than death..
I don't think i need a shrink or counselor to tell me that. I agree 100% But it is illegel to kill some one verses divorce.
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| 12/4/2008 12:40:32 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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grammymarg
Cynthiana, KY
age: 62
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Being the person you are talking about in this blog................I am not angry or mad or anything about my divorce. I walked out on an alcoholic husband who threatened to kill himself every month or so. I did not leave him because I did not love him. I left because of my sanity. I am over it. I have moved on. I do not want to jump into a relationship with someone I have not even talked to on the phone with. Come on, get real here. And one more thing, I could be considered a widow, because he did commit suicide. End of discussion.
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| 12/4/2008 1:59:17 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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fishenguy
Santa Rosa, CA
age: 49
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Heck.....I wish all I would find is widows. I'm not trying to be mean. But it's the widows that really appreciate men and what we do for them. Since I have been dovorced..3 years..I have dated two widows. And a TON of divorced women. Hands down....widows are more forgiving, more accepting, more caring, more loving.....and a whole lot less bitter.
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| 12/7/2008 10:24:57 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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mysterly
Louisville, KY
age: 61
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I guess it was a good thing I did not want to embarrass this nice, pretty lady by identifying her, isn't it?
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| 12/7/2008 11:07:44 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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sofstuff
Dunedin, FL
age: 56
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I could have told you that having been once the divored lady and now the widow. Both of these roles are played differently as you found out. Better late than never.
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| 12/7/2008 11:08:53 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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sofstuff
Dunedin, FL
age: 56
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Heck.....I wish all I would find is widows. I'm not trying to be mean. But it's the widows that really appreciate men and what we do for them. Since I have been dovorced..3 years..I have dated two widows. And a TON of divorced women. Hands down....widows are more forgiving, more accepting, more caring, more loving.....and a whole lot less bitter.
Thank you kind sir, I agree.
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| 12/7/2008 11:13:38 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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sofstuff
Dunedin, FL
age: 56
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Being the person you are talking about in this blog................I am not angry or mad or anything about my divorce. I walked out on an alcoholic husband who threatened to kill himself every month or so. I did not leave him because I did not love him. I left because of my sanity. I am over it. I have moved on. I do not want to jump into a relationship with someone I have not even talked to on the phone with. Come on, get real here. And one more thing, I could be considered a widow, because he did commit suicide. End of discussion.
Been there done that, it's no fun but thank goodness you had the good sense to excape. And not to go blindly into what could be another mistake. We do tend to gravitate towards the same type of man until we break that cycle.
I don't get these guys on this chat wanting you to meet and you haven't met nor talked to them on the phone. Men some of you need a reality check, women aren't that desperate. Heck 1/2 of you don't even put up your photo and then you ask us for a photo. Nerve of some men. Getting off my soapbox. 
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| 12/7/2008 11:44:41 AM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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katrinasq
Mena, AR
age: 39
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I'm sorry the OP has had the misfortune to meet only the bitter divorced women. My own divorce was very amicable and I am friendly with my ex. I don't feel bitter, and I definitely don't project any bitterness towards men in general when I date. If anything, all the post divorce mind games and bed hoppers is making me more bitter than my divorce did!
[Edited 12/7/2008 11:45:04 AM]
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| 12/7/2008 12:56:03 PM |
Dating divorced vs widowed |
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grammymarg
Cynthiana, KY
age: 62
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I don't mind any one talking about me but at least get the story right. And one more thing, I am a very happy person. No need to leave any thing in my night stand,
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