i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me 16

3/25/2008 10:32:11 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
trance08 Boulder, CO age: 44	Trust. I remember the first time I was honest with myself, really admitted who I am and that I am ok and willing to work with what I have. This changed many things including trust and how I view trust and loyalty. I realized that many of you are just like me and make mistakes, make errors in judgement in the attempt to gain something. Something I don't even have a clear picture of. But, I know this, for me, remove the "gain" part of communication and relationships, forgiving, and being capable of forgiveness helps. The instinct of trust, still is there and will and does overpower the logic. But, I don't have to act on that instinct, just as when I have anxiety, I don't have to run. JMO
3/25/2008 10:46:34 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
davewave1 Ann Arbor, MI age: 61	What is the number of times one partner can violate the shared sacred trust of the other, wherein trust ceases to exist? What is that number of trust violations wherein the faithful partner continues to trust, and becomes a fool as a matter of certainty? The second time a partner knowingly and willfully violates the shared sacred Trust, that "number" becomes ONE! So beautifully was this principle expressed by the American Indian Chief who was approached a second time by the white man, again wishing to steal more of his land through deceit and treachery. The Chief spoke: "First time, you hurt me. Second time, I hurt me." [Edited 3/25/2008 12:20:13 PM]
3/25/2008 11:29:46 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
singlear_guy Jacksonville, AR age: 24	thats can be hard to do at times some times it cant be done but some times it can. but best way is to. just try to do what you say you are going to do. just be honest and in time u might be able to get it back
3/25/2008 11:54:37 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
flirtyme Chattanooga, TN age: 65	Mindyb, I could write a book on what does not build trust once it is broken. I found it impossible to trust him again, but was rocking along, doing my best, then he after 7 years told me the truth, for reasons only he knew. Anything that had been during that 7 years, Poof it was gone. Nothing he said or did after that worked. I do not know if I would even try again. Sometimes it is easier to just wipe out the past and start over. Which I did. Sex was very impersonal for me. Took the joy away. 7 years later and I sometimes still had a big problem with it. I never loved him like I did before the trust was broken. I was devistated, to say the least, I tried the 7 additional years because of my boys. Later I learned my oldest son wondered why I stayed. Do it over again? No way.
3/25/2008 4:30:01 PM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
mindyb Bloomington, IL age: 42	Up to "the what of fool believes: type questions...valid indeed but as a person being responsible for my own self, I will say this I was never a fool. I always knew when I was being lied to and the ex's that have lied always knew that I knew...you can see it. Two of the three would soon own it;admitt to the dishonesty. My last serious boyfriend would own it within minutes...he knew...well he saw me as brillant and I saw him as brillant and he told me that it was something he was use to doing but that it just never worked on me, I sure watched it work on other people. Do I trust him ...you bet!! I know he would not let me die. I know his love for me is deep and true and honest. If we were together would he cheat, if I asked to be the only one, yes he would...he would on anyone...this is who he is...everyone can change but I dont see it happpening for him, his choice. Even when two people are at a place in their lives like I was in which I did not want to be exclusive. I could see it in him and I was not about to take our relationship to that level, I knew he would so why bother setting yourself up to be dissappointed.The relationship was very very loving, very beatiful. Today still close across the miles and tender hearted, but it is very different regarding romance. We were close we spent everyday either together or on the phone, he would call me at wee hours and talk for hours...he even played the guitar and sang to me over the phone, what a sweet voice...but because of his truthfulness with me I trust him with me, being good to me, being the friend we are to one another. While we won't be lovers again, I am not interested that way, we will always be best of friends. His attemtps to bullshit me stopped within the first month of the relationship. His deep respect for me is cool! The other was the ex husband he always tried to lie and he smirked from here to there has I would gently grin and my eyebrows raised, he knew I knew. Do I trust him with my life ...no! trust is not there for daily living,,if I were in danger would he save me, yes. He may be pissed and be spiteful because I left him and would no longer tolerate his beahvior but his love for me has never disapated. If anything he sees how I did nto fail without him and according to the kids, the love is stronger, which I believe because he his mannersim shows it. With this man, I CHOSE to rebuild the trust again and again....and again. The question of how many times....I dont know but I would say the average was a lie( big/little...they are all the same, lies are lies) a week for 23 years...not a fool just a very strong woman Why? because for my own self, my own path to prevent bitterness from invading my heart I had too. A time had gone by in which I did not and i saw bitterness come in and after a while I kicked it out. After the dievorce he was great for months until he saw he could not win me back then he ran out and grabbed anew life, ready made and now has a living hell...and this is my fault how??? its not...his choice...just as it was my choice to rebuild trust to be of a healthy mind and spirit within me. let me ask you this Have you ever seen manhaters or woman haters? of course you have...I see peeks of it around here all the time...some even straight up ate up but the bitterness took root in them because they chose to. Rather than sitting down the baggage taking some of the crap out and lightening the load and taking the rest of the stored memeories they carry all of it. learn from the bad, not carry it around and fester inside to become either someones news problem to deal with...thats not only unfair but pretty god damn selfish, excuse me but I wanted to boldly speak the truth against this selfish distructive rudeness..yes rude...it is selfish and rude to enter into any new relationship and carry that crap with you or to destroy your personality and eat you alive making you a man hater or a woman hater. I see that shit all the time. It's sad, its going to make you live in solitude and feeling sorry for yourself for the rest of your days and will lead you straight to hell....set the bags down, repack...but never ever....leave the bag behind, that is as equally cold and bitter and also will fester...you have to learn how to be strong enough to carry good memories, not be afraid to rememeber them, understand the parts of you liked to know what you want fro your fuiture and yet learn frm the negative and learn how to watch for signs to not waltz into the same type of mindframes...no one said it would be easy but once your there it sure feels damm good to have embraced the wisdom and live by it.
