| 4/7/2009 7:39:20 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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sweet_in_ark
Fayetteville, AR
age: 40
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Does Jealousy = Insecurity? Looking for other opinions to a dilemma that I'm in...
Guy that I am seeing either flirts with/makes reference to other women on a pretty regular basis. Usually very casually (not in a very serious) manner, or I would have already ended things. There are no comparison references made up to this point. Just either casual flirting/conversation in my presence or comments later to me about how they looked. I want us to be able to talk about almost anything, but this is infringing upon my "comfort zone". I think that it is perfectly normal for a man or woman to look at the opposite sex and appreciate what they see...I just don't want to have to hear about it...LOL!
I have considered myself pretty secure in how I feel about myself up to this point. But I have to admit that I'm now having some insecurity issues. Not so much in that I wonder about how I look, but what he is looking for. I don't want to turn my heart over to a player that is possibly just looking for something better.
Any opinions/advice would be appreciated. 
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| 4/7/2009 8:05:04 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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crgzero
Tulsa, OK
age: 35
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Nobody can answer that within any reasonable accuracy but yourself.
My late wife used to look at guys and girls constantly and she would even point them out to me and say stuff about it. I was occasionally jealous, but I wasn't insecure about it because I knew her well enough to know that's how she was, and it was me that she had her arms around all the time and in the evening time it was me she had her legs around.
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| 4/7/2009 8:14:27 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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brujacakes3
Jim Thorpe, PA
age: 37
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I'm pretty open-minded about stuff like that but I do believe there is a line that could be crossed where it becomes a matter of respect for your partner (due to experience). Maybe it is comments, maybe body language or flirting....if he has his tongue dragging on the floor while checking out another girl or I have my tongue dragging on the floor checking out a guy....it is just being plain disrespectful to your partner.
If you are uncomfortable with any behavior your partner exudes, communicate it to him/her, give them the opportunity to correct it (since some of us are just plain oblivious to the effects of our behavior) and if they do not oblige.....move on, you are not as compatible as you thought.
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| 4/7/2009 8:27:38 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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ic2beyurs2
Kingman, AZ
age: 49
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based on my experience both men and women will admire or comment on things
that they find pleasing to the eye
wether its someones a** or a great sunset
get over it!
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| 4/7/2009 8:39:21 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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yourfriendbob
Fayette, OH
age: 55
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If you're too concerned, you're overly jealous. If you don't show any concern, you're not interested.
There's a fine line between attentive and psychotic. I can see it waaaaay over there from the psychotic side where I live...
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| 4/7/2009 8:41:25 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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wisegirl33
Queensland
Australia
age: 45
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Bob, where is the psychotic side, where you live ?
wisegirl33 - 8 April 09 at 144am Aest
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| 4/7/2009 8:52:17 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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fishenguy
Santa Rosa, CA
age: 50
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Doesn't sound to me like he is a player.....just very rude. It's a problem with him not you. Any man or woman would be uneasy if the person they were with kept flirting with other people in front of them. It doesn't mean he would cheat on you but it does mean he is rude and thoughtless. Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he keeps doing it dump him and move on.
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| 4/7/2009 8:55:47 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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goodgato
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 45
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Does he keep you pleased and a smile on your face the majority of the time?
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| 4/7/2009 8:57:54 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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k_tothe_c
Las Vegas, NV
age: 40
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yes!
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| 4/7/2009 9:19:13 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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kalakaijon
Miami, FL
age: 27
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If you have no reason to suspect, than it is definately insecurity
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| 4/7/2009 9:53:00 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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krasota23
Albuquerque, NM
age: 59 online now!
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Wikipedia:
Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a friendship. Jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing.
So, jealousy is a part of insecurity.
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| 4/7/2009 10:16:15 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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firebird1971
Gainesville, FL
age: 45
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HMM if he is not giving you the same amount of attention might be a problem . Look we all look and an occasional comment is normal . But if this is constant see a problem possably arrising here .Does he make eye contact with these ladies ? Inetiate conversation ? Does he look you in the eye when you are conversing ? If you notice he is not paying attention to you and is distracted constantly ,then something is up ..
