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Forums: Relationships: can it be and do you think just asking Page: 1, 2
5/14/2009 4:34:25 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

miss313
Columbus, OH
age: 53

 this is just a question i ponder, your veiws are appreciated a two part question ,,,,,
do we sometime just married the wrong person ? and should we partley take the blame for doing so, part two ,,, should we maybe just live togather for a while before we make that relationship into a commitment one , in wicca many of us will handfast for an year and a day ,,, and after that we find the relationship ia not working we can part without any bad feelings , i am not married or handfasted to anyone so i dont know if that even works , thank you for your in put ,
5/14/2009 4:52:56 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

awakeing
Over 1,000 Posts (1,704)
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36

 Before I answer can you give me details what "handfasting" means?
What's the process about and why is just a year and a day the
term limit?
5/14/2009 5:11:45 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

lilmissala1957
Over 2,000 Posts (3,232)
Hartselle, AL
age: 51

 In my case yes I did discover the problem laid within myself. I have made serious changes the last few years. And I am a better person for it. So when someone says they have had several relationships my question is have you figured out the problem yet???
5/14/2009 5:19:46 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

miss313
Columbus, OH
age: 53

 for those who dose not know what a handfasting is , it is a cemermony that two people do to express their love and their desire to see if the relationship will work before they get into a marriage that may not, in many cases two people will know within a year wheather or not they had found the right person to have a commit relationship with, the year an a day in wicca i guess you could say ( they just want to make sure ,lol) so they give you an extar day, this is the short definition
5/14/2009 5:23:46 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

goodgato
Over 2,000 Posts (3,394)
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 44 online now!

 "...do we sometime just married the wrong person ?"

"Handfasted"?!?!? ***looking for Amish buggies***



[Edited 5/14/2009 5:24:03 AM PST]
5/14/2009 5:24:21 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

darlinshel
Over 2,000 Posts (3,287)
Clayton, NC
age: 41

 I do think people just marry the wrong person sometimes and it's not always that there is something so wrong with either person to cause a divorce.

Hmm so handfasting is kind of like a trial marriage...interesting. That probably is a good idea for some people.
5/14/2009 5:40:49 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

jayson07345
Reseda, CA
age: 49

 we do marry the wrong person sometimes....however, as they say, everything happens for
a reason.....so in our mistakes there are things about ourselves to be learned...
and usually there was some good that came out of the relationship too.

living together doesn't necessarily prevent a bad relationship....sometimes the relationship changes after the wedding bells ring & we see a truer picture of our partner



[Edited 5/14/2009 5:42:50 AM PST]
5/14/2009 7:03:37 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

barbaraajo
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,503)
Reston, VA
age: 52

 Yes, sometimes we marry the wrong person. I know I did!!!
5/14/2009 7:57:07 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

mahoganyrush
Etobicoke, ON
age: 44

 Ummm, I read a few studies about co habituating before marriage, and a high number of people of co habituate then ties the knot,there is a high number of failures in the marriage.

I remember reading something that went something in the lines of, while living together its like a test run but you always had the safety net of walking away, but when youre married, its not as easy to walk away from.

but it bowls down to some just married for the wrong reason, Marrying for Love only is a recipe for disaster, people grow and mature differently and time exposes things.
5/14/2009 8:28:17 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

doctord777
Independence, OR
age: 64

 Being brought up in a christain home, our teachings were we should not even have sex till we marry. needless to say, I didn't believe in it then and don't now. I belive it is better to live with a person for a term before you marry. If pregnancy and a child gets in the picture, we give up our lives for that child. One should know they want to live a life with a single person before a child comes into the picture. There are obvious reasons you cannot stay with a person that cheats or abuses you.
5/14/2009 10:23:54 AM can it be and do you think just asking  
lotstdo
Henderson, NV
age: 47

 I had some wicca furniture once years ago

I hand tossed it into the dumpster
5/14/2009 11:12:00 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

sweet_li
Orlando, FL
age: 44 online now!

 i'm forty-four years old and have never heard of the word 'handfasting' before! wow, ya learn somethin' new everyday hehe

i think 'handfasting' is a good idea for some folks, but it doesn't align with my way of thinking or my beliefs about relationships and marriage. i tried this before and i thought i really knew him and thought our marriage would last forever. WRONG!! me and my soon-to-be-ex husband lived together for almost a year before we were married and it didn't make any difference because he hid his true self from me for that amount of time. once we were married, then the real him came out - but by then, i couldn't just walk away because we were married and had a baby on the way! not saying that this can't work for some couples, because i'm sure it has.

the idea behind 'handfasting' is a good one; like another poster said, "a trial marriage". but since i'm a Christian, i won't have anything to do with something that is connected to or involves wicca. i think if a couple is going to do this, they had better not have high expectations on how their relationship/marriage will play out after the trial period has passed. imho, i still think that people should live in separate homes until they get married. after living together for a year (or sometimes longer), some people change their minds about getting married and try to convince their significant other to live out of wedlock because they want to have the option of getting out of the relationship if they ever feel they no longer want to be in it.
5/14/2009 11:16:54 AM can it be and do you think just asking  

122750again
Over 2,000 Posts (2,048)
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 58

 1st question, YES sometimes we do marry the wrong person Handfasted, I lived with my ex husband for 5 years before I married him More like Headfasted for me
5/14/2009 12:51:21 PM can it be and do you think just asking  

awakeing
Over 1,000 Posts (1,704)
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
Quote from mahoganyrush:
Ummm, I read a few studies about co habituating before marriage, and a high number of people of co habituate then ties the knot,there is a high number of failures in the marriage.

I remember reading something that went something in the lines of, while living together its like a test run but you always had the safety net of walking away, but when youre married, its not as easy to walk away from.

but it bowls down to some just married for the wrong reason, Marrying for Love only is a recipe for disaster, people grow and mature differently and time exposes things.


I am strangely curious now.....

in your opinion what is the right reason for getting married?

I'm reserving my opinion for the moment because I truly want to know your
view without the possibility of my influence.
5/14/2009 1:09:29 PM can it be and do you think just asking  

mahoganyrush
Etobicoke, ON
age: 44

 Me , ive never walked down the aisle, but I know 7 people who have been married and still in love and you can feel the passion and love they have for each other.

Ive asked them, and theyve said, you marry for love, compatibility, the ability to grow together, they know people change, they say things like" we are not the same as were 6 months ago, 2 years , 5 years and so on." they dont have any unrealistic expectation, communication is Paramount,they are basically on the same page singing from the same hymn book.

Most couples who break up if you ask them, one of them generally says, " I wish things were the same as they were in the beginning" most of the people are afraid of changes.

Couples who still have that passion, knows people change and you change with the time, you basically grow together and adapt, couples that dont eventually became parallel lines going separate ways

Forums: Relationships: can it be and do you think just asking Page: 1, 2