| 8/25/2011 6:19:24 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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zari_boo
Leeds, NY
age: 31
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I have been talking to a really nice guy for a little while now. He and I get along great, I feel comfortable talking to him, even about really difficult things from my past, and I like to think things are going well.
He asked me to be his girlfriend and, as much as I want to, I can't say yes. I haven't said anything and he's not pushing me. I am terrified that I'm setting myself up to be devastated and I did tell him this and he's being incredibly patient and compassionate.
He deserves better than what I'm offering, or not, at the moment. Why can't I just accept that I have a great guy interested in me?
Comment if you will. I don't think there is any real answer to this question. Perhaps I needed to vent?
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| 8/25/2011 6:22:57 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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debi1964
Riverhead, NY
age: 47
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Obviously you havÉ trust issues. IF the guy is being patient, then why are you wondering what to do? GO FOR IT! Or your gonna dye and old lonely woman. J/s. 
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| 8/25/2011 6:26:16 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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afrosirene
Brooklyn, NY
age: 34
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He asked me to be his girlfriend and, as much as I want to, I can't say yes. I haven't said anything and he's not pushing me. I am terrified that I'm setting myself up to be devastated
What's holding you back?
1. Possible rejection in the future?
2. No chase involved?
3. Insecurities?
4. Bad Timing?
He deserves better than what I'm offering, or not, at the moment. Why can't I just accept that I have a great guy interested in me?
We can't answer that for you....
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| 8/25/2011 6:26:49 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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zari_boo
Leeds, NY
age: 31
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I don't trust myself. He hasn't done anything to make me not trust him. I guess I just needed to lay it out.
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| 8/25/2011 6:29:34 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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rubberbanman
Sherman, TX
age: 38
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I have been talking to a really nice guy for a little while now. He and I get along great, I feel comfortable talking to him, even about really difficult things from my past, and I like to think things are going well.
He asked me to be his girlfriend and, as much as I want to, I can't say yes. I haven't said anything and he's not pushing me. I am terrified that I'm setting myself up to be devastated and I did tell him this and he's being incredibly patient and compassionate.
He deserves better than what I'm offering, or not, at the moment. Why can't I just accept that I have a great guy interested in me?
Comment if you will. I don't think there is any real answer to this question. Perhaps I needed to vent?
If he was a "bad boy",you wouldn't be hesistant and questioning things.
For one,apparently,this dude talks TOO MUCH. You're TOO comfortable with him,and believe it or not,YES,that can be a BAD thing.
Those "difficult" things in your past you discussed with him should NOT have been discussed. I'd bet anything you have more comfort towards him than ATTRACTION.
Are you guys dating,or still just talking? Well what I mean is,have you two "got it on" yet?
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| 8/25/2011 6:30:41 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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muscleman757
Belleville, IL
age: 39
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I really like the Ops profile and how she let it be known she found a good guy already... And she also have a good sense of humor. I think you should take your time with the whole gf/bf things until you are comfortable. You did say his is patient... So apparently he is comfortable with you making sure you are ready. So stop stressing about it and continue to enjoy each other. Saying someone is your bf/gf don't make them your bf/gf... It's your action and theirs that determine that...
P.S. I think once you are pass 25 years old the whole bf/gf thing seem childish... He want you to be his lady...
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| 8/25/2011 6:36:54 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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zari_boo
Leeds, NY
age: 31
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What's holding you back?
1. Possible rejection in the future?
2. No chase involved?
3. Insecurities?
4. Bad Timing?
1. I can handle a break up if things simply aren't working, as long as there mutual respect.
2. The "chase" doesn't turn me on. I find it exhausting.
3. Quite possibly. I don't trust my own judgement sometimes. The emotional rollercoaster of my last serious relationship did a number on me. I don't want that hanging over me, but it would be silly to ignore it if I haven't dealt with the issue.
4. That's possible, too. I've only starting dating again earlier this year. And I have met some winners. I don't think I'm holding those experiences against him...
I'm probably just over analyzing this. It's great at work, not so much with affairs of the heart.
