Sensitive Men or ..?

2/6/2009 9:14:16 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	The one thing that I have learned from reading some answers here is that - MEN ARE SO "SENSITIVE" and they get offended so easily or they just don't know how to deal with the anger. Most of you are divorced and some have not really gotten all the buried anger issues out yet. It could be this if some guy was miss treated by his wife he may see any criticism as an attack and respond as he would have to his X. As we all know without good communication and patient listening to each other before responding you cannot develop a real bond with each other.You cannot treat a woman or man as if it were your X. My apology I brought this up, but think about you are on dating site , what is your expectations? Your THOUGHTS?? Thanks
2/6/2009 9:40:15 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
barbaraajo Reston, VA age: 53	To be honest, sometimes I do not know what to expect from here!!!
2/6/2009 10:36:17 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
clownkilla Sarasota, FL age: 39	I don't know what you are trying to do here but it is pushing my buttons!
2/6/2009 10:40:57 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
hsprin Savannah, MO age: 33	all people are, not just men, so times you just need more time to heal, but it doesn't mean that they aren't serious about moving on, just that they still haven't processed it all through yet. Everything takes times, and it is not just men that do it either to be fair.
2/7/2009 1:14:03 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
midnightgambler Memphis, TN age: 32	A lot of women here are a lot worse than sensitive, but I won't go into that. Being sensitive is far from the worst thing someone can be.
2/7/2009 2:29:33 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 36	Quote from varvara: The one thing that I have learned from reading some answers here is that - MEN ARE SO "SENSITIVE" and they get offended so easily or they just don't know how to deal with the anger. Most of you are divorced and some have not really gotten all the buried anger issues out yet. It could be this if some guy was miss treated by his wife he may see any criticism as an attack and respond as he would have to his X. As we all know without good communication and patient listening to each other before responding you cannot develop a real bond with each other.You cannot treat a woman or man as if it were your X. My apology I brought this up, but think about you are on dating site , what is your expectations? Your THOUGHTS?? Thanks Your first problem is that you are generalizing and overly biased. Wake up and smell the coffee because there are many women that are extremely sensitive, moreover proven to be emotional than men greater than average, but not set in stone 100%. At 57, you should know this basic fundamental already. Are there some men that are sensitive, sure there are. Your eyes must have been shut as you must not have seen some of the sensitive remarks by some of the women on here that are easily offended as well. I'm being sarcastic with my previous statement because I know you have seen threads where some women have been sensitive also.
2/7/2009 2:46:15 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
judit0606 Big Stone Gap, VA age: 52	I agree with bestman! There ARE some sensitive PEOPLE on here. BUT, I've read some of these forums and it's GREAT!!! NOTHING seems to faze some people!
2/7/2009 4:11:49 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
johnterrycjr Grafton, WV age: 47	I've noticed that, a lot of the time people will come to these forums to search for answers in trying to undestand things that went wrong, and in doing so, forget that, when they reply to a thread that they've just read and don't agree with or take it the wrong way, they feel that thay have to respond to it, not giving themselves a chance to look at it from a different point of view. It depends on their frame of mind at that moment. An hour or day later, their view may be softer of different. At that time will they come back and recount their original thoughts? Most generally, no. When I first came to this site, I had this paticular problem with myself. I took it and myself way too seriously. Today, almost a year later, I have a completely different view as well as aproach. Learning how to learn to use what I've read took me time to do. Meanwhile, I was just coming out of a really bad marriage and everything didn't look clear to me then. Hard to think when you get too wrapped up in yourself. I'm now coming out of a relationship that just recently failed. But, that doesn't give me the right to be reactionary because I feel hurt, down or bad. For some folk, this is a thing that takes time to learn. I was one of them.
