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Forums: Relationships: when does it get easier
2/6/2008 4:48:02 PM when does it get easier  

karokeman
Abita Springs, LA
age: 37

 I am wandering how long does it take to move on. My ex said it was over she goes out and stays out all night with friends,(we still live together because of our kids) but I cant seem to let go even though i think i should. Also, i get upset if i think she is with someone else. Is this natural or am I an idiot
2/6/2008 4:50:18 PM when does it get easier  

proracer
El Cajon, CA
age: 28

 It's natural man, your in the hurt tank right now. Have her sit the kids and go out with the guys and get a nice pair of 36 D's on your chest while dancing and you might feel better.

Pr
2/6/2008 4:56:15 PM when does it get easier  

towtrk1
Groton, CT
age: 36

 Seriously, what Proracer said. If you're still struggling with feelings for her... take up company with some of the guys and enjoy yourself. But understand that you'll be in "mourning" for some time... it's natural. Just dont let it consume you by all means!!!
Persoanlly, if you're still in the house withher, it will make it much harder to move on. Kids are understandable, but think of the healthy outllok on life you are portraying by continuing to live under the same roof, albeiut having seperate lives. To kids, that can send disturbing lessons that will be hard to explain , and even harder to re-train them that that is not what life is about.



[Edited 2/6/2008 4:58:35 PM]
2/6/2008 4:56:45 PM when does it get easier  

cmjanew
Sayre, PA
age: 48

 I would say your reaction is very natural. When my ex was leaving, she was in defensive mode. That is, she wanted to make sure she presented herself in best light to the judge (in case we got into a contested sort of deal) As it was I didn't even get an attorney. Anyway, she wouldn't leave until her lawyer assured her, because our youngest was 17 at the time, there was no reason she had to stay. She used to parade through the house in her Victoria Secret garb as she 'dressed' to go "OUT".

I don't know how many times I told her; "we cannot be room mates. please leave. we are divorced NOW as far as I'm concerned"

Its not as if she didn't have a place to stay. But she was very calculating.

Good luck.
2/6/2008 5:02:16 PM when does it get easier  

karokeman
Abita Springs, LA
age: 37

 I think sometimes hurt keeps me going I grip when she comes home at the wee morning hours. i try not to be possesive because we are through, but I just dont want to give up. Maybe I will try something different this weekend. Go out have a blast and just meet people instead of looking depressed all the time.
2/6/2008 5:12:07 PM when does it get easier  

mrbadexample
Cleveland, OH
age: 43

 These guys are all correct. How long does it take to move on? It can take forever if you don't literally force yourself to get out and get back in the game. Just go out and have some fun...don't look for true love or a good mom for your kids or your future ex-wife. Right now you need to get your mind off your ex. Best thing for that is a new woman...better yet, a few new women.
2/6/2008 5:53:22 PM when does it get easier  

katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35

 I am totally baffled by this.

How on EARTH does it benefit your children for you to be miserable and hurt, her to be out partying and dating while the kids watch her do it, and them to be completely confused by the whole "mommy and daddy aren't together anymore but they still live together" scenario?

Get your OWN place so that you can start healing and rebuilding your life. This is the coward's way of dealing with things, not the noble way. You can't admit that it's really overwith. If you really want to do what's best for the kids, get yourself together and man up. Work out a regular visitation schedule so that she can do her socializing when you have the kids, and vice versa, so the kids aren't FURTHER confused by seeing daddy on the couch while mommy comes home with "Uncle Rick" and retires to the bedroom.
2/6/2008 5:53:28 PM when does it get easier  

gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 44

 I've read many of your other postings, one minute your wife is upset that you are moving on and dating

And now you are upset that she is....

I think you have some really mixed messages that you're posting here and asking for help with and that you yourself appear to be going through and dealing with in reality.

Whether it's your wife who is playing games or you...

something is not right.

If you are in fact divorced - move out. Sell the house. Go your separate ways.
If you are still married - then get counseling from professionals.

regardless it doesn't appear that either of you are certain that you have made a real choice or decision in regards to your marriage to each other.
2/6/2008 5:59:13 PM when does it get easier  

mindyb
Bloomington, IL
age: 42

 been there my friend as lomng as your under one roof it will challange you...it is hard to work on yourself with that under your nose but it very well could make you stronger. There is a lot of reading material out there that helps. The main thing to remember is your amazing, your kids are amazing and there must be something about your one as amazing too or it would not be such a challange for you. I know it sounds like fluff but in order to be the best you can for yourself and your kids use this time to discover friendship and dont discuss hot topics that can lead to a fight...that can come after the two of you learn how to communicate as friends with respect to each others private lives.....rememebr you can not control her so dont try and dont let your brain be attached to the idea of having any say...let it go.
you in my prayers
2/6/2008 6:17:33 PM when does it get easier  

pisceslady30
York, PA
age: 29

 First of all she obviously doesn't care about you if she is throwing her"affairs" in your face. You need to realize that and go from there.How can you move on if your still stuck on yesterday. You living in the house is just a reminder of what you once had and nothing else. If you're serious about moving on you will eventually when the time is right for you. Everyone here can tell you their opinions but none of that matters until you yuorself are ready to do something about it. I feel bad for your kids because they are caught in the middle. It only gets easier when you allow it to.
2/6/2008 7:08:23 PM when does it get easier  

yanks118
Moab, UT
age: 24

 i would say at least 2 yrs.... depends on the person though! i am a lil bit jealous of the ex's new girl.... cause he gives her everything i wanted..... (not jus material things but emotional) but then i step back and think maybe loosing me brought that out in him... who knows..... but i'm not always completely over it.... but i would never go back to him!
2/7/2008 1:52:34 AM when does it get easier  

brandie1975
Stockton, CA
age: 32 online now!

 I am going to say my bit about the whole issue and right or wrong maybe you will take a bit of it to heart....

The focus you are placing on this situation is completely misdirected... YOUR CHILDREN are the ones really suffering. Where is your head man? I am 100% for remaining friends if the circumstances allow this but at a safe distance from the departee... I am currently separated from my spouse and I believe the best thing we could have ever done for our child was to begin completly separate lives, as in move on to completly separate homes. Right now the confussion your children must be experiencing is staggering. What life lessons are you teaching them at this point of what a healthy, normal relationship is suppose to be. Mommy and Daddy live together but have partners on the side? Mommy and daddy live together to be miserable. Your unhappiness will spread to your children unbeknown to you and your ex wife and the damage to their mental health could be irreversable... At this point your teaching your children that it is ok to be miserable for the sake of anothers selfishness.

In an ideal world the word divorce would never have entered the american dictonary but it is real, the only way to rectify this situation for your childres sake is to move on and show them there is happiness to be found as long as you make the concious decision to be. You will remain stuck in this sickness as long as you permit this situation to rule you and your family.
2/7/2008 2:55:08 AM when does it get easier  

safiya48
Queensland
Australia
age: 48

 Its very natrual but your not doing yourself or children any favors by staying. You have to get up the courage to go out on your own and start a new life. You are no use to your kids when your falling apart. You have to be the strong one. The time you get to have with your children will be quality time and its up to you how good a father you want to be.