Betrayals and long term trust issues

1/20/2009 10:45:36 PM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
julymorning07 Saint James, MO age: 56	Tonight I realized that I don't trust anyone anymore. Everyone that has ever been important to me has betrayed me, left me, lied to me. Starting with my parents and right down to the present relationship I'm in, and unfortunately its a slightly ldr and that doesn't help. I had a counselor tell me a couple of years ago I had trust issues from being deserted so often. It isn't fun dealing with a suspicious heart and mind, trying to assuage panic without letting the other person be aware of what you feel or think. I would die first, because I have heard some of the most unbelievable stories about the lengths some people go to, to make sure no one gets away with anything. Unfortunately it's because of real incidents, not imagined, that get this started each time with me. I find yourself accepting every single explanation given, because I know my tendencies. I can't even trust myself, trust my own instincts. I've read the threads about cheating partners, and 99.9% percent of the repliers state its a deal breaker. The problem is not so much whether the cheater will do it again. There is a slight possibilty it MAY never happen again, especially if your relationship is growing in positive directions, otherwise. Does anyone that's been cheated on identify with this? The problem is there will always be that doubt, and therefore you DO NOT trust, anymore. No matter how badly you want to, you don't. It's a miserable feeling. Yeah, I'm having a bad night. Probably all for nothing, but at this time I have no idea.
1/20/2009 11:08:05 PM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
jondalar Reno, NV age: 54	I have a belief that everyone leaves. I know it for a fact and so I do not depend on anything or anyone to always be there. In relating to your belief and the fact that it has been true many times and will be again I think there are two ways of dealing with these beliefs. Be paranoid looking for it to happen or accept that it will and live in the moment knowing that what we believe will happen will happen and decide ahead of time how you will deal with it. When people leave my life I wish them well on their next journey whatever that may be. I am not hurt nor do I wish them harm. I also do not limit the amount of love I am willing to give because i do not like to feel half alive or love halfway. I sounds a little mixed up as i write it down but then life was a little mixed up on the way to this point so I just work with what I know and try to be as loving a person as I can at all times. Hope you can make some sense out of this that is helpful. Love and light be yours Jondalar
1/20/2009 11:16:26 PM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
jondalar Reno, NV age: 54	There is also the metaphysical beliefs that what we think, we create, so in essence what we think will happen, does. But it does not matter how these things happen what matters is do you choose to let this steal your joy or do you choose to find a way to live with this as your reality and still choose joy. This has nothing to do with weather you stay or leave, weather you condone the betrayal or relieve him of the testicles that cause him stray.
1/21/2009 12:08:31 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
cruise427 Los Angeles, CA age: 41	its hard for me to trust a person, that cheated on me.. especially, if that person also ..stole things from you.. like money, and personal belongings.. or .. if they're constantly doing some "sneaky shit", behind your back ... how do you trust someone that ,"sneaks out" of the house, to be with someone else.. while you're sleeping. and then try to "convince" me, she did nothing wrong, or how could you ever possibly trust anyone , who has visitors knocking on her window at 1am 3am 4am, and later find out, she was doing "booty calls", one of her bad habits, was ... she would always "change her stories",.. or always have an excuse , for everything.. some people, you cannot trust.. because they'll always try to bullshit, or take advantage of you, in some sort of way i always knew when she was really bullshitting, because she would add some serious "drama",.. to the point that it was almost like a joke,..but she would act serious, trying to convince me that, shes this really nice person.. she would lie and bullshit so much, that .. she would forget how the story went, and just continue to lie, and then get mad at me for not beleiving her.. to this day, she still trys to lie and bullshit me.. i walked away months ago, and i'm glad i did, because shes always playing games the truth has a way of coming out, over time.. and now things are making sense, and shes even starting to admit she was cheating the whole time.. the things she does, and the things she did..causes me not to have any trust in this person.. my mistake was , not leaving sooner, never again will i have a relationship with someone that "constantly" lies or "bullshits","hustles", or needs more than 1 man, in her life. amazes me how she cant figure out why guys treat her like shit.
1/21/2009 1:28:00 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
jaynel Dallas, NC age: 56	You are going to be alright, right now you may feel not ok, but you telling yourself you want to trust yourself, and have emotional support, you can and will get stronger. jmo hope for better days, they will come. Joy
1/21/2009 2:04:06 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
lillibet New South Wales Australia age: 51	Trust is a very precious thing...It is also something to be earned by both parties by everyone really...When in our lives our trust is repeatedly abused and broken it leaves many scars and that in turn leads to distrust not only with others but within ourselves...We are the only ones who can change this thought pattern and break the cycle...To do so we must first start trusting our own instincts listen to what your gut tells you learn to know when something just doesnt feel right and trust that its correct... When meeting people until you come to know them more give them the benefit of the doubt...Dont assume that every person is out to abuse you and your trust in them...I always give my trust until its broken then you will not ever regain it.....Like you i have known a lot of abuse starting within my family then in my relationships and marriage...I have suffered enormously but i still like to give others a chance...As soon as my gut talks I listen truly it will not let you down...Trust in your own instincts and from there things will improve immensly.....As soon as you choose to trust in yourself the rest will follow and you will know whent o trust and when not to...Better days are ahead good luck ....