2/7/2009 5:27:17 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
bry11ca Irving, TX age: 45	I know that my own sensitivity (as in negative response) is tied to my current condition of self-respect, humility, level of peace, and confidence level. You can sometimes see where people are in their healing process, hints as to their core disposition (glass half empty / glass half full), and general volatility in their posts. I can only hope that my replies show consideration of the topic and relate my honest opinions and experience or are playfully humorous, afterall, as stated in my profile, the primary reason I am on DH is to make myself laugh and toss out light fritations and compliments to people whodeserve a smile and a pick-me-up. Also, this is an open, semi-anonymous venue. People are sometimes emboldened to let their emotions show in a less filtered way than they might in person. Perhaps this can be somewhat therapeutic for them and in that regard will help them to see their issues more clearly when they re-read their own posts. I try not to make assumptions, and unless someone is attacking someone, committing a crime, or as I did yesterday in the rape thread, concealing or enabling a crime, I generally won't get flustered by the posts. Bry [Edited 2/7/2009 5:33:14 AM PST]
2/7/2009 5:59:39 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
rugburns48 Fort Mohave, AZ age: 49	apology..........not accepted
2/7/2009 9:23:06 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	Quote from clownkilla: I don't know what you are trying to do here but it is pushing my buttons! [so I see.. you do like this red head ] I wonder why?
2/7/2009 9:51:52 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	Quote from johnterrycjr: I've noticed that, a lot of the time people will come to these forums to search for answers in trying to understand things that went wrong, and in doing so, forget that, when they reply to a thread that they've just read and don't agree with or take it the wrong way, they feel that thay have to respond to it, not giving themselves a chance to look at it from a different point of view. It depends on their frame of mind at that moment. An hour or day later, their view may be softer of different. At that time will they come back and recount their original thoughts? Most generally, no. When I first came to this site, I had this particular problem with myself. I took it and myself way too seriously. Today, almost a year later, I have a completely different view as well as approach. Learning how to learn to use what I've read took me time to do. Meanwhile, I was just coming out of a really bad marriage and everything didn't look clear to me then. Hard to think when you get too wrapped up in yourself. I'm now coming out of a relationship that just recently failed. But, that doesn't give me the right to be reactionary because I feel hurt, down or bad. For some folk, this is a thing that takes time to learn. I was one of them. Coming from you I really appreciate it,it made my day! Thank you for answering the questions.
2/7/2009 10:01:56 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
bbw46reader Frederick, MD age: 47	bestman, johnterry and bry Three smart and insightful male responses on one post? Be still my heart.
2/7/2009 10:14:38 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
leftfooted West Covina, CA age: 50	Quote from varvara: The one thing that I have learned from reading some answers here is that - MEN ARE SO "SENSITIVE" and they get offended so easily or they just don't know how to deal with the anger. Most of you are divorced and some have not really gotten all the buried anger issues out yet. It could be this if some guy was miss treated by his wife he may see any criticism as an attack and respond as he would have to his X. As we all know without good communication and patient listening to each other before responding you cannot develop a real bond with each other.You cannot treat a woman or man as if it were your X. My apology I brought this up, but think about you are on dating site , what is your expectations? Your THOUGHTS?? Thanks your statement should have read some men are so sensitive,as well as some women,just as some men and women respond with anger and are easily offended,though others choose too express their anger in other ways at other times, while some people consider what is being expressed is being generated by anger others do not,which could mean that some of those that consider that someone is responding in an angrily manner may be more sensitive then others that do not think that anger is being expressed
2/7/2009 10:24:24 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	Quote from bry11ca: I know that my own sensitivity (as in negative response) is tied to my current condition of self-respect, humility, level of peace, and confidence level. You can sometimes see where people are in their healing process, hints as to their core disposition (glass half empty / glass half full), and general volatility in their posts. I can only hope that my replies show consideration of the topic and relate my honest opinions and experience or are playfully humorous, afterall, as stated in my profile, the primary reason I am on DH is to make myself laugh and toss out light fritations and compliments to people whodeserve a smile and a pick-me-up. Also, this is an open, semi-anonymous venue. People are sometimes emboldened to let their emotions show in a less filtered way than they might in person. Perhaps this can be somewhat therapeutic for them and in that regard will help them to see their issues more clearly when they re-read their own posts. I try not to make assumptions, and unless someone is attacking someone, committing a crime, or as I did yesterday in the rape thread, concealing or enabling a crime, I generally won't get flustered by the posts. Bry I am just trying to understand men emotional filters and maybe some day, we women will know you better. (yeah right) P.S.Thank you for the wise answer
2/7/2009 10:35:37 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	Quote from leftfooted: your statement should have read some men are so sensitive,as well as some women,just as some men and women respond with anger and are easily offended,though others choose too express their anger in other ways at other times, while some people consider what is being expressed is being generated by anger others do not,which could mean that some of those that consider that someone is responding in an angrily manner may be more sensitive then others that do not think that anger is being expressed YES, depends so much on her/his state of mind, if " you" are still walking around with a wounded heart, feelings of betrayal the response could be somewhat different? I know it take time....... Thank you.
