| 12/26/2007 1:39:29 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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whotea
Evansville, IN
age: 42
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Why do I (and I'm guessing most others) almost always find myself looking for someone else when I have found a perfectly acceptable girlfriend? Have I or have we been deluding myself/ourselves into believing that all I/we really want is a person who is close enough to acceptable on all levels? It sure would make my life nicer and easier to simply stay with someone who is good for me. I'll probably be pretty cold at night in another 10 years. What do any of you think about it? Should decisions about long-term relationships be based purely on practical considerations? Can we learn to deeply and passionately love someone over time who happens to simply be a good person that we really like?
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| 12/26/2007 1:47:37 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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bullcatbait
South Salem, OH
age: 32
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well thats usualy how it starts out and you grow into the relationship but it has to be something your commited to all men still look and most women do to but its all about commiting yourself to being with only that person but yet sometimes you run into that one person who just knocks you off your feet and its love at first sight for you both but that only comes along once or twice if your lucky but thats just my opinion
[Edited 12/26/2007 1:48:22 AM]
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| 12/26/2007 1:53:53 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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whotea
Evansville, IN
age: 42
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Bull I've been lucky and had my sox knocked off a few times in my life, but somehow we always seemed to evetually pass each other by. Maybe it would be good to spend some time at a destination instead of on a journey?
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| 12/26/2007 1:59:28 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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bullcatbait
South Salem, OH
age: 32
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see there you already know what you want and you already have a good start on it sounds like to me now its just time to build what you want instead of hopeing to find it good luck you wouldnt ask if part of you didnt allready know
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| 12/26/2007 3:31:56 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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crazycajun74
Dallas, TX
age: 33
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I think timing is critical... you have to both be in the same place in life so to speak and want the same things out of a relationship at that current moment in time. I think this is the hardest commonality to find sometimes if you are looking for something long term. I think it is important to be friends first and then let it grow.
I was married at 19 and was married for 13 years. I never strayed while I was married. I never looked for the next best thing or I would have been divorced after only a year. I am a very loyal person and will be with next my partner until the relationship becomes too painful to stay. Hopefully it never happens but you never know what tomorrow will bring.
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| 12/26/2007 5:52:42 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34
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In my earlier days, I would consider checking out the greener pastures when things were not going so well etc... But usually the grass isn't really green, it's just being greedy.
Now, if I know I have a good thing physical and mental, we would work out any problems.
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| 12/26/2007 7:29:45 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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countrydancer32
Chicago, IL
age: 31
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No, I do not think long-term relationships should be based on purely practical considerations. If that is what you are thinking get a roomate, but DON'T MARRY HER!
I sounded just like you 11 years ago. (the female equivalent)
I was with a "nice guy" that was shorter than I normally dated. The chemistry wasn't there but I hoped it would deepen with time because he seemed he would be 'good for me'. Next thing I knew we were married. Sure it lasted 10 years, but I would have had a better decade being single and just being me.
Hold out for the passion. It is worth it!!!
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| 12/26/2007 7:35:03 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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professer2
Saint Petersburg, FL
age: 52
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At a Destination,
instead of the Journey.
Thats good, I gotta reflect on that one.
I have been on the Journey for over twenty years,never stopping to see where I was, always concerned on where I was going.
Believe me, I am tired.
I think the next move is just to stop,
set up my teepee of Love
and make it happen,
for better or for worse.
I been holdin out for the passion,
maybe it is time to be practical.
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| 12/28/2007 4:27:05 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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weaimtoplease
Donalsonville, GA
age: 58
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Country Dancer - I married for passion and a great sex life. Unfortunately, those are not reasons to marry either. 
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| 12/29/2007 5:01:05 AM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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irparis39
New York, NY
age: 48
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I think it all has to do with attitude. If you're constantly looking over your shoulder for the upgrade, then you're not going to put in as much effort into working the relationship as you should. And that is selfish, selfishness in holding the very best part of you to your partner is despicable in a relationship.
Once you are in a relationship, you are in essence the steward over that relationship. What does that mean? It means that you SO is counting on you to be morally responsible to nurture, comfort, cultivate and commit to working on those establish rules, agendas and emotions you both agreed that were essential for that relationship to prosper. You are both responsible for each other's principle resources, our hearts and our souls.
When you waste your time in thinking the grass could be greener, your attitude fails you by announcing to your SO and the world that this person is unworthy of your commitment and your stewardship but it also lies to you by telling you that you are unworthy to have that stewardship. And I think this is why after a divorce people need to regroup as they are devastated emotionally/physically/spiritually because their foundation is now like that lava in Hawaii, flowing into the sea.
The grass is only greener where you water it. If you don't, well you can't then complain that its turn brown. But water isn't enough, if you don't fertilize it to keep the weeds away, then you can't be too surprise when it chokes the life out of your good grass. The thing is, you also don't want to end up with no grass on certain patches of your lawn because you choose not to do anything for years and years and now you're 60/70 years old and now you're too old till the grass back to health, you've kill even the earth underneath it, nothing grows anymore. Although I have heard of great relationships turning up in Florida nursing homes, do you really want to wait until then to learn your lesson.
Paris
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| 12/29/2007 3:04:52 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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countrydancer32
Chicago, IL
age: 31
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Weaim, sorry to hear that.
I guess it best be the whole package or nothing at all,
but I already knew that.
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| 12/29/2007 5:52:35 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60 online now!
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I like the comfort in knowing that I have a best friend and confidant, lover, husband, trusted person in *every instance*. I do not like to think the grass is greener...
it would lead me astray....I like to select well, and be the best I can be and contribute to my partner's happiness and well being in every category.
If you don't give your 60% in a relationship, you cannot ask for it in return..everyone give more than you expect to receive..works like magic!
I was married for 20 years, and he passed away, then met an outstanding individual, and that lasted 8 years. 28 years of great HAPPINESS...
I want to continue in that vein...
Wine
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| 12/29/2007 6:03:54 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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dragan
Clinton Township, MI
age: 38 online now!
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When I am with someone that is who I am with. If your looking for someone else, then can you really be happy with the one your with?
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| 12/29/2007 6:15:10 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60 online now!
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Yes, exactly..how can you look yourself in the mirror every morning, knowing that in your heart you think there might be green grass down the street..perhaps you should go looking. If you look for something, you might find it and then how would you feel?
How would you like your partner to *emotionally cheat* on you???
Not a value system I could or would live with...this thought has now been entered into my file cabinet of things to ask the next person in my life...*how do you feel about??....* emotional cheating is right at the top 10.
Wine
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| 12/29/2007 6:15:16 PM |
Should settling down be a practical matter? |
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countrydancer32
Chicago, IL
age: 31
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"love the one you're with"
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