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| 4/7/2009 10:31:08 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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cinthianna01
Goshen, IN
age: 30
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::t
Doesn't sound to me like he is a player.....just very rude. It's a problem with him not you. Any man or woman would be uneasy if the person they were with kept flirting with other people in front of them. It doesn't mean he would cheat on you but it does mean he is rude and thoughtless. Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he keeps doing it dump him and move on.
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| 4/7/2009 12:15:09 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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sweet_in_ark
Fayetteville, AR
age: 40
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Thanks for the responses/input. It was great to hear all the different points of view.
I spoke with him about this and he wasn't aware of it. It's never been anything that was over the top in the first place...thus my question. But I did let him know that I have been slightly upset by it and now that he is aware of it, I'm sure things will be different. Good communication is the key!
I look  ...I think that it is perfectly normal to look. Maybe even make a tasteful comment. I agree that people can overreact to these situations and I did not want to do that.
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| 4/7/2009 12:33:44 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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da_dawg
Venice, CA
age: 58
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As a Man, I would have to ask you to ask yourself the following:
Put yourself in HIS shoes....
What kind of relationship are you in now? Is it "exclusive" or not (from HIS point of view)?
If it is not "exclusive" (which means you can "see others" whether you are or not) then that means the same thing for him. In that case he might be telling you (in his own way) that he might want to move on to an "exclusive" relationship.
If it is already "exclusive"....... Then HE'S WRONG!!!!!!
B>) (smilin') 
Dawg 
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| 4/7/2009 1:17:07 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 49 online now!
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It is really up to the individual but if he is making you feel insecure, unless you are naturally so, this is not a good thing. I think you should communicate how you feel and how his actions make you feel. If he makes no effort to curb his flirting he is disrespecting you. This is not a matter of control or trying to change him as we are so often accused of doing. It's a matter of respect. The respect that you deserve and that if he is not willing to give you can find elsewhere.
You know I could understand this if y'all were an old married couple and he flirted with all the waitresses but if you are just starting to date why is he treating you like this? How will he treat you when he is more comfortable with the relationship and not as attentive to your needs?
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| 4/7/2009 3:11:25 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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lilmissala1957
Hartselle, AL
age: 52
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I have to go with the disrespect thing....I was married to an all out flirt. It was what attracted me to him to begin with. It was supposedly innocent flirting. As time went on his flirting became more disrespectful and the more I said to him the more he accused me of being jealous and insecure. He made the comment about our new neighbor to MY teen age sons he would sure like to get between her legs. I over heard the comment and come totally unhinged. #1 because he would make a comment like that to my sons #2 Because it was total disrespect toward me....Of course he turned the table with the old jealousy thing. Let me tell you there is jealousy and there is disrespect. I will not tolerate disrespect!
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| 4/7/2009 4:01:57 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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mdd3rd
Miamisburg, OH
age: 38
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being too jealous is a problem ,might end up like jake lamatta in raging bull, but the guy does have a manners problem.
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| 4/7/2009 4:17:28 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
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he's a w-o-m-a-n-i-z-e-r!
Little jealousy is okay, when you point out that you are the one who should have the most of his attention.
I wouldn't get insecure hunny I'd be mad. Like your with me.., HELLO... over here, I'm over here!
It's not a good thing, if hes out with you, even if your together 20 years, he should treat women with more respect..
Just maybe he hasen't gotten over being single...but it's rude... and your probably feeling more hurt than insecure.
It's okay to compliment anothers cloths, how they look, but when they make rude remarks, and sexual comments well thats a no..., no....
My ex had the habit with his eyes walking all over the pretty ladies especially when they were in dresses, when we first started dating. I was so mad once I said, if ya don't stop looking at that women, I'm going over and tell her that I'm your sister and that you want to _____ her..., and you wont see me any more. He stopped all that crappy, we were together 18 years.
JMO
Mindovermatter 
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| 4/7/2009 4:35:25 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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tallangel64
Lincolnton, NC
age: 45
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I can only respond based on my feelings and experiences. I am more jealous than I want to be and it's a result of my being insecure. Jealously can be a strain on any relationship; I hate being jealous and am trying to focus on having more control and not letting myself become jealous. Luckily, I have noticed a positive change for my efforts.
