Where have all the nice guy's gone?

1/16/2008 11:06:38 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
icemannky Lexington, KY age: 37	I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out. What happened to all the nice guys? The answer is simple: you did. See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fcking treated you. At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease. Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?" Well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be. Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that. So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do: 1.) Build a time machine. 2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass. 3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it. I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you. If you were five years younger. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fcked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't f*cking want you, now. Sincerely, A Recovering Nice Guy
1/16/2008 11:25:03 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
happinessnlove Dade City, FL age: 40	Ice man: On behalf of all the nice guys in the world. Thank you. Finally someone put it in plain English. Do the woman care? NO. Will they change? No. We will forever be the sweet and nice guys. They will forever be unhappy in relationships, and we will be forever there to comfort them.
1/16/2008 11:26:49 PM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
kegleaves Mount Juliet, TN age: 29	Hey some of us pay attention
1/17/2008 1:10:40 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	they are everywhere. the reality is that often times they are overlooked by jerks, assholes, obnoxious, etc.. men who run game on some women, and then these same women are back at square one asking the same question about where are the nice men at often times some women wake up too late to realize the mistakes they made in the 20s 30s and realize that in fact they let a few get away. but by then it's pretty much too late to find that nice guy they have been looking for all along.
1/17/2008 1:35:39 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
bryhykr Calgary, AB age: 42	- from one 'ex'-nice guy to another... well said.. damn well said. When I try to think about answering the question I just see a cloud of dark, fuzzy, confused frustrated anger.. How you were able to put all that down like that, in such prose and flow, .. very nice. You should be a columnist or something...
1/17/2008 2:02:03 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
collide64 Janesville, WI age: 43	Bravo iceman! BRAVO!!!!! (standing ovation)
1/17/2008 2:03:07 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
bocky1019 Newark, DE age: 50	guys just beware!..antrax lased kleenex are coming in..keep your face masks close by..
1/17/2008 8:21:34 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
bassman1959 Santa Rosa, CA age: 48	Couldn't agree more Icemann.
1/17/2008 8:23:07 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
metu Mansfield, TX age: 46	All the nice guys are at my house!
1/17/2008 8:32:15 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
drummrboy Belmont, MA age: 43	metu. no all of them!
1/17/2008 8:37:09 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
yankeesweet Aiken, SC age: 57	Hey, we are not ALL like that! I had a nice guy...a really nice guy...and he passed away this year suddenly, right before Christmas. I have been lost and heartbroken without my best friend, my confidante, lover and buddy....so lay off a little...on behalf of us that know a nice guy when we see one! And by the way...being over 30 doesn't mean its too late to wake up and find a nice guy...there are still some out there that have not become as cynical as you have. I wish you would lighten up and look a little closer at the women out there because there are some nice ones of us left too!!!!
1/17/2008 9:02:14 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
whtgngrflower Opp, AL age: 38	WTG iceman make a woman feel like dirt because all of her best friends have always been guys. Mostly because they are easier to trust than some of the backstabbing debs I've known. Of course you could be right about some of them having more than friendship in mind, but most of them were dating or married to friends of mine. Since that time machine doesn't exist and I being one of the smart ones have learned from my mistakes. I guess I'll just keep looking and see if there are any "nice guys" left who don't have a chip on their shoulder about how they were treated eons ago and can move on with their lives as well. God Bless and have a wonderful day!!
1/17/2008 9:09:29 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
whalemstr Corning, CA age: 50	Right where we've always been. Thank you dan
1/17/2008 9:35:25 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
pointy Houston, TX age: 38	iceman bro your right on point.
1/17/2008 10:05:30 AM	Where have all the nice guy's gone?
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	@ yankee calm down yes lol lol, i know the truth hurts. i know. plenty of women in the late 30s 40s are still looking for that nice guy. and have come to grips of their own mistakes letting them go early on in past relations or potential relations in their 20s 30s and even 40s for the ones who still haven't woken up. i know that it's not too late for women in their 30s to wake up. the thing is, some still don't wake up until later on in life. i didn't say a woman could never find a nice guy, the point i was making that you didn't see was the fact that it's too late because they wake up to late to realize the mistakes they made and the chances definately decrease as women get older to meet a good nice guy. of course there are few exceptions. there are always exceptions in anything. it is what it is.

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