| 7/10/2009 8:22:34 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
honey_cone
Brooklyn, MD
age: 24
|
I've been married for 4yrs but its not the same anymore, my husband says that everything is "Perfect" but how things can be "Perfect" if i dont feel atracted to him, when i dont want to have sex with him anymore, im embarased of going out with him...
What worries me is that we have 2 kidz, a 3 yr old girl and a 1 yr old... should i stay with him for the kidz sake or should i tell him its over and find someone else? 
|
| 7/10/2009 8:26:13 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
anywhereapril
Avondale, PA
age: 19
|
I think the first thing you should do is go to marriage counciling. They could help with sorting out why you feel this way. If you still don't love him and don't want to work on it, then I suggest splitting early. I lived with parents that thought it was better to stay together with us kids and the fighting was unbearable, just the tension in the air all the time was enough for me and my brother to wish that they did split...
Good luck though, I hope all will go well!
|
| 7/10/2009 8:29:37 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
edgeofsandias
Placitas, NM
age: 41
|
Just walking through....
Not sure I'd be seeking advice on something this important from a bunch of strangers on the internet.
|
| 7/10/2009 8:32:35 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
yourfriendbob
Fayette, OH
age: 54
|
Just walking through....
Not sure I'd be seeking advice on something this important from a bunch of strangers on the internet.
Ya THINK!!!...
|
| 7/10/2009 8:35:08 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
claudius5
Petaluma, CA
age: 59
|
I think the first thing you should do is go to marriage counciling. They could help with sorting out why you feel this way. If you still don't love him and don't want to work on it, then I suggest splitting early. I lived with parents that thought it was better to stay together with us kids and the fighting was unbearable, just the tension in the air all the time was enough for me and my brother to wish that they did split...
Good luck though, I hope all will go well!
I so agree. Staying together just for the kids does a disservice to them. Looking for someone else should not even be in the equation at the moment. There are issues you need to resolve before even thinking about going into another relationship. First things, first. That being said, I want to wish you all the best.
|
| 7/10/2009 8:36:30 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
beachingirl
Stone Harbor, NJ
age: 51
|
Just walking through....
Not sure I'd be seeking advice on something this important from a bunch of strangers on the internet.
People so amaze me.......
|
| 7/10/2009 8:44:16 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
brockr23
Chandler, AZ
age: 33
|
Just walking through....
Not sure I'd be seeking advice on something this important from a bunch of strangers on the internet.
I agree with Edge. However, since the question is posed I'll offer an opinion.
If you are not attracted to your husband, are embarrassed to go out with him etc. There is a serious problem with the relationship for you.
Your question is, should you stay for the kids' sake?
Sounds to me like you have made up you mind that you no longer want to be with him. Let me tell you then, leave.
You and him staying together for the kids' sake is another way of saying "I am not sure we can make it if we part ways". I assure you, you can.
Kids are not blind to the tension in the house, and I KNOW there is tension in this situation. The little ones are feeling it, staying together makes it worse. What happens over time?
The kids believe that this is how marriage and relationships are supposed to be. You and your husband are their example. At least give them a chance to see something healthy.
[Edited 7/10/2009 8:47:11 AM PST]
|
| 7/10/2009 8:45:42 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
goddess56
Tulsa, OK
age: 59
|
Excuse me...
You're married, you have children, your marriage (you feel) is going south, but your husband is still happy to be with you...you just don't feel attracted, etc.
I would definitely also tell you to get some counseling, but in addition, I would tell you AS A WOMAN to get back to your doctor and have your hormone levels checked.
Now, before a bunch of women jump on my back and beat me to death over this statement, I'm not necessarily talking about sex hormones, but also your thyroid. Get a good blood workup and before you jump onto the divorce wagon, make sure there aren't underlying causes.
The reason I suggest this is that you have had two children in a short period of time, and not that long ago, and sometimes our bodies need some time to adjust. Without some medical intervention at times, it is prolonged adjustment.
And men...this is not an excuse for you to jump on the bandwagon either... This is just advice from a woman who has been there, done that.
And for heaven's sake...get off the dating sites. You don't belong here.
|
| 7/10/2009 8:46:58 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
mzdeberella3
Clearfield, UT
age: 28
|
You know love is a choice.... look for the good qualities in him. If you find someone else you will eventually find things wrong with him as well. This may just be temporary so give it time.
Im divorced for 2.5 yrs and have 3 children 7, 5 and 3. I can not begin to tell you how hard divorce is on children...remember its not just your life your messing with but three others....make sure you are 100% before you do anything.
|
| 7/10/2009 8:48:59 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
brockr23
Chandler, AZ
age: 33
|
And I can't express to you how much worse NOT divorcing and forcing children to live in a tension filled house where Mom and Dad obviously are not happy is.
This staying together "for the kids" business is just silly.
|
| 7/10/2009 8:53:53 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
anywhereapril
Avondale, PA
age: 19
|
The last post reminded me of something...
Hormone levels dropping and such.
Could you maybe have postpartum depression?
You said one of you're children is a year old.
Just wondering, hope you don't take offense or anything!!
I just copy and pasted this from a website:
Major Postpartum Depression
Some mothers experience a growing sense of depression that lasts for longer than the 2 week adjustment of baby blues. Some of these symptoms include:
depression for most of the day
lack of interest in dauly activities
weight loss or weight gain
difficulty sleeping
fatigue
feelings of worthlessness
Feeling as if you are not a good mother
|
| 7/10/2009 8:55:55 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
mzdeberella3
Clearfield, UT
age: 28
|
Its just temporary....think long term lady!!!!! long term!!!!!! Seems the problem is with you right now. Not him...
Choose your love...love your choice.
You can choose to be a peacemaker.!!!!!!
But only after your effort and you know 110% do not divorce quite yet
Woman...i was married for 8 years and there are always ups and downs...you cannot expect things to be perfect all the time... hang in there!!!!!!
[Edited 7/10/2009 8:59:57 AM PST]
|
| 7/10/2009 9:04:46 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
snowbird02s
Deerfield Beach, FL
age: 44
|
And I can't express to you how much worse NOT divorcing and forcing children to live in a tension filled house where Mom and Dad obviously are not happy is.
This staying together "for the kids" business is just silly.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Very True.
I Know that for a FACT. 
|
| 7/10/2009 9:05:39 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
beachingirl
Stone Harbor, NJ
age: 51
|
In case you don't know, it's not going to be a piece of cake "finding someone else" when you have two preschoolers - a lot of guys your age aren't into that kind of "baggage."
|
| 7/10/2009 9:09:48 AM |
Marriage is not what it used to be... |
|
hitman_13
Paris, TN
age: 41
|
I think the first thing you should do is go to marriage counciling. They could help with sorting out why you feel this way. If you still don't love him and don't want to work on it, then I suggest splitting early. I lived with parents that thought it was better to stay together with us kids and the fighting was unbearable, just the tension in the air all the time was enough for me and my brother to wish that they did split...
Good luck though, I hope all will go well!
The most wisdom I've seen displayed by someone this young on here before.
|