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| 4/7/2009 5:08:06 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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weiszed
Huntsville, AL
age: 21
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Actually I'd say the opposite. Jealously is natural and I'd say his flirting tendencies are the sign of insecurity regarding conversational skills or how the women view him. His choice in bringing up sensitive topics about other girls when talking to you also sounds like he's trying to get a rise out of you. Don't really know anything more than what you told me, but if it was an accurate portrayal he sounds a little immature.
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| 4/7/2009 5:37:53 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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lillibet
New South Wales
Australia
age: 52
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Not neccessarily no...But if I was with a man who continually flirted and perved well I wouldnt stay round too long...Its a question of how sincere they are in their affections to you...Frankly any man or woman that has to flirt and try catching the attention of opposite sex when they are in a relaltionship it shows that they are the ones with a problem....Its up to you how much you want to put up with...And remember jealousy to an extent is a normal emotion...Anyone who says they dont feel jealousy is not being honest..And anyone who deliberately provokes jealous feelings in another needs a kick in the ass....
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| 4/7/2009 6:45:32 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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special1too
Rockford, IL
age: 36
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Not neccessarily no...But if I was with a man who continually flirted and perved well I wouldnt stay round too long...Its a question of how sincere they are in their affections to you...Frankly any man or woman that has to flirt and try catching the attention of opposite sex when they are in a relaltionship it shows that they are the ones with a problem....Its up to you how much you want to put up with...And remember jealousy to an extent is a normal emotion...Anyone who says they dont feel jealousy is not being honest..And anyone who deliberately provokes jealous feelings in another needs a kick in the ass....
Nice! I think that being jealous shows you care, but I feel it also stems from insecurity. I am jealous, and I am trying to work on it. I know its a wasted emotion that causes unwanted trouble.
Everyone looks...bottom line, ya just don't have to be an a** and talk about how big some chicks hooters are when mine are just as big. I mean really, 
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| 4/7/2009 7:32:13 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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southenbelle68
Madison Heights, VA
age: 41
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If I was with a man that didn't apprciate a beautiful women walking by I would think he was gay. LOL I have been with a man like that.
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| 4/7/2009 7:43:02 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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honey1952
Greenville, SC
age: 55
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It is not jealousy or insecurity. It's a matter of respect. Each partner should show respect for the person they are with whether it's a new relationsip or an old one. 
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| 4/7/2009 10:39:16 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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goddess56
Tulsa, OK
age: 60
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Sometimes people feed into your insecurities.
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| 4/7/2009 10:40:34 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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alaskaway
Clear, AK
age: 42
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yes, in most instances it does.
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| 4/8/2009 3:16:01 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
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Everyone feels insecure and jealous at times we are human therefore we do have emotions.
I struggle with both emotions, as well I try to control them as well.
Yet when someone goes out of their way to make me feel insecure and jealous, I'd say they are playing with my emotions, and its a red flag. Meaning they are really not caring about how I feel... and these emotions do hurt.
The last time my friend tried to stir these emotions in me... I became so upset, that I just asked him, "is there a reason for me to be insecure, is there a reason for me to be jealouse? He said... "NO." I said... alright than stop trying to make me feel insecure and jealous, because I hate feeling this way.
When two people like/love each other they let each other go about their days without worry, without thinking the other is up to something. They respect each other enough to let the other know that they are the only one, and they DO NOT play psychological head games that makes the other feel jealous, insecure or bad about themself in any way. They are there to build each other up, hold them up, make them feel good about themselves, and repect each others feelings, in order for both to become the best each one can be within a relationship.
The guys a player... I wish you luck in finding someone who is trully interested in all that you are.
Mindovermatter
[Edited 4/8/2009 3:19:13 AM PST]
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| 4/8/2009 3:32:14 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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robtest
Norcross, GA
age: 48
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I have typically found in my experience that jealousy is a sign of insecurity or a sign that they themselves are a cheater...
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| 4/9/2009 3:23:47 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
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Oh B.S. robtest....
My grandparents married and lived their life together, when my grandfather passed my grandmother outlived him 20 years.
She had gentalman suitors but grandfather was her first and only love.
My grandfather was a coin collecter and in a lodge... he was in the paper alot.
I remember going to a dinner and my grandfather was eye-ing the server, a pretty young thang.... And I seen that green eyed monster flair in my grandmothers eyes.
