| 2/23/2008 9:14:02 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52
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You started talking on this site in September it's been a rough ride since then. He pushes you away then pulls you back. He send you love songs then he tells you to leave him alone. You asked a question very simple one how far to you live from a certain place. He answers by raving something about not wanting to wh*re around or just being with you sexually. You stop talking for a couple weeks and decide maybe you should move on. You reunited with someone from your past the 2 of you have been best friends for years and you carry it farther than you intend too. It's romantic a fire in the fireplace, snowing outside a quaint cabin all alone no one around and you make love hours upon hours not sleeping or drinking anything except each other. Then the next night while the 2 of you are alone making plans for each other and feeling things you are not sure about the one you've been waiting for calls praying for all this time calls. Leaves you a message he wants to try at a relationship with you, he's been alone too long and needs someone like you. Out of respect for the guy you are with you ignore the call. You get home and go to church the next day when you come from church your heart throb has called again. You go on the computer to read a few blue prints for your part time job and find he has left you several emails with the phone # you have been waiting months for and the same I need you message he left before. You talk for hours with him. Day and night for days. You call each other every morning to say good morning and each night to say good night. H finally shares all his hurts and pains with you. His dreams for the 2 of you for the future and his want to be with you. He begs you to come be with him and agianst all the best advice you decide you will take the chance and go spend a future weekend with him. You talk that night as usual telling each other good night his last words I'll call you from work tomorrow night. The call doesnt come. You're not to concerned is job is a pressuring one you figure he is busy himself. Then the next day no email no call, he has a bad heart so you become worried. Then by Wednesday still no call no email. You are frantic at this time. You call his roommate to find out what is going on you find out he has been arrested and taken to jail for violating a protection order he has against him. He has told you about this his ex-girlfriend along with other things that have went on you are not concerned but wonder why he isnt being released from jail. You trust him with everything you have after all you know in your heart he is the man you love you want to be with no matter what. You've call to find out everyday since Wednesday what is going on. Then it happens you find out a lot more than what you knew the roommate has called and found out that what was told him is the truth by the mans probation officer. But still there is now real proof what he was arrested for at this time yet a lot of things come to light. You are hurt and in despair. If these things are true it brings things from your past to life again things you've tried very hard to get over and succeeded in. How do you ever care for a man like this. Yet, you still do. Still dont know how true any of this is now even though he has been in trouble for it in the past. Have been offered his address in jail to write to him.
Now the questions and please people go easy on me, I'm hurting.
Do I write him and get his side of everything question him on what I've found out?
Do I stand by him as I promised him I would months ago?
Do I let go of what I've wanted for months and worked so very hard to earn his trust and caring?
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| 2/23/2008 9:19:04 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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sea_wench1
Chandler, AZ
age: 55 online now!
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I would want answers and they had better be good...then run like hell....( wink ) Sea
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| 2/23/2008 9:21:15 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45 online now!
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He sounds like too much trouble to be honest......
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| 2/23/2008 9:24:46 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52
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but arent good relationships built on both the good and troubled and if something is worth your love, isnt all the trouble in the world worth facing?
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| 2/23/2008 9:33:09 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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coslty8
Uniondale, NY
age: 31 online now!
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sweety God is sending you warning signs...this guy is trouble. If your girlfriend was telling you the same story you would tell her to run.
Don't let your emotions, cloud your good judgement.
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| 2/23/2008 9:40:46 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52
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and I know all you are saying is true costly, God has so many time caused me to run from trouble and in my heart I know he is this time also yes a but, this time my head and heart tell me not to run that there is a special reason this guy is here not my emotions my senses my being, not sure you can understand that but it's just something that happens to me
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| 2/23/2008 9:47:24 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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coslty8
Uniondale, NY
age: 31 online now!
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Don't get me wrong, but it sounds to me like you've already made up your mind.
Why did you post the topic? If you are going to challenge responses. I"m sure everyone is telling you what you don't want to hear...but it's what you need to hear. I hope you make the right decision that's not based OFF of your emotions.
