5/21/2009 9:45:46 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 47
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....what were you thinking?
This topic came to mind while watching a show last night...called, Unmarried Gary I think (I seldom watch television). And the topic of sleeping with the ex came up, something that I found to be interesting.
It appears that after the split up of a long term relationship with a significant other, it is not uncommon to jump back into the sack. The reason being...the comfort level. We know what to expect, its a familiar experience and under the right conditions for those of us who still have a relatively friendly relation with our former halves; it is not uncommon to have that desire.
So then I got to thinking about my own experiences. After about 6mo of separation (it has now been over 6yrs), living apart from one another I called in desperation to my ex for some comfort from the one who knew me best. I was invited to join him on an over night work venture (so we could have time to talk)....something that we had done many times in the past as partners. I did and when it was time to shut down for the night and sleep in the little cabin of his semi truck under the moon lit sky in the middle of nowhere Arizona.....the passion began to rise. Holding, kissing, touching one another until I said no! My words were; "if I thought for a moment that doing this would bring us back together as a whole...I would jump your bones right now." "But I know in my heart that it won't happen, so please lets just try to sleep". And he did so respectful, for he recalls the many years prior when the "black mark" had been struck.
When the ex and I first met and got together....after which the "I love you" came from him, we were still living a 1000mils apart. And as it turns out his ex-wife of 4yrs came sneeking in his room one night and ended up that they did the duty. One in which she was very proud to inform me of the very day I moved here to live with him.
Soooo........my point being. It is possible that sleeping with the ex is a common behavior for us humans.
But my curiosity is in what your experiences might have been and how did you handle it? Did you take advantage of the situation and get your rocks off, thinking there is nothing wrong with it or did you have some self control and say........"it ain't gonna work, so why go there?" I am fairly sure that men and women view this situation differently.
Come on ya'all........spill!!
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5/21/2009 10:10:47 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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msbevzie
Oregon, OH
age: 45 online now!
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I don't see anything wrong with it...although I have NEVER done that...YET anyways
I do believe people do it, and really won't admit to it neither...
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5/21/2009 10:12:11 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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lotstdo
Henderson, NV
age: 47
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you have an unusual concept of comfort,
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5/21/2009 10:22:29 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 47
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bev....maybe that's the problem. Denial or an inability to see things as they really are....to question our own behaviors. Which will only leave us exactly in the same place as we were once before...in the wrong relationship!
to lots...despite what you might think, I actually respect your opinions and your a bit fun to play with too. So as far as comfort goes...apparently its not just mine. And its not just about comfort either, but maybe more about familiarity. Think about it....we sit here single. People voicing the fact of wanting "a little something something"...are you going to tell me that going for a little something from someone you know very well does not happen? I think it does. JMHO
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5/21/2009 10:34:47 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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msbevzie
Oregon, OH
age: 45 online now!
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Sage...I don't think I KNOW for a fact that it does happen...
It's a matter of people not comfy sharing it because of the stigma..."OH what will people think of me."
Society says...YOU don't do such a thing...
I have thought about it to a degree, but then again I have NEVER done it and as I said before YET, because I really don't know...maybe I will someday...maybe I won't
What if I NEVER find the next "ONE" what IF my exes are still single, and they NEVER find the next ONE which they both stated they aren't interested in another female in their lives they both had others after I and they said they are DONE...HMMMMM what if that desire creeps in...
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5/21/2009 10:39:54 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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snowbird02s
Salt Lake City, UT
age: 44
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Yes, It is common. I used to do (it) with my first BF, for the same reasons you mentioned
comfort/ past romantic memories of what Once was.. But, After I did go through with IT, it left me feeling empty, lonley, sad. ( I was 19 yrs. old )
My second Bf. I almost meet up with (last year) when I went to Spain, I know he wanted to be intimate with me but, I had to be strong and not make that mistake. That one I will always Love but, It is not ment to be. ( long story )
My last LTR ending very badly so, I have NO disire to ever
have any type of contact at all.
[Edited 5/21/2009 10:45:21 AM PST]
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5/21/2009 10:43:25 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 36
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It happens. If you've been with someone many many years it's bound to happen
at least once. I wonder if it's not part of the healing process a step in letting
go. A way to say good bye not in anger but in a sort of painful comfort?
The first 3 months after the end of a 15 yr relationship I struggled between
is it letting go or is it a chance to keep the family together.
Finally I knew, it was the way I needed to feel full closure.
A year and half later I can say I know I wouldn't ever do it again.
I'm truly done. No sense is wasting my time. I don't want to miss out
having a chance at real love with a real man wasting my wonderful energy
on an EX.
People do need to say good bye in their own way. It's always a risk.
Sometimes it's easy to walk away, sometimes it's the only way to
to feel what you need to be able to let go.
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5/21/2009 10:44:59 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 47
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oops....is there a stigma associated. umm, I suppose so. I did not really think about that, so thanks for bringing it up. I guess I do not think about stigma's as I do to the cause of such. I find human behavior fascinating just as for good or bad, life experiences.
exactly, awakeing......for me it was about the 6mo mark. And I see now that you mention it, as a part of a closure. Now on him and his ex-wifes part.....4yrs later? Naaa, something more was going on there I think.
[Edited 5/21/2009 10:47:59 AM PST]
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5/21/2009 10:45:51 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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kwietkptkatie
Las Vegas, NV
age: 40
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Why certainly!!! But only if he's up to date with the alimony!!!
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5/21/2009 10:51:36 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 47
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oops sorry snow...did not see you show up. Some how I knew that you would understand. I am amazed at how similar we think sometimes.
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5/21/2009 10:58:07 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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barbaraajo
Reston, VA
age: 52
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5/21/2009 11:07:38 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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snowbird02s
Salt Lake City, UT
age: 44
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5/21/2009 11:30:25 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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looking4_prince
Twin Falls, ID
age: 56 online now!
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once the fire is gone...so is the ability to have fire in the bedroom too...but hugs are nice...
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5/21/2009 11:34:39 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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darlinshel
Clayton, NC
age: 41
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I never have done the whole breakup sex thing.
I see nothing wrong with people doing this as long as they haven't moved on to a new relationship - then it's just cheating.
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5/21/2009 11:39:26 AM |
In Sleeping With the EX... |
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sage_way
Cottonwood, AZ
age: 47
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..looking4.
snow...I have seen you mention your special Spaniard {oops, russel crow just popped into my head...go away russel } a few times now.
I must be a hopeless romantic because I hate to see a special love 'fallin'(no pun intended ). And its sad to me, whether is be of my own or someone else's. So best wishes to ya!
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