I asked her about it. She told me a little jealousy is good, but not like fatal attraction. When your with someone you should have their respect, who wouldn't feel insecure with a partner with roming eyes. Especially when he's the homes sole provider.
When a man loves and respects his partner, he would not go out of his way to hurt her emotionally, physically or any other way.
A wee bit of jealousy says, I still love you, and you are mine. People just don't seem to get this thats why we have such a HIGH D- for divorce rate, D-for dysfunctional relationship rates, D - Damn don't you love me?
I don't think anyone really knows what true love, commitment, and respect means any more. Besides talking with other women while you are with your partner, there should be no flirting, no making her feel jealous or insecure, no negative connotation appled to her/or him when you are the cause that rised their insecurity and jealousy. Your just making up excuses for your bad behavior and blaming your partner for her having bad emotions after you stired them.
Mindovermatter Think about it. Most of our emotions come after the fact of what we are living with and experiencing. Therefore, someone stirred them, they just don't come 'out of the blue,' like everyone seems to think.
Depression does hurt, and it does stem from something or someone hurting us!!!!!
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| 4/9/2009 3:44:53 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 62
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Oh God--another one who won't face the truth. The man is a general disrespectful, immature, uncaring, dishonest, hurtful person. You are putting a positive spin on this terrible behavior. Why let him piss on your corn flakes?? IT ISN"T ALRIGHT TO DO THIS CRAP--You know it and he should be told so he finally knows it. It is stupid juvenile behavior. AND IT WILL GET WORSE. He has the potential to--if he isn't already---to be a cheater. A lowlife cheater with no concerns for anyone but himself. Sure you are insecure--what do you think comes from a man doing these stupid things?? INSECURITY comes from a flirt's behavior.---YOU wonder why he is doing it??. Did you ever ask?? have you told him that it is annoying?? Jealousy--Insecurity?? No way--this guy is an assh---e and is mistreating you. SO TELL HIM TO STOP THE RUDE BEHAVIOR. It isn't a dilemma--just stand up tall and read him the riot act--and show his a** out the door. Good luck to you--you deserve so much better in your life!! Sorry--but I see this as a very serious problem for you!!
[Edited 4/9/2009 3:51:05 AM PST]
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| 4/9/2009 4:58:26 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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steelernation09
Pittsburgh, PA
age: 55
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Jealousy is a terrible thing and yes, it happens because of some personal insecurities. Fortunately, I've never been like that. I'm confident, but not to the point of being cocky. A woman I had been dating for some time was feeling insecure with her appearance because some medication she had been taking gave her a 20 pound weight gain. When she came off the medication, the weight was gone quickly, but her mindset was still the same - feeling overweight and unattractice. I came up with a solution. I told her to get dressed up and meet me for dinner at a local club. It's a club that not only serves great food, but on weekends is a pick-up joint frequented by an upscale crowd. My girlfriend agreed. I told her to meet me at 8pm. I deliberately didn't show up until 9, calling her to inform her I'd be late. I knew when I got there all the bloodsucking male wh*res would be all over her, as she is quite an attractive, personable woman. I arrived, and rather than look for her I took up a seat in a dark spot across the bar from her. As I expected, she had two handsome guys on each side of her buying her drinks and trying to get in her pants. I was comfortable with that. I knew she needed a boost of confidence and just sat there had my drink and smiled. She eventually turned around and saw me, came over and yelled as to why I didn't come over and "save" her from the two males sluts. I laughed and said "you needed to feel good about yourself and those two guys did something I could never do." She gave me a huge hug and we had a wonderful time. Guys, if you are jealous, deal with it. It will kill a relationship. Confidence with make it magical.
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| 4/9/2009 7:17:40 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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caribedahlia
Lompoc, CA
age: 36
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I would tell him that he is free to go back to spending his Friday nights in front of porn television and dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters! I would make sure people heard me say that and I would walk out. Girls always have money for a cab with ya in case a date goes ghetto like this!
It is a definite low class marker for a male or female to display those behaviors openly when on a date with someone.
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| 4/9/2009 7:59:48 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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sweet_in_ark
Fayetteville, AR
age: 40
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Well luckily for me (and him) it was never anything over the top. He is a very outgoing person and talks to everybody male and female. But he has made a couple of comments about women and how attractive they are. He has never been obnoxious about it.