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| 8/25/2011 6:51:01 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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fun2bchattin
Hedgesville, WV
age: 44
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Yes you are but better to know it. Just have fun. You will know when you are ready. Good luck.
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| 8/25/2011 6:52:27 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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zari_boo
Leeds, NY
age: 31
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If he was a "bad boy",you wouldn't be hesistant and questioning things.
For one,apparently,this dude talks TOO MUCH. You're TOO comfortable with him,and believe it or not,YES,that can be a BAD thing.
Those "difficult" things in your past you discussed with him should NOT have been discussed. I'd bet anything you have more comfort towards him than ATTRACTION.
Are you guys dating,or still just talking? Well what I mean is,have you two "got it on" yet?
Oh, no love, this man is smoking hot. I think the level of comfort I have with talking to him makes him all the more appealing to me. The relationship has been undefined and that might be why I was comfortable.
The "bad boy" is great for a fling, but I lose interest quickly. And i know what you mean by being too comfortable. I'm talking about the "I can tell him anything" comfort versus "we took baths together when we were 3" comfort.
And I don't care what he wants to call me, it might just be the difinition that is the issue.
Crap.
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| 8/25/2011 6:57:08 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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gjlover
Grand Junction, CO
age: 47
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Are you going to worry your self out of a relationship because of all the bad things that have not happened in it?
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| 8/25/2011 7:16:14 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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rubberbanman
Sherman, TX
age: 38
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Quote from zari_boo:Oh, no love, this man is smoking hot.
His physical appearance DOESN'T MATTER.
He's "smokin hot",a good person,patient,kind,understand,not pushy or overly-agressive,or in other words,he's what EVERY OTHER WOMEN HERE is begging and pleading to find,yet you,you're "not sure".
So apparently,his looks don't play a big part in you deciding to date him.
Quote from zari_boo:The relationship has been undefined and that might be why I was comfortable.
Now this....you might be onto something with this. Seems like everything was cool and fine UNTIL he wanted to define the "relationship".
Before you could come and go as you please,but if the term "boyfriend and girlfriend" is applied to the relationship,then you're commited,and that freedom you once had is gone.
To be honest with you,the GUY here,HE'S THE ONE who made some mistakes with you. You're just reacting to them.
Quote from zari_boo:And i know what you mean by being too comfortable. I'm talking about the "I can tell him anything" comfort versus "we took baths together when we were 3" comfort.
Uhh no,I don't think you do. The comfort I was talking about IS the "I can tell him anything" comfort. Again,his screw up,you're just reacting to it.
Quote from zari_boo:And I don't care what he wants to call me, it might just be the difinition that is the issue.
Yep,that's EXACTLY right.
This can be overcome,but HE'S THE ONE who needs to make changes in how he deals with you.
You're not doing anything wrong,you're just reacting to HIS mistakes,the same as any woman would do.
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| 8/25/2011 9:10:53 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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zari_boo
Leeds, NY
age: 31
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So he and I spoke a little while ago and I've decided to get over myself and commit. We're taking it slow and we'll see how it goes.
And Rubber said I liked the lack of definition because I could come and go as I please. Well, I could do that anytime, but I haven't been. My profile here states that I'm not looking for anything beyond friendship with anyone that messages me bacause I have someone I am interested in. I don't have the finesse and capacity for lying required to juggle multiple romantic relationships. I guess the lack of committment made me feel like I wasn't trapped in something that could go bad.
Whatever the reason, he and I are going to work through it. Thanks for the input, all!
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| 8/25/2011 10:18:50 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
age: 56
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As you said, you have been talking for a little while now...thats a bit too early for a strong commitment...why not just date monogamously and leave it as that.
In a sense that is boy/girl friends and not a full fledged relation.
Maybe thats all he meant, it takes some of the pressure off of calling it a LTR.
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| 8/25/2011 10:22:29 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
age: 56
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Hey, if you agreed to date monogamously...that is a commitment in its own right.
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| 8/25/2011 10:28:00 AM |
Maybe I'm second guessing myself? |
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veniteadoremus
Baton Rouge, LA
age: 26
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Good luck!!
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