2/7/2009 10:52:54 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
mindovermatter6 Madison Heights, MI age: 47	Quote from varvara: The one thing that I have learned from reading some answers here is that - MEN ARE SO "SENSITIVE" and they get offended so easily or they just don't know how to deal with the anger. Most of you are divorced and some have not really gotten all the buried anger issues out yet. It could be this if some guy was miss treated by his wife he may see any criticism as an attack and respond as he would have to his X. As we all know without good communication and patient listening to each other before responding you cannot develop a real bond with each other.You cannot treat a woman or man as if it were your X. My apology I brought this up, but think about you are on dating site , what is your expectations? Your THOUGHTS?? Thanks Varvara humans are SENSITIVE beings, male or female, when we are hurting we project that hurt to the point that no one wants to get to know us. We cannot bond with another, for the same reason were not still bonded to our ex-spouses, because some individuals were not raised in loving homes that taught them the art of love and respect. People need time to adjust to being single... they should explain to their date "this is not a catch you on a rebound type of deal." You have the good communication and patient listening but, anger much like love is an emotion, an emotion that a person should be able to express without being rejected or not listened too. Being not heard may be one of the reason why they are angry. They are trying to tell someone something and no one is listening, that would tic me off. Someone hit a cord... and the familiarity of the same old tune is being played out once again. Unless the person is trully psycho, people should be able to get their anger out once in awhile, its called venting, and they just want someone to hear them out, give them a hug and say, breath baby everything gonna be all right. Ya want to bond, you say, "your ex is out darling, and I am in!" I'am here for you, in your conner helping you get over the pain. It may take time but show your love, compassion and understanding, I'm sure he or she will come through. Communication is a two way street, so start with, I'm not your damn ex, I am me, repeat it tell you know he heard you, and make sure he knows you listened to him as well. At least a bit of negative confrontation, is better than none at all! And if there is a conflict, its between him and his ex, not you. And still if your feeling their conflict, note that they are problems and problems can be solved. Mindovermatter. I do mind people who avoid and run away from their problems, because they'll never get over them by doing so.., problems don't just dissapear. What matters most is that it is within our struggles in life for which we shine, because we had the help of others who understood our fate and help to pull us through. Play nice with each other kids!!!!! I'd love a sensitive man! [Edited 2/7/2009 11:01:36 AM PST]
2/7/2009 12:12:27 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
bubba19682007 Leadville, CO age: 41	Id like to know, why women say they wish men were more sensitive and into their feelings. and when you are they leave with the total a**hole? never been able to figure that one out
2/7/2009 12:29:40 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
leftfooted West Covina, CA age: 50	Quote from bubba19682007: Id like to know, why women say they wish men were more sensitive and into their feelings. and when you are they leave with the total a**hole? never been able to figure that one out because some men will make it seem as if they are responding to the womans feelings but in reality they are really attending to their own
2/7/2009 3:12:34 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
varvara Minneapolis, MN age: 58	Quote from mindovermatter6: humans are SENSITIVE beings, male or female, when we are hurting we project that hurt to the point that no one wants to get to know us. We cannot bond with another, for the same reason were not still bonded to our ex-spouses, because some individuals were not raised in loving homes that taught them the art of love and respect. People need time to adjust to being single... they should explain to their date "this is not a catch you on a rebound type of deal." You have the good communication and patient listening but, anger much like love is an emotion, an emotion that a person should be able to express without being rejected or not listened too. Being not heard may be one of the reason why they are angry. They are trying to tell someone something and no one is listening, that would tic me off. Someone hit a cord... and the familiarity of the same old tune is