| 3/14/2008 5:20:54 PM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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jondalar
Reno, NV
age: 53
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A friends girlfriend talked with me today and is concerned about her mans lack of affection towards her. She was thinking of all kinds of reasons she is not sexy or that he might have medical problems. He is 35 and she is 33, adorable and loving. I have reassured her that she is attractive and he loves her by the things he says about her. I believe the biggest problem is porn. I have kidded him before about being addicted because of all the email stuff he shares. I will look at a nude woman every time one walks into a room but this guy is into some real XXXXX porn stuff and I know he thinks that is how sex should be and generally speaks of women in a derogatory way. Kind of the opposite of women who grew up watching perfect little families on TV and think that is the way it should be. She is sweet and into romance and he is into things that would offend her to see let alone be part of. I am going to talk with him because he is a good guy and I have known him for a few years.
I guess what I am wondering is have you had experience with this problem and is there hope for their relationship. She deserves to be treated better.
Jondalar
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| 3/14/2008 5:54:22 PM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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coslty8
Uniondale, NY
age: 31
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unfortunatley some men get addicted to porn. Your friend will only realize it when he is confronted with it and sees it for himself. But as a friend you should continue to really talk to him about it.
As for the young lady that's invovled with him...she should not compare herself to those women. And neihter should she feel like she has to compete. Sounds like she has a choice to make....
[Edited 3/14/2008 5:55:01 PM]
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| 3/14/2008 6:14:39 PM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45
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Unfortunately men are not that smart when it comes to naked women. Their brain cells seems to fly out the window.
Porn is mainly fantasy and some men cannot separate reality from fantasy. They become obsessed and believe that is what they want and how it should be. I guess unless it carries over into real life it could be ok.
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| 3/14/2008 6:47:54 PM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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luvzhugz12
Richardson, TX
age: 42
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Maybe they could find a compromise. he could work on the romance and she could work on trying a couple of new things. Without compromise they will both be left feeling incomplete, unsatisfied and unhappy for years to come. JMO
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| 3/14/2008 7:03:53 PM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
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Unfortunately men are not that smart when it comes to naked women. Their brain cells seems to fly out the window.
flowergirl62, know what a fluffer is?  there goes my last brains cell...shucks I was kinda partial to that one...
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| 3/15/2008 2:31:45 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43
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unfortunatley some men get addicted to porn.
As do many women. After 10+ years of working on computers for a living, I can guarantee that just as many women have porn on their computers as men do.
Unfortunately men are not that smart when it comes to naked women. Their brain cells seems to fly out the window.
Porn is mainly fantasy and some men cannot separate reality from fantasy. They become obsessed and believe that is what they want and how it should be.
Kinda makes a person wonder why there is so many women selling themselves?
[Edited 3/15/2008 2:32:46 AM]
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| 3/15/2008 4:47:34 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43
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porn becomes a problem when the officer pulls u over...for pulling....
[Edited 3/15/2008 8:44:21 AM]
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| 3/15/2008 8:43:04 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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dreambuilder07
Gaithersburg, MD
age: 48
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Jon, I suggest intervention and cold turkey. I feel like the porn is more of a symptom, rather than the true problem. Make some kind of deal for no porn for 40 days and 40 nights. Her part of the deal might be no clothing for the same period -- or lots of availability at least. I think though it will be hard -- you will be accepted as trying to help in a truly delicate part of their lives. I always fantasized about being a great lover, feeling that if I was better, she would have been more interested more often. It amazes me today how seeking to fulfill that fantasy through reading and viewing had the exact opposite effect on my love life.
Good Luck -- and great to see you more active again
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| 3/15/2008 9:09:03 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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baalaarney
Campbell, CA
age: 49
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Question......
being online, on sites for dating, always "checking out the pics of girls" different sites.
If a man does this do you consider this a possible problem?
thanks for your imput.
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| 3/15/2008 9:30:17 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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If he is in denial...there is a problem.
First he must acknowledge his addiction.
He spends time at the computer, dreaming, or web caming,
when he could be a participant in his own world.
Addiction is just not just, drug, alcohol, or gambling.
This person has an addiction. I would like him to realize
he is jeopardizing a beautiful relationship, for his addiction.
For every action, there is a reaction...he needs some counseling,
and to rebuild his self worth. She needs help to deal with his addiction,
and her feelings of not being able to measure up, to meet his *expectations*.
Loving sexual relations are the elixer of life, WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.
Being sexy, senuous, sultry, flirty and fun, starts early in the day.
It is how you are treated, and respected. He is showing her total dis-respect.
She feels inadequate... or insecure about her ability to fill his sexual needs.
Maybe they can partake in a seduction DVD, learning session together...
perhaps a couples appreciation.
Wine
[Edited 3/15/2008 9:31:00 AM]
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| 3/15/2008 9:33:53 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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jondalar
Reno, NV
age: 53
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Good thoughts and thanks
I think anytime we spend too much time with something other than our lover things can get disconnected. balance is not easy.
I like the idea of her being naked for his cold turkey time. I visit there often 
I noticed that when I posted this question in the sex and dating area the twenty sometings seemed to share their porn. How does that compute when women do not really like their guy looking at other women? I try to be broad minded when it comes to personal choices, I seek a poly lifestyle yet I do not look at ather women when I am in a relationship or even on a date. I think part of what bothers my freinds girlfriend is that he is spending time with other women. Something like Baalaarney was suggesting. I have not had pinups in my shop for many years because they made my ex uncomfortable about her small breast.
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| 3/15/2008 9:40:07 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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jondalar
Reno, NV
age: 53
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Good thoughts wine
Their ears percked up a few weeks ago when I mentioned my book on 100 tantra positions. That might loosen her up a little sexually and keep his interest for awhile.
As for intervention I think he has just gotten distracted (there is some weird stuff out there)and I will approach it that way.
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| 3/15/2008 9:55:18 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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baalaarney
Campbell, CA
age: 49
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Thank you both.....I am still concerned that this online EYE CANDY always looking thing
is not healthy. At some point a connection out of curiosity may occure. Communication on line has become so right there reality. If one chooses to go the next step and meet up and continue the conversation. This on line eye candy is a constant in our daily lives. Not sure if it is acceptable to me. Any thoughts?
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| 3/15/2008 10:07:01 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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stellablu
Saint Louis, MO
age: 49 online now!
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wine..as always, I agree with ya. 
Porn is not reality...no mere mortal can measure to that, nor would I want to. It would bother me if my guy choose that, because how could he not compare if that's what he's into daily. He would be left unsatisfied, I would be wondering what was wrong with me.
Women, I'm sure do engage as much..
I'd rather have reading material...use my imagination.
Eye candy to me, is NOT porn. Eye candy is hott, fun, teasing...can be the hope of things to come.
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| 3/15/2008 10:08:52 AM |
When porn becomes a problem |
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baalaarney
Campbell, CA
age: 49
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W, I have to say I appreciate you being so articulate, your words sound loud and clear.
I could learn alot from you. Thank you.
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