| 8/7/2009 5:38:23 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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explizitcontent
Brockton, MA
age: 24 online now!
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Hey everyone, I'm sure topics like this come up all the time so I'm sorry but I need advice on my own specific situation.
I've been talking to someone for approximately 6 months. Recently we've been seeing each other considerably more frequently and I really started to fall for him. He's been somewhat ambiguous about his feelings. One minute I feel he's really into me and the next I'm somewhat iffy about the situation. It seemed like we were just in a friends with benefits situation but then he'd say certain things that would make me think he wanted more.
I finally just decided to let him know that I had feelings for him. When I told him, he said that he has feelings for me as well, but then when I asked him where we stand relationship-wise, he said that he doesn't really know but he's happy with what we have right now. So then I asked him if he ever sees it progressing into something serious and he said maybe but he doesn't want to be in a relationship for a long time since the last relationship he was in ended so badly.
I really, really like him so I wouldn't mind waiting a while IF the possibility is there of it turning into a real relationship. However, I don't want to waste my time and risk getting seriously hurt if he really doesn't have any intention of ever getting with me.
What I was wondering is this -- how likely does it sound that it ever will progress into something more? Do you think that he really isn't looking for a relationship right now or is it that he's just not looking for a relationship with me? And what should I do in this situation -- wait for a while and see what happens or move on?
All advice is appreciated...
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| 8/7/2009 5:53:39 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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looking4_prince
Twin Falls, ID
age: 57
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He's happy with what you have right now....move on unless what you have right now is enough...
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| 8/7/2009 6:05:28 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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leftfooted
West Covina, CA
age: 51
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Its never good to be in love with someone that has to think whether they are going to fall in love with you.
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| 8/7/2009 6:06:38 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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chicaboom59
North Bergen, NJ
age: 60
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He has his cake and eating too so why should he bother. If you are willing to be in a friends with benefit situation that is all he will ever expect. He sounds like he just wants to play. I say move on, I seriously doubt it will ever be anything more. JMO
[Edited 8/7/2009 6:07:21 PM PST]
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| 8/7/2009 6:07:43 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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bbw47reader
Frederick, MD
age: 47 online now!
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Do what you feel like doing right now. Trying to anticipate the future in order to not make a mistake/not waste time/not get hurt is futile. You have to risk all of those things anyway. In fact, it's not only futile, but it is also clouding your judgement and driving your behavior right now. Do pay attention to any 'bad relationship ahead' warning signs you see, but, otherwise, find a way to just be in the here and now with the whole thing. The answer will become clear.
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| 8/7/2009 6:17:44 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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rabbitbrown
Oviedo, FL
age: 38
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Here's something to ponder:
1. He doesn't want to be in a relationship.
2. Was the last relationship just ending when you two met? If so, hmmm...
3. He's happy with FWB... Are you? Seriously?
I'm a hopeless believer in love conquering all, but I've been down this road before and my story ended with the man I liked presenting a ring to me that he bought for another girl (And he asked me if I thought she'd like it)!
However, is it possible he'll decide some time from now to allow his feeling for you to grow. Yes. But in reality, you have no control over this. It is a risk. You might get hurt. If you really love him, give him time. How much time you give will be up to your heart. When you begin to feel angry, you waited too long, and it will not be his fault.
Just keep your eyes open, be honest with yourself, know your worth, and act according to your best interests.
Good luck.
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| 8/7/2009 6:24:49 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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patterson92
North Lawrence, OH
age: 20
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first of all, if he said that he was happy where you are now, he probably is being honest with you, and is just still stirred over the last broken relationship. it sounds like he isn't ready for a serious relationship yet. I think you should give him more time, so that when he decides that he is ready, you will be there for him. 
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| 8/7/2009 6:46:08 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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ky1979
Newmarket, NH
age: 31
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From a guys prospective, if he is not willing commit at least a little then he is just not that into you.
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| 8/7/2009 6:50:13 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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2sweetbitter
Orange, CA
age: 40
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you will be fine learning iz learning 
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| 8/7/2009 8:22:22 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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lowlife401
Woonsocket, RI
age: 29
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this may seem unorthodox but, guaranteed results sleep with one of his friends, and see if knocks him out! then there is no doubt what he wants. i should should be a shrink
dave 
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| 8/7/2009 8:59:40 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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spider77
Adamsville, AL
age: 58
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Put a time limit on it, in your mind. When the time is up, tell him its put up or shut up.
