| 12/27/2007 8:52:21 AM |
suddenly alone |
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donf
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 63
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I have been married for 28 years, yes that'ts right 28 years,with out any discussion, my wife came to me and told me she wants a divorce, She is my age, 63 years old and said to me that she feels she is only a convenience, she does not think I love her and she "has to find herself!". It is about 11 months since she left and keeps giving me mixed message. Because of that I find it hard to let go. With divorce you also lose lots of married friends and now I feel alone in life. I keep obsessing about my wife and find it hard to move on. I am not sure if my love for my wife is hindering me or the lonelyness.
"help"
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| 12/27/2007 9:35:57 AM |
suddenly alone |
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heatmanhot4u
Southampton, NY
age: 47
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Hey Donf:
I was in the same boat, sort of the same situation. I know its hard to let go. I was also married 28 years, and found I had lost my best friend/soul mate. It certainly scars the heart, and I feel for you. You do have to move on though, to get better for yourself. Keep a stiff upper lip and get busy looking, after all thats half the fun. 
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| 12/27/2007 9:50:31 AM |
suddenly alone |
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donf
Fort Lauderdale, FL
age: 63
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Please believe me , I want to. But being married and living with her 30 years I think I lost my self esteem. My real problem is that I think I still love her and she (from what everyone tells me)keeps giving me mixed messages. I am having a very hard time letting go.
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| 12/27/2007 11:21:45 AM |
suddenly alone |
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kmcarberry
Woodstock, GA
age: 50
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Your not alone. I was married for 29 years, just turned 50, and now am alone starting over. What makes me strong is I know I'm a good person, I know I deserve better and am willing to find and share happiness with someone new if that special person comes along. Life is too short. You need to get out there and date - although it's scary and awkward.
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| 12/27/2007 6:20:55 PM |
suddenly alone |
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jan113
Downingtown, PA
age: 51
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Have you tried counseling? I would not give up on the marriage until I tried everything, before I threw in the towel. It took a long time to truely "let go" but finally I did. If counseling has not been attempted try it and see what happens. We have to let go because we can not change anyone but we can change how we react to them.
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| 12/27/2007 6:36:19 PM |
suddenly alone |
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richard66214
Overland Park, KS
age: 53
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Thirty years in my case. counseling will help, but you have to decide, am I going on, or sit and wonder. The main thing is find people to talk to. They tell me it gets better, 1 1/2 years, and I still don't know, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel.
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| 12/28/2007 9:56:11 AM |
suddenly alone |
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snowwomen
Redwood Falls, MN
age: 54
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I was married for 18 years. It is hard to let go- but i did and started dating a guy that was super nice- we had a friendship.companship, trust, honesty, and the intimacy, We were togther for 16 years. I lost him this past year due to heart atttack. I know what being lonely is like . We shared our laughter, joy and sorrow . Truly good guy. Blessed be his memory.
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| 12/30/2007 5:45:23 PM |
suddenly alone |
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rose37
Kyle, TX
age: 70
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It takes a long time to adjust...But it can be done if you realize it is over and there is no going back to her...believe me...
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| 12/30/2007 6:39:32 PM |
suddenly alone |
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pollyannie
Williams, IN
age: 48
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Maybe in "finding herself" she will come back to you. Give her time & if you want look at your options. You may find yourself as well
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| 1/2/2008 8:11:30 AM |
suddenly alone |
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hope383
Patchogue, NY
age: 58
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There are so many of us out there I was married for 35 years and I can't work I just had surgery on my knee no one to take care of me ...I have a son and a daughter but they have there own problems ....I am so alone what is life all about??I don't know anymore some days I just get up cry and go back to bed...I look older everyday...I live for my grandchildren a girl 7 that loves to stay with me and helps me what a doll she is.......But I don't like her to alway see me sad and I can't make my self happy....Money is so tight..........But I believe God has a plan for me and everyday I look for it but the hurt is killing me inside...........Good luck to you all out there but the most inportant thing in life is LOVE if you have love you have everything..........I have my grandchildren..........
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| 1/2/2008 9:17:46 AM |
suddenly alone |
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impishfaerie
Mechanicsburg, PA
age: 38
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Donf....This just happened to me this past September. My husband was like "you shouldn't be surprised." but I really, truly was. Our marriage really seemed to be heading in the right direction after 20 years of being together and things not being so great. It seems like you are looking for hope in the fact that she is sending you mixed messages. She may be confused herself (you were together for 30 years) and she possibly needs some time to find herself. You do seem to lose your sense of self when you become a mom (dad) and a wife (husband).
I'm new to this only 3 months into being separated and on my way to being divorced. It's sad when you wake up and realize your life has changed in the blink of an eye. People draw dividing lines and take sides. Others are afraid they will be drawn into the "conflict" or feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say. Heaven forbid you bring anything up because then you are "dwelling" on the situation. Divorce is similar to the death of a loved one and there are so many different stages. People want you to be o.k. quickly so they can feel o.k.
A couple of people gave some good advice on getting counseling. You can't force her to go but you could get it for yourself and gently suggest to her that you would be willing to sit down with a counselor and talk together to see if your marriage could be salvaged. If it can't be, then at least it will help you to put into perspective how you wish to move forward with your life. For me that is the most important thing I remind myself of.........I'm moving forward and not looking back. Like someone else said in their post, I know I did the best I could possibly do and I gave it everything I had and in those truths I can find peace in moving on.
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| 1/2/2008 7:05:10 PM |
suddenly alone |
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dakotaman222
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 50
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I learned since my divorce that being alone is something you had better get comfortable with. It is a fact of life and if you aren't comfortable being by yourself, then chances are you going to make the same mistake b getting involved with someone too quickly as not to be alone.
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| 1/2/2008 8:57:27 PM |
suddenly alone |
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forme2
Salem, OR
age: 46
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sorry new to this online thing But I was married for15 yrs. but have been single for 4 its rough getting started again things have changed a lot and I am not in singles bars tried that ugh so thought I would give this a try and after this long being single it does get better but the being alone part still sucks forme2
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| 1/2/2008 10:07:47 PM |
suddenly alone |
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hobo4luv2u
Foley, MN
age: 57
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I became alone prior to being divorced and sought help for the parts that I felt were missing, although I knew it wasn't going to work when my wife would not go to counceling with me. Then I became truly alone. I moved to Minnesota to be with her and then after the divorce I stayed because of the business I owned. I had to deal with the lonely times, Christmas being the worst of holidays. I have NO family here, and no friends. I realize when you're gone for weeks on business trips, its very hard to make even one friend. I did find some comfort being in one chat room and returned frequently to the room and got to know some really good people. Being here on this site is helping me further the belief that there are good people....you only have to open your eyes to see.
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| 1/8/2008 7:42:30 PM |
suddenly alone |
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timy567
Clinton, OK
age: 51
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26 years for me.My wife said she wasn't happy,divorced me and remarried a year later,sold our home,took my daughter and moved out of state,boy what a shock.I still am broken and find myself hiding in my apartment not wanting to get out and meet new people.i have met one lady on this site and went out with her,had a great time,and we talk all the time on the phone,but the pain is still very much there
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