1/21/2009 2:30:13 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
122750again Sioux Falls, SD age: 58	I know ezactly how you feel OP. Trust is hard After so many times of thinking I could Trust, i don't Trust my own instincts about Men anymore
1/21/2009 2:58:37 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
sapphireblue579 Jackson, MI age: 50	If a man has earned my trust...I will continue to trust him, until he does something to disprove himself. Then I will leave and never look back. I used to be of the mind to give him another chance...and another...and another...ad naseum. But that is waste of time and heart and tears.
1/21/2009 3:07:27 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
mindovermatter6 Madison Heights, MI age: 47 online now!	What can cause a person to lose their trust? Simple trush or blind trust, our uncounscious side of trust that makes betrayal inconceivable. This trust never becomes conscious because it never reaches the analytical mind. It's the kind of trust that we have in friends, like they will not suddenly turn on us and hurt us physically. Like drawing and knife and stabbing us. But onece this turest is betrayed it cannot be recovered. Once someone violates our trust they cannot be trusted. Blindtrust-willfully IGNORES any reason NOT TO TRUST. Blind trust- is self deception. The issues of trust is fundamental and inescapable! Who can you trust if you can't trust your family, parents, loved ones? Who can you turn too when you have faced a lifetime of rejection? Who can you trust when you do something nice for a person, and they condemn you or turn on you? From a young age, they program into us the term STRANGER DANGER, don't trust stranger. Don't talk to a stranger about your parents abusing or neglecting you in your home? When no one wants to act or get involved. Yes we do have suffering, violence, abduction, murder, threats, sexual abuse, illness, loss of loved ones, conflicts that lead to fight or flight, loss of opportunities. Were in denail, with little education, no hope, loss of trust and hope for our future. We have been divorced, uprooted, and displaced with no protection, and no one to call in case of emergency. Trust comes when we know we can count on others to protect us, ones who are cmitted to us and care for ours and the well being of others. Someone you can confide in not to expose all that you talk about. Since we all know that gossip is a big headache, which stems from the gossiper's lack of trust. Trust comes with getting to know someone as well as yourself. How many of you have people you can honestly depend on and trust? How many of you feel safe in your own homes, around the people you go to school and work with. How many people can you turn to in a time of need.., I say not too many. Ragenna Matti
1/21/2009 3:22:37 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
sage_way Cottonwood, AZ age: 47	I am with you sapphire.....I just walk away. No I don't easily trust, that is a defense mechanism on my part. However, I do not hold grudges either. I am a firm believer in that ones actions will enfold on to them and that they must take responsibility. I tend to feel remorse for those who are like you describe.
1/21/2009 4:31:43 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
kantc Bullhead City, AZ age: 50	being a bit cynical myself I always insist that my trust be earned, and not expected
1/21/2009 7:03:48 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
msbevzie Oregon, OH age: 45	I am so sorry you have to go through this...I am sure there are books out there you can read, as a matter of fact I know there is. I myself trust until someone gives me a reason not to. I know how LDR's are my second husband lived 2500 miles from me, I had total trust in him I'd known him for 2 years before I even moved in with him. BUT THEN... One thing I can honestly look back on...and have a hard time trusting in is when he always told me..."YOU are the only one in my life"...what he basically was saying is...I fly all over the world and I'm sleeping with any female I come across, and that's OK because your not with me YET! He'd also use this saying..."I'm a man of my word, I say what I mean, and I mean what I say!" BULLSHIT flag in his case right there. I cannot say all men are like this because I don't honestly believe that...he has many issues besides that! I trust myself and know myself and I think that's a good reason why I'll trust others until I have been given reason not to!
1/21/2009 9:50:52 AM	Betrayals and long term trust issues
julymorning07 Saint James, MO age: 56	Quote from jondalar: There is also the metaphysical beliefs that what we think, we create, so in essence what we think will happen, does. But it does not matter how these things happen what matters is do you choose to let this steal your joy or do you choose to find a way to live with this as your reality and still choose joy. This has nothing to do with weather you stay or leave, weather you condone the betrayal or relieve him of the testicles that cause him stray. For many, many years I have also believed the metaphysical explanation. I don't know to what extent we play into it, but more than likely we play into it a great deal because I also DON'T believe in fate other than we make our own. A funny story-maybe coincidental event or not. Several years ago I was about to move and it was the last day of my job-part of which was as a cab driver. I'm an excellent driver and had had a good record. I joked that "Wouldn't it be funny/ironic if I had an accident on my last day." Later that afternoon I pulled into a small parking lot to pick up a fare and an elderly gentleman backed his car out of his parking space without looking and right into me. The poor man was so overly appologetic. I told him not to worry about it, he was just a victim of circumstances. I have no idea what he made of that, but I really believed it. I'm aware paranoia in a relationship has to be evident no matter how hard you try to cover it. In that regard I'm sure it has a huge negative impact on the other party whether they've done something to deserve it or not. Thanks to each of you for your responses. (((Hugs))) to all and a bit of reassurance that there are many out here that can deserve your trust, give you that safe place that maybe only death will steal away. I AM alright today, I was able to verify my worries were unfounded this time. I long for that 'safe place' where trust is an unconscious thing, as was brought out above. I think when I can feel that the nurturing has begun I will know I am home. Everyone, have a great week!

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