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Forums: Relationships: Children and dating
2/7/2008 4:47:09 PM Children and dating  

ethie
Brentwood, NY
age: 39

 How soon should you introduce your
children to someone you are dating?
2/7/2008 4:49:38 PM Children and dating  

cjbaker
Decatur, AL
age: 38 online now!

 That's a good question... I haven't dated yet, but I'm sure when I do.. that she would want to meet them and they would want to meet her.. I guess I will have to wait and cross that bridge when I get there...

I know that didn't help..
2/7/2008 4:53:06 PM Children and dating  

ethie
Brentwood, NY
age: 39

 I don't have children, but I see some of my friends that introduce
their dates to their children by the second day. I think that's
a little too soon.
2/7/2008 4:58:38 PM Children and dating  

cjbaker
Decatur, AL
age: 38 online now!

 Since I only get mine on Saturday noon till Sunday noon... it would be hard for me to introduce them soon.. But actually they don't have to meet unless, me and her intend to go to a higher level of the relationship... then it would be required, cause she would have to know them... then that opens another subject... she don't have to be a mother to them, just be a friend, nice and respectful... and of course my kids would have to show her respect and be nice also.

I do agree with you.. the 2nd date is too soon, unless has NO other choice... like no one to babysit. Then I could see it.



[Edited 2/7/2008 4:59:42 PM]
2/7/2008 5:07:50 PM Children and dating  

kari4you
Wichita Falls, TX
age: 37

 I am a widow and wonder this some thing. I agree that the second date is too soon. I really feel your relationship has to be strong to make that choice.
2/7/2008 5:10:45 PM Children and dating  

ethie
Brentwood, NY
age: 39

 Well, that's kinda what I thought but when I
suggested she wait a little longer, she stated
to me that I don't have children so I don't
understand. So I left it alone.
2/7/2008 5:15:29 PM Children and dating  

lasttime4me
Townsend, MT
age: 63

 I wouldn't want to meet someones kids until I thought there was a connection there strong enough to be a relationship. It would be hard for kids to meet someone that would only be there a short time. But If I thought it was right ,I would want to develope a relationship with the kids. They would have to be a package deal.
2/7/2008 5:23:56 PM Children and dating  

kari4you
Wichita Falls, TX
age: 37

 I hope she doesn't regret doing that. I made that mistake once..but that is all it took for me. Not again.
2/7/2008 6:36:53 PM Children and dating  

towtrk1
Groton, CT
age: 36

 She may be refusing to let her kids (schedules) influence her dating, as if she wants to date NOW, regardless of the kids. Not to say she doesnt care for the kids, but she isnt willing to let them control her personal dating life. Also, the kids are a part of who she is. naturally a man in her life will have to understand this.
Her mistake is forcing the man she's dating into meeting her kids. She's also forcing her kids into "judging" her dates. it's never good to bring them around until you're sure that other person is significant enough.
I've come close to intro'ing my daughter. Glad I didn't. I will talk about her to a woman, use her name in conversation to that woman. even talk to that woman on the phone while she is with me, but introducing her?.. not so fast!!
2/7/2008 7:12:07 PM Children and dating  

countrygirl2485
Huntington, WV
age: 22

 I always seem to introduce my daughter as soon as possible which i am starting to thnk is a bad idea because if she likes them and it dont work then she his disapointed and dont understand why they are not around anymore.
2/7/2008 7:12:31 PM Children and dating  

zeanah
Clarion, PA
age: 48

 I think it depends on the age of the children. If they are young, let's say 3yrs - 14, then I'd wait until it was a more solid, ongoing relationship. I'd want to be sure the relationship was going to be bringing him around often and we were monogamously involved. Kids attach themselves quickly when very young and when they hit pre-teen, they sometimes feel threatened by someone new in Mom's or Dad's life.

Once my children were 15 and older, I was more relaxed with dates coming to the house.They were old enough to understand that I was just dating and getting out for some adult fun.They knew I loved them and would not bring home someone I didn't trust.They did very well with the process.They were usually out with their friends anyway! My children are grown now and I am glad I didn't have any major problems with it.

Communication with the child is key. I sat my kids down as young children and explained it to them. I did it gradually and as they grew up, they were not surprised at all by me dating.

I have dated men who were very guilty about dating even when their kids were older teens. I think men are more skeptical and weird about their kids meeting the new woman in Dad's life. Daughters can be very protective of their father and don't want to share. A lot of men give into that guilt, when I feel they should not allow the child to control their adult life. It is possible to gradually have them accept a woman if the father takes a loving stand.

Oh well..to each his own!

That's just how I handled it.To each his own, but I'd be careful.
2/7/2008 7:26:18 PM Children and dating  

newinil
Carlock, IL
age: 35

 I don't know that you can really set a time line on that.

I insulate my kids from my dates as much as humanly possible. I also make it clear up front though, that my kids liking them are one big requirement. It's a double edged sword though, I am probably going to give away one of my little secrets now.

If she wants to meet the kids right away, then it appears needy to me. Probably a good time to end the relationship.

If she keeps asking to meet my kids after a time frame that I am not comfortable with..Again probably a good idea to end it.

Notice though, I did say Keeps asking. To ask once is fine, as long as it's not the first or second date.

Basically what I am saying is.. It's a touchy subject. Let your heart guide you, but just be sure your more than certain that you want to be with this person for a long time.

Don't let the kids get hurt over your own needs or wants.
2/7/2008 7:26:58 PM Children and dating  

are_we_a_match
Huntsville, AL
age: 30

 I believe that you should not introduce your children to him until both of you have made a commitment to be togeather for ever. The reason why is because its not good to let your kids see you with many boyfriends whether your dating one at a time or 20 at a time. The children need to know that they have that security in their life. Some kids get attached very easily.

I made the mistake one time introducing my kids to a boyfriend after 3 weeks of dating him and my daughter was attached within a week. When we split up she cried. Her emotions were involved and played a vital part of my future decisions.

Its best to keep them away for a while. Just remember children get attached easily and that if they see what goes on in your life then they will follow you and do the same. Do whats good for your kids. Think about them first.
2/7/2008 11:20:30 PM Children and dating  

pandorazzz_box
Saco, ME
age: 37

 Sorry, Are_We_a_Match, but I have to disagree, even if I don't have the "right" answer either.

While I DO agree that you shouldn't introduce your children to every guy you date, there are several reasons why I don't think you should wait until you're committed for life.

The first being that your children or your "new" partner may not like each other at all. They may not be a good "fit", and it would be a shame to find that out after you've fallen in love with the guy. I've seen this happen with friends, and too many times, the woman chooses to keep the man around despite the way her children feel about the guy or even though they don't mesh.

Along the same line, the other reason I disagree is that children (like dogs....don't laugh now....)have amazing "senses", instincts / intuition....however you want to put it. If we are already "in love" and have committed ourselves to a man before we introduce him to our children, we are more likely to miss something that our children pick up on (sense), that under other circumstances, might cause us to think more carefully about moving forward in the relationship.

In my opinion, it is a good idea to introduce your kids to someone you're dating when you begin to realize that you might want to have that person around for a while and the feeling is reciprocal.



[Edited 2/7/2008 11:23:14 PM]
2/8/2008 2:21:02 AM Children and dating  

terrcem
Ocala, FL
age: 20

 JMO based on nothing.
1. meet their family.
2. visit their home.
3. inform yourself on their history and occupation.

Page: 1, 2, 3