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| 8/7/2009 10:15:11 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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prettyhate
Spring, TX
age: 45
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WHOA little one...NO! it wont progress..he doesnt want it to..he told you that straight up...hes tellin you who he is so LISTEN and avoid gettin hurt!
Im older than you and recently had the same thing..I really liked this man (37 yrs old) and of course when i said "I dont want to be a fwb situation" he said the same crap "Oh no, im really into you I just dont want to rush into a relationship" I decided we could be freinds without benefits if he liked..um, he didnt and I never saw him again.
Here is a fact "YOU CANT KEEP A MAN AWAY FROM A WOMEN HE LOVES"
your just making it easy for him and THATs what he doesnt want to lose and meanwhile youre wasting time better spent lookin for the man who is worthy of you-and moves heaven and earth just to be with you
good luck TEE
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| 8/7/2009 10:18:15 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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prettyhate
Spring, TX
age: 45
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We women over think everything when men show us all thier cards and we still go maybe theres another one up thier sleeve..I dont like these cards lol anytime you have to really try to figure out where you stand with a man..the answer is "if you have to ask" he doesnt love u
[Edited 8/7/2009 10:21:14 PM PST]
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| 8/7/2009 10:19:13 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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tater79
Springfield, IL
age: 31 online now!
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| 8/7/2009 10:22:43 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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viand
Bullhead City, AZ
age: 47 online now!
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this may seem unorthodox but, guaranteed results sleep with one of his friends, and see if knocks him out! then there is no doubt what he wants. i should should be a shrink
dave
That wins the award for the worst advice I've read on this site so far. I think the record will stand for a while. Either that or lowlife is one of his friends...
Viand
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| 8/7/2009 10:56:38 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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33mopower
Athol, ID
age: 31
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Hate to say it but if he is not into you as much as you are into him then it's time to move on. If he doesn't want to be with you with all his heart then it's time for you to find someone who does. Maybe he is waiting to reconcile with an ex or waiting for someone better to come along. Either way it's time to move on.
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| 8/7/2009 11:09:11 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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destiny007
Dahlonega, GA
age: 59
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From what you have posted...he has been honest with you. Now, time for you to be honest with yourself.
He is happy with things the way they are. He appears to have no interest in taking the existing relationship to the next level.
Are you willing to accept the obvious FWB relationship until it runs it's course. And, it will.
You should not project a relationship that isn't there...you will only get hurt. JMHO.
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| 8/7/2009 11:55:21 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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seawill
Asheville, NC
age: 37
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Do what you feel like doing right now. Trying to anticipate the future in order to not make a mistake/not waste time/not get hurt is futile. You have to risk all of those things anyway. In fact, it's not only futile, but it is also clouding your judgement and driving your behavior right now. Do pay attention to any 'bad relationship ahead' warning signs you see, but, otherwise, find a way to just be in the here and now with the whole thing. The answer will become clear.
i feel like this is good advice- i get so sick of everyone just saying move on if its not perfect. the truth is we dont really know all the details. u dont succeed without risks, however that doenst mean- be stupid. dont assume and trust your feelings
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| 8/8/2009 2:41:30 AM |
I need relationship advice... |
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itsclear
Fort Mohave, AZ
age: 47
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all these bitter women always say the same thing dump the guy and be alone
your so much better off living with your hatred of men
Look you have at least one child from your past
he knows that at least for you, commitment means very little
So he is just being honest and wise at this point
its been such a short time and for you to start trying to define a relationship
just shows how really insecure you are
Whats the rush? you want more babies?
If he is good to you,treats you right and does not rush things
that makes him what every women says she wants
let me give you the best advice you ever got
NEVER take advice from a women unless you call her mom
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| 8/8/2009 2:43:52 AM |
I need relationship advice... |
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iamincs
Colorado Springs, CO
age: 35
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It depends on how you feel about him. He might just be afraid of a serious relationship since his last relationship ended badly, and he just wants this one to progress slowly. He could just be happy with the way it is now and not want it to progress at all. So, if you truly like him and want to be with him than stay with him longer and see if the relationship progresses; if in your heart, you feel that he's not worth the effort and the risk, then just move on.
