| 2/24/2008 5:59:57 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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yankeesweet
Aiken, SC
age: 57
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So how many years after one is divorced would you expect a person to be able
to commit to a new relationship with you? Personally, I don't even want to
date someone that has not been divorced and out dating for at least 3 years...
preferably 5. I just think they need that much time to get themselves
together again and be able to move on and really love someone new. Maybe that
is why there are so many unhappy relationships on here that we read about.
People are dating but they are really NOT ready for anything serious...and don't
realize it or just aren't honest with their dates about it.
What does everyone think?
[Edited 2/24/2008 6:26:01 PM]
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| 2/24/2008 6:17:27 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
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I am loathe to put set time frames on anything. Some people are resilient and are mature enough to be able to move forward with their lives. it all depends on how they've handled their past relationships and how much personal work they've accomplished. I will concede and say some people are never ready for another relationship.
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| 2/24/2008 6:20:37 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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dancinglynx
Reedsburg, WI
age: 44
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I think you are right in reguards to giving yourself enough time to deal with the aftermath of a relationship break-up/divorce. Everyone deals with it differently & therefore only they can say when they are ready to try again. I think for those of us who have gone threw that kind of hell have a tendancy of become a bit gun shy. Even when we are ready, we still hold back out of the fear of being hurt like that again....show of hands here? Mine's up. That's why it's so important to take your time to get to know the person before you commit to them. I've heard it said, the person you marry should also be your best friend as well. jmo
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| 2/24/2008 6:27:19 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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yankeesweet
Aiken, SC
age: 57
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Yes, I agree that everyone is different...but I seem to have noticed
that on an "average" it takes people three to five years and was
just wondering if anyone else noticed that too?
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| 2/24/2008 6:38:53 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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eyeswideopened
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 43
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It's an individual decision. Some jump right into another relationship immediately after and I think it's because they cannot be alone. Some prefer time and space to grow as an individual. Me, I have been divorced 16 years now, had some wonderful relationships, but I don't think I am ready for marriage. I hope someday I will be. I prefer and it just seems to work out to allow about three years inbetween the more serious relationships to heal. That's just me though.
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| 2/24/2008 6:45:09 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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magtag
East York, ON
age: 41
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I think it's very dependent on the individual and the situation they have left. For myself, I was pretty ready fairly quickly after the separation as we had bad times for a few years and were getting nowhere fast, so I had separated myself emotionally well before it ended.
BUT...that was one situation and one set of circumstances. I usually try to stay away from those that have not been on their own for anywhere between 1 and 3 years so that they have had time to cope with their own situation prior to trying to start something new.
Having said that, I am still open to hearing about individual circumstances as they could have been in the same boat as I was and be completely ready much sooner...OR...they may need FAR more time to sort things out too. I think you have to look at every person as an individual as our own situations can be so different.
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| 2/24/2008 7:57:05 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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I don't really look at time frames. I do determine if they have dealt with past issues.
I know I worked hard after my divorce talking to family, friends, and professional counselors. I know I wanted to be in a space where I was able to move forward into a new relationship with confidence, and know I was emotionally prepared.
My past relationship is no longer a deterrent to me moving forward into a new relationship. Again, I took the time out to work through this. I refused to go into a "rebound" relationship.
Your mileage may vary.
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| 2/24/2008 7:57:59 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 56
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I was divorced twice, with 9 years and now 12 and counting in between second (and possibly) third marriage. I figure third time will be a charm, I should have one good one in me.
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| 2/24/2008 8:20:32 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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katiescarlett72
Dallas, TX
age: 35
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I've been single for five years; the guy I'm dating has been single for 10. I have a thing about wanting people to get their emotional act together before they start dating again.
I don't know that there's a precise date or amount of time required either, I guess it depends on the relationship you were in, how long it lasted, how nasty the breakup is/was. But you can generally tell pretty fast whether the person you're talking to has done their emotional homework or not.
The following exchange took place last summer between me and a guy who swore he was totally over his marriage:
Me: I really love the Toyota FJ Cruisers.
Him: The guy who was screwing my wife, that's the kind of car he drove.
:: bounce ::
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| 2/24/2008 8:25:35 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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classyguy333
West Fargo, ND
age: 57
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I actually dated my second wife and soulmate before my divorce was final. I had filed and moved out, kids in tow. Dated first time six and a half months later. Two weeks before divorce was final. No sex. It was dinner and some pool. (And she won at pool.) But I finally won her, so who cares. 
Now after soulmate died, that's been a different story. This has taken some time.
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| 2/24/2008 8:36:19 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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timetogolf
Au Gres, MI
age: 54
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Grief counselors will usually tell you that,on average, it takes about 18--24 months to heal from the death of a loved one. After the death of my first wife, it was a little over two years before I even started dating again. I did some work with a therapist, as well as some work with a grief group. It was extremely helpful for me to be involved in that kind of grief work. It prepared me for when I did re-marry.
After almost 12 years of marriage, we divorced (more her choice than mine). It's been over a year and a half, and I know that I am not ready for a long term committed relationship at this point in my life. Now, I know I'm getting there, but I've got a ways to go before I could truly share my heart with another person. Being out here and talking with a number of you is very helpful and makes me realize that I want to get back out there in a dating capacity. When will I really be ready for a more serious relationship? My best guess is it'll be at least another year.
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| 2/24/2008 8:53:58 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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towtrk1
Groton, CT
age: 36
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Does it count if you actually spent 2 years prepping for the ineviteable before you actually moved out??
When I left in Nov '06, I was already beyond the iniital greiving period and SOOO ready to move on with my life.
I stayed longer than I should have. But the last year defined who I was as a person, and a father, so I dont regret it, only the circumstances surrounding it.
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| 2/24/2008 8:56:36 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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southbuster
Haughton, LA
age: 31
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I'd have to ask....who exactly is "THEY"
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| 2/24/2008 9:00:29 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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chimike
Chicago, IL
age: 56
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THEY are famous and experts on everything....and if you don't believe that, just ask them! THEY will tell you....
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| 2/24/2008 9:17:52 PM |
They say timing is everything in life... |
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katiescarlett72
Dallas, TX
age: 35
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Mike, once we finish our book, WE will become "THEY."
Muaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
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