I did talk to him about it. He wasn't even aware that I was considering it flirting. He was upset that he had hurt my feelings. Believe me, if it was done in a very disrespectful manner, he would have been kicked to the curb immediately. It didn't make me insecure as far as how I look at myself. I consider myself attractive. My insecurity was in what he was looking for in our relationship. I wondered if he was looking for something real or just wanted some "arm candy". I mean I'm attractive, but there is always going to be someone out there that will be younger or prettier. I want something real based on mutal attraction and love. Not just lust.
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| 4/9/2009 2:10:57 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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inchesfromluv
Henderson, NV
age: 31
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I do beleive it does my ex told me I was like that, but i was never even thinking other then getting to know who they were as human. for you to think that he is doing this for other reason maybe you should ask yourself why am i putting myself through this. do I realy know who he is or am i looking for something differant
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| 4/9/2009 2:12:36 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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definitely_ltr
Stia
Italy
age: 48 online now!
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YES!
In themselves and in the relationship.
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| 4/9/2009 2:13:33 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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beu24
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 50
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yes, I never understood why people are jealous.
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| 4/9/2009 5:55:22 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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milas83
Philadelphia, PA
age: 27
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IF the jealousy is excessive, then it's time to find a new person.
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| 4/9/2009 5:58:11 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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war_eagle64
Ogden, UT
age: 50
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Typically, Yes, not all cases. Reality is , for me when I was more self confident, I wasn't concerned with my mates friends, or " Looks".
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| 4/10/2009 2:30:30 AM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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mindovermatter6
Madison Heights, MI
age: 47
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Well luckily for me (and him) it was never anything over the top. He is a very outgoing person and talks to everybody male and female. But he has made a couple of comments about women and how attractive they are. He has never been obnoxious about it.
I did talk to him about it. He wasn't even aware that I was considering it flirting. He was upset that he had hurt my feelings. Believe me, if it was done in a very disrespectful manner, he would have been kicked to the curb immediately. It didn't make me insecure as far as how I look at myself. I consider myself attractive. My insecurity was in what he was looking for in our relationship. I wondered if he was looking for something real or just wanted some "arm candy". I mean I'm attractive, but there is always going to be someone out there that will be younger or prettier. I want something real based on mutal attraction and love. Not just lust.
Awe yes, eye candy yum!
My friend has a lot of his male friends coming around, and I guess I act like a B-t-h to them, because they don't talk to me, don't want my friend feeling insecure or jealous. My ex tells me, 'your eye candy to them." Yeah right! There are far more better looking women out there, yet I'm not that bad looking either, just a little over weight, have tension lines in my forehead, and my age is showing, I believe I'm average. I don't go out of my way to any different from whom or what I am, its just a matter of preference I guess. Yes you are right sweet_in_ark..., there will always be some people out there younger and prettier, handsome and more buffed. Me and my friend do make comments about other people we both comment on how good and bad a person looks, we even compliment others, and if we think someone looks locked down from the mange we make no comment just talk among ourself.
This is called {ATTRIBUTION} we all make them internally, externally, they are also global/specific, stable or unstable. Attribution simply refers to the process of assigning "causes" to things that happens to us. Ones attribution internal and external helps us to explain ours and other peoples behavior and makes it possible for us to "predict" what we or others are likely to do in the future.
Yet ones attributions may be mistaken even wrong but they are important in viewing our world, as well, they have a srong effect on our emotionl and well being. They can in fact make us view others as unchanging or unchangeable, leading US to become "inflexible" in our relationship. And because most of our attribution effect our emotions and wel being, they can lead to distortions in attention, memory and comprehension which leads to the development of disorders like anxiety, depression and personality disorder - jealousy and insecurity...
I hope you find that mutual attraction and love... that is what you desire, don't settle for anything less... you go girl..., and good luck!
Mindovermatter.
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| 4/10/2009 1:19:17 PM |
Does Jealousy = Insecurity? |
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phoenix52
Milwaukee, WI
age: 57
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In my opinion, Jealousy does signal a degree of insecurity. Of course, it depends on the response as well. If a couple can discuss it, and find a happy medium, then all is well. If one partner flirts excessively, and in doing so, totally ignores her partner, then it has become excessive, or the interest has waned. If others notice it as well, then the relationship is in trouble.
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