| 8/29/2008 7:39:24 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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jayman357
Florence, KY
age: 45
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oh my...
first off let me give a url for anyone that has any questions or needs a sympathetic ear it is a nonprofit group set up just to help with loss.
it is http://www.groww.org has helped me a whole lot even discussing anything was hard and is...
one thing i have taken away from the group is that grief caries no time limit and that your grief and loss are all different and our thoughts on the subject truly come from our own heart...
i thought i was ready and i was lucky i dated a ems person who just recently was divorced and it was a healing thing as we discussed each others losses and i have to say that our losses is just that you dont miss them any less the loss just becomes diffrent and you must go on..
i date and who knows i may find some one that i conect with again but untill then i will share my life and the people i date are welcome to ask about my life before meeting them but as it hurts to talk about my loss i dont unless asked then i share and i let them know up frony i am widowed and i have dealt with my ghost but if i bring it up or speak about something from my past it is to share with you but not to compare as that can nevder be.
so enjoy dating go out live be happy and no that what we share with others is part of ourselves and who we are and whom we love.
i say talk but do so as you share this with the person and make it clear that you arent comparing them..just sharing them and hopefuly they will understand...
i dont clain to know anything what i have just typed comes from my heart and i share it with you cause it was a hard leason to learn and i feel you and sympathise with your problem.
answer to question
share your loss and defintley share your feelings and let them comfort you.. god love you and sorry for your loss
jeff
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| 8/30/2008 1:09:19 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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tallsweetblonde
Gastonia, NC
age: 37
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Thanks for the advice Jeff. I meant to come off as sharing but may have came across as comparing but did not mean to. I talk to my friends about good memories of my late husband a lot and it is comforting. I might need to wait until I know the guy better before talking about late husband too much so that he understands that I am not comparing just sharing.
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| 8/30/2008 6:59:44 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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bigmacs4u
Horsham, PA
age: 49
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Hi there
I have been a widower for 3.5 years now and it is still tough to date
My wife had stage 4 breast cancer and 6 brain tumors she got it in 2001 and passed on
2005 6 days before my daughter's 5 b-day
And iam having some trouble here i do go out on dates but it is hard when they ask
about her because you try so hard not to say stuff
i try not to say stuff when out on a date
so now iam raising my daughter on my own and keeping the house up and learing more about girls
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| 8/31/2008 9:17:27 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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purplemermaid
Silver Spring, MD
age: 45
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Part of me feels ready to date and the other part does not. I am not sure what to do and I have a ten old girl to raise alone.
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| 9/3/2008 2:10:24 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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travelpal
Arlington, VA
age: 62
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I agree with those who say talk about your spouse and concur that they are part of who you are. I mention in my profile that I am a recent widow after a long marriage. I have dated a few who are either divorced or widowed and generally they are amazed that I was with anyone for so long. I met my husband when I was 14 and lost him when I turned 60, he was in my life for a very long time. I slip and say "WE" an awful lot without realizing it, I just smile and go on. I don't try to make anyone measure up to my husband, they couldn't and I would never expect them to try. I agree with the person who said honesty is the best policy and if he/she is a decent enough person, they will understand. I still love my husband and I am not ashamed, he was my life for a very long time. Good luck to us all.
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| 9/11/2008 5:55:54 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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outofflordia
Finger, TN
age: 56
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I dont want people to be sad by the passing of my wife,they did not know her. But we all have life experiences that has developed us to whom we are. If you have been with that person for a long time. Most of our experences is with that person. So to keep them out of the conversation would be inpossable. There are deceased ,and are not going to be a threat to our new relationship. Talking of what you would do in certain circumstances we have to refer back to our past. with the other person . By doing this I am in now way comparing just showing or telling how I got to be this way. Im not sure if I'm writting this to your understanding,getting thoughts from brain to words ? I like to talk to other Widowers and I except then to talk about their Husbands, At least I knew they have the capacity for love and did love. GARY
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| 9/12/2008 9:21:10 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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legaleye1
Panama City, FL
age: 62
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I think that we as widowers have to move on sometime and as time gets longer, then the pain is easier to take. I was married for 261/2 years and we both knew that at 62 I was to young not to move on. Does that make me care any less, NO. But I have desided to move on and seek a new adventure.
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| 9/28/2008 11:46:28 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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altje
Kernersville, NC
age: 68 online now!
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When I met my second husband I had been through divorce after having been married 34 years (since one month after I turned 17) - I had been very bitter over the divorce and it wasn't until 6 yrs later that I even considered dating. My second husband was a widower whose wife of 20+ years had died in December before we met the next July. His first marriage had ended in divorce, so he understood where I was coming from. We talked often about what each of us would want for the other if we were the first to die - neither of us wanted the other to be alone and wanted each other to go on with our lives. He died suddenly last February after almost 10 years of marriage and I have done as he wanted me to do. I have met a very special man and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. He is a widower and like me had a first marriage that ended in divorce and a good second marriage. We started out as friends on DH just to discuss issues common to people our age and soon realized that we had a special connection - we both talked about our late spouses and both feel that the fact that we want that special relationship again is a compliment to our spouses as we wouldn't have felt that way if we had had bad marriages. We can and do talk about anything and everything and will meet shortly - he is flying to visit me (we live on opposite coasts) and I plan to fly to visit him a little later. Our love for each other in no way diminishes the love we each had for our spouses. We will always remember and love them - they were and are a part of us. But we both know we love each other and that there is plenty of love to go around.
I feel strongly that if a couple cannot discuss things freely it will only lead to conflicts later and that perhaps they are not suited for each other. I would not be comfortable having to walk on eggshells and be always wondering if something I needed to say was going to be taken the wrong way or used to attack me. Just my opinion, others may feel differently.
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