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| 8/8/2009 4:18:29 AM |
I need relationship advice... |
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th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 62
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Any relationship will grow--if BOTH people work at it--I mean its a two way street--it takes both of you to get this thing going and make it stronger. EVERYDAY you make it stronger--like a cable--one strand at a time--until it cannot be broken. I admire your attempt to communicate about it. HE gave you a typical M A L E answer. Men and women are 2 different creatures--he will see this entire issue differently than you. You want warm emotional solid love--he wants the closeness and sex ---but like any other man--he wants food, cars, hunting, fishing, a career, sleep, beer, tits, his friends, football, baseball-etc etc etc. YOU BOTH ARE YOUNG--enjoy your young life--being tied down at your age hardly works. Its generally a mistake because of the differences in men and women--and neither of you have decided how deep you want to get involved--you do want a serious relationship----he really doesn't!! Its SO obvious. So slow down and relax--have fun and make the most of your days---stop forcing this issue. There is NO finishing line. Keep in mind this phrase--DO NOT COMPLICATE YOUR LIFE.
[Edited 8/8/2009 4:20:31 AM PST]
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| 8/8/2009 4:27:01 AM |
I need relationship advice... |
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darton
Greensburg, PA
age: 54
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Why buy the cow if the milk is free? Honey, you need to cut him off until he makes a decision.
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| 8/8/2009 4:49:09 AM |
I need relationship advice... |
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 49 online now!
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You are so very young, and I am assuming he is too. Are you happy with the way things are right now? At 23 you don't need to be in a rush or worry about "wasting time" dating. Just enjoy yourself get to know him and in the process you will learn more about yourself. Don't push him for some kind of commitment when the two of you don't really know each other. Take it day by day and stop thinking so much!
Come back in six months and we will reevaluate the situation.
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| 8/8/2009 12:28:07 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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lowlife401
Woonsocket, RI
age: 29
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first of all, i wish to thank the academy for this award, it is an honor bestowed on very few people. i'm so nervous, i would like to saythanks to my mom, dad, my probation officer all of whom made this dream a reality, and all the datehookup people who believed in me.
thank you and goodnight
all my hopes and dreams
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| 8/8/2009 3:39:29 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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charlot
Tyrone, PA
age: 53
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Put a time limit on it, in your mind. When the time is up, tell him its put up or shut up.
I think it's a tie in the "BAD ADVICE" category,
Never offer an ultimatum unless you want the alternate selection. jmho
Go with the flow and enjoy the ride, what's your hurry?
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| 8/8/2009 4:40:42 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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wsprs0nthewind
Powell, TN
age: 45
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OP I would say this exact stuff to him. You put it perfectly when you said you would wait if there's a chance but don't want to waste your time only to wind up getting hurt. Consider your feelings in this too and what you will need/want from this.
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| 8/9/2009 5:20:32 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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dragas
Milwaukee, WI
age: 45
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Cut him off from sex for awhile, at least two months. See how he reacts to that. Drew.
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| 8/9/2009 6:40:39 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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happy_lovenlife
Lebanon, MO
age: 46
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I think it would be a waste of time and of your emotions to stay in this relationship. Six months?!!!  Surely he is over his past girlfriend,,by now. Sounds like the iffy part is because he wants you but also wants to keep the bait in the water for more bites. Stop giving him the benefits(sex) and then a time limit after that (say, around a month and half). If he really loves you, he will come around. If he doesn't love you,,,he'll won't stay. Don't be his door mat. "Experience speaking" There is better out there. Get what you deserve. 
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| 8/9/2009 7:12:28 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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itsmenicolex
Tulsa, OK
age: 19
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Be careful. I was with someone who was the same way as your guy is.... we were so closely connected, almost moved in together, and we told everyone that we were eachothers bf and gf, but he never officially asked me out but it was clear we really cared about each other. eventually as it got even more serious, i almost moved in with him and then changed my mind and all from there, he (i guess) felt betrayed by me and it all went downhill from there. till this day he says he used me and it was all bullshit to him even though we shared so many perfect moments together. i'm left here hurting like hell and it doesn't matter to him because he didn't let his heart into this.
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| 8/25/2009 10:03:50 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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beto30
La Porte, TX
age: 21
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Stop having sex with him and see what happens. If things start to go down hill, he's just been toying with you.
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| 8/25/2009 10:10:23 PM |
I need relationship advice... |
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roostergal
Livermore, CA
age: 49
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We women over think everything when men show us all thier cards and we still go maybe theres another one up thier sleeve..I dont like these cards lol anytime you have to really try to figure out where you stand with a man..the answer is "if you have to ask" he doesnt love u
True Word!
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