being played out once again. Unless the person is truly psycho, people should be able to get their anger out once in awhile, its called venting, and they just want someone to hear them out, give them a hug and say, breath baby everything gonna be all right. Ya want to bond, you say, "your ex is out darling, and I am in!" I'm here for you, in your corner helping you get over the pain. It may take time but show your love, compassion and understanding, I'm sure he or she will come through. Communication is a two way street, so start with, I'm not your damn ex, I am me, repeat it tell you know he heard you, and make sure he knows you listened to him as well. At least a bit of negative confrontation, is better than none at all! And if there is a conflict, its between him and his ex, not you. And still if your feeling their conflict, note that they are problems and problems can be solved. Mindovermatter. I do mind people who avoid and run away from their problems, because they'll never get over them by doing so.., problems don't just dissapear. What matters most is that it is within our struggles in life for which we shine, because we had the help of others who understood our fate and help to pull us through. this is an awesome place to be to learn and grow so thank you all!! [I think many of us, end up hanging around here longer than we originally planned, because we find comfort in knowing that we are not alone in this world regarding all aspects of being single.] (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
2/7/2009 6:35:43 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
mindovermatter6 Madison Heights, MI age: 47	Varvara >>>hugs back at ya girl<<< True we are not alone in lifes struggles, but take it from a runner, that has not been able to run fast enough to get away from my problems. That you may run into something worse. Its true, problems and sticking them out to solve them is the best for all involved. Mindovermatter I realized now that I should have not minded all the drama, all the pain I thought I was going through. If I knew than what I know today, I would have gotten over what I thought was a bad relationship. What matters most now, is the fact that I'm single without that one I loved and gave up because of so much negative conflict. That pales in the fact, that I had true love and walked away, which is my own sins I have to live with. I love my son, he's living with dad, and I miss him so much. Though he's in a better school district and a stable home I still wish, I didn't leave, I wish I was with him, so I can see him off to his first prom, watch him grow into that fine young man I wish him to be. And I miss his dad because he was a good man. I guess no one knows what they have till its gone. For my sins of departure, I believe I'll never be loved like that again.
2/7/2009 6:43:46 PM	Sensitive Men or ..?
mindovermatter6 Madison Heights, MI age: 47	Sensitive, was my ex, more understanding of me than most men, but I couldn't understand why someone like him would be with someone like me, being that I had a bad track record in relationship. But he overlooked my flaws and cared for me inspite of them. I wish I could say the same for other men I have met but no.. they pale in his understanding. Mindovermatter It takes a strong mind to forgive, and get over anothers personal flaws. What matters most is to people understanding were each other is coming from and where they wish to go, smooth pathways away, into the furture. I wish all of you luck in your future relations...
2/9/2009 10:31:21 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
lamarw23 Dallas, TX age: 23	I was in love for the first time so I got in my first relationship. After 3.5 years she left me but it was of mistakes that I made. I just didn't know how to treat a woman right. To be nice and sensitive without being a wussy. I just chunked it up as a loss and promised myself not to make the same mistakes again. I didn't cheat just didn't make her feel appreciated and too her for granted over the years. I am still hurt a little by it but not angry at all. It was my fault and the positive is that I will be a much better bf in my nesxt relationship.
2/9/2009 11:13:17 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
countrycharmer Litchfield, OH age: 44	OP - I think the same thing can be stated for wither gender. While some men may be bitter, some women on here display the same bitterness and absolute no accountablility for anything in their lives (I guess the same can be said for men -- afterall, it is a gender neutral thread). my thoughts
2/9/2009 11:14:59 AM	Sensitive Men or ..?
wileyguy Wilkes Barre, PA age: 38	typical woman...starts a thread to pick on us then leaves . .

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