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| 2/23/2008 9:47:31 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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angel_whispers
Klamath Falls, OR
age: 41
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I read what you wrote very carefully. There are red flags popping up all over the place. If he can not be steadfast and true from the start...he never will be. Women with abusive pasts (yes, I am one of them also) tend to continue to fall for the same sterotype that hurt them in the first place. This is your chance to break that cycle for yourself. I would definately write to him and get the answers you need for proper closure of the situation, if you do not get that information with a straight forward request, don't persue it further...you will never get the truth. And then I would contact that other gentleman you had such a wonderful time with at the cabin.
Open the curtains and let the light in. Say goodbye to the things that are not healthy for you.
[Edited 2/23/2008 9:49:23 AM]
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| 2/23/2008 9:49:13 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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coslty8
Uniondale, NY
age: 31 online now!
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@ Angel: great response.
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| 2/23/2008 9:52:42 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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angel_whispers
Klamath Falls, OR
age: 41
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Thanks. I have been there, done that myself. I opened the curtains, let in the light and have never looked back. Infact, I didn't realize what all of that was doing to me. I have a set of pictures, one before I walked and the one I have on here now. I look 15 years younger now. It's amazing what living a healthy lifestyle will do for you.
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| 2/23/2008 9:53:07 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52
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Angel you are right but the other guy fom the cabin is a Secret Service Agent and has also made promises to me in the past, now at his age of 65 he wants what I wanted 12 years ago, children now are not in the question for me we both are to old yet now he wants a baby and I dont
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| 2/23/2008 10:00:18 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 55 online now!
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truegrace: you might want to pull the court files on the guy in jail. If he's violated one protection order, chances are he's got another. Do you really want to put yourself and your family and friends in that position?
Abusers can be charming, but if you love yourself, you'd better decide if you want to ride this roller coaster before it goes off its tracks for good.
You know you deserve way better.
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| 2/23/2008 10:02:18 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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forestrose
Calgary, AB
age: 55
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There are phones in jail.
Anyway...if you think you are so in love with this man, then you better sit
down and have a real good talk. The more time we have invested in someone,
the more we want it to work out. Personally, I believe there are some people
I can and do love, but I cannot have them in my life. They live in my heart,
not in my house. Take care of #1, that is you. I think this 'relationship' is going
to hurt you - now or later.
As for #2, the cabin man, I sense some resentment in your comment about him now
wanting what you wanted in the past. Can you move past the resentment if you get
together? He isn't just saying what he knows you want to hear? You can never go
back in time.
IMO, personally, I would get untangled from the liar and just be friends for now with SS guy.
Or put both on hold in Friends only status, till you get more clear headed about seeing what
is rather than what you wish was.
[Edited 2/23/2008 10:08:05 AM]
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| 2/23/2008 10:14:29 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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charlesdecker
Sun Valley, CA
age: 37
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Are you sure "he" really isn't a female?
Talk about high maintenance.
I started getting a headache just reading all that, much less living through it.
Just kidding, sort of.
On a brighter side of things, I just started seeing someone who I met on this site, and she is the sweetest girl in the world.
She makes me smile so much.
Thank you DateHookup.dating.
My advice, not that it means anything.......I wouldn't call. He has to meet you half way or you will never get anywhere together.
But if you feel he is worth waiting around for, then wait.
But always remember that there may be a wonderful person that you miss along the way, while waiting.
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| 2/23/2008 10:29:08 AM |
You've found the one you were looking for |
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truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52
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alright people you have been so gracious with your answers and and I know all of them are right. The abuse doenst worry me I know what that stemmed from and its not like the abuse I recieved from my second husband the physical and mental abuse. When angry you say things you dont mean This what the abuse charge was.
What worries me now please remember this man has a profile on here and I will not diclose it in the thread but will if you want his name on my email. He has cocaine use charges on him and he was picked up for violate probation, accused of molesting a 14 year old girl this time the last time they could prove the girl was molested just assumed and put him on probation. I was molested by my great uncle as a child I know how devastaing it can be to a young girl took long time to work through it. Most of my family know nothing about it, I did at the age of 42 tell my mom and she was surprised to learn about it. Believe me this man doesnt seem at all like he would do something like that but what type does it really take. I really want answers before I make a decision and I need his explaination and him to tell me what he did.
Should I do I have the right to ask these questions?
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