3/25/2008 11:01:45 PM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
davewave1 Ann Arbor, MI age: 61	TRUST The matter of trust between humans can be complex and sometimes very difficult to comprehend. My personal experience in this life has proven that better comprehension of a complex issue such as trust can be achieved by changing the perspective from which one views the subject matter. Looking at the subject of trust as experienced through the eyes and minds of others is an excellent way to broaden ones comprehension. With a kind spirit of Good Faith, I offer two titles which provide different perspectives on the matter of trust. They are: Native American Testimony: A Chronicle of Indian-White Relations from Prophecy to the Present, by Peter Nabakov, and, The Promises Men Live By, by Harry Scherman By one measure alone, I am a rich man. In my sixty-one years I have found and enjoy a perfect trust with four gentlemen. To have these trusting relationships gives me a peace of mind that is priceless beyond any earthly treasure. I still hope to live to know and enjoy such a trust with one woman. After a time of living familiarity, I may extend my sacred trust to another. Having given my word, I will never deliberately or willfully violate that trust. My trust extended to that person will terminate on only two conditions: 1. My Death 2. The willful, deliberate violation of that trust by the other person. Immediately after which, the relationship will return to what it was before the trust was given: that of a mere acquaintance or stranger one passes on the street. [Edited 3/25/2008 11:11:08 PM]
3/26/2008 10:40:29 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
mindyb Bloomington, IL age: 42	I dont see too many responses regardng if sex feels impersonal to you are you the type to withdrawl completely or go running after it to try tp use it in the repair process or like what I said and just get thru it the best you can until things come back to normal...or do you never allow trust to rebuild and high tail it outta there.
3/26/2008 10:46:28 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
krupa1 Abilene, TX age: 39	That is because a lover who I used to trust will never get in my pants again when trust is gone. Other than that....Sex with no emotionality is just a one night stand.....at least in my case!
3/26/2008 10:51:55 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
mindyb Bloomington, IL age: 42	i have never had a one night stand and will never allow it to happen....I have had to put my walls up to get thru sex with someone while i am still in the middle of trust being restored....its a process that takes such a long time....and to think that if people wopuld just be complete;y honest about their views from the begining or how they feel before they acts on feelings trust would not be broken.
3/26/2008 10:29:34 PM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
bykmyk Decatur, IL age: 45	Mindy, you have the deepest thought provoking posts. I've been wrestling with the whole trust thing for awhile. I don't know that it gets totally rebuilt more that I found myself more analyzing statements, actions, moreorless lookin' over my shoulder. Yep say it's okay to keep the status quo and pick the time to call it in the future. So the sex is more impersonal, you ask yourself all the doubtful questions and go through the motions. I know I acted alot less trusting in any situation involving responsibility, accountability. Don't know that it goes away, but the wall became more of a chain link fence. I think once someone cheats and they gain some wierd pleasure through your hurt reaction; they kinda hold that action there like a sucker punch for the future if they feel like you've let it go. Yeah your right sex is part of the relationship, I'm a "gotta have" Aries also. I never cheated but temptation can be a mother--**. I think the moments of temptation made me see the holes in the relationship bond more clearly. In the end it's a fool me once , fool me twice deal in my book. Like the Marlon said "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"
3/27/2008 4:17:39 AM	i want the whole shabang...plzzzz Give it to me
mindyb Bloomington, IL age: 42	Never be within the reach of the enemy, claws can be deadly. I find that being an observer with a MonaLisa smile and a whole feed on the preverbial rope alows me to always be twenty paces ahead....stupid vainty trips their feeble litttle minds every time. Choices are their own, wisdom through humitlity or remain a moron.

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