| 5/1/2008 5:52:18 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43
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During our first spring BBQ last weekend I asked a guy why he had never married his partner. His reply was to the effect of, "it's just a piece of paper anyway". After some discussion his partner interjected and pointed out that she was a legal Canadian citizen and he was American. Neither wanted to give up citizenship of their home country but that they loved each other and had made the commitment to the other. I have a several friends in my immediate area who have lived with their significant other for 15 plus years but never married in the legal or religious concept. There are even several couples I know who have been life partners since high-school and they are over 60 years old now.
Now to qualify it a bit: I live in a tiny lil border town in NE WA, within a stones throw of 3 Canadian border crossings. The borders here are really insignificant as far as most of the people are concerned. It's basically just a minor hassle of the crossings, and we cross back and forth daily sometimes. There are people on both sides who live in one country but their kids go to school in the other. Mostly we don't see others based on an imaginary line across the terrain, but as another person in the community.
Anyway that conversation got me to thinking about it. In this day and age when it's actually as easy to get divorced as it is married, is it just a piece of paper?
If two people love each other and make the commitment to love, honor, and cherish one another between themselves, how important is the actual paper?
Now I know the idea brings into mind all kinds of legal and religious aspects, but how important are they really in the sanctity of a committed relationship? When so many times people go through the legal and religious ceremonies and null them with divorce at some future point, is the legal or religious marriage any more valid than the binding and commitment between two people?
Last but not least: Would you consider a life partner without going through the legal and religious ceremony?
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| 5/1/2008 6:14:55 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
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for me its just papper. it does and can not make you care for somone more and it seems it has made others care for someone less. or feel they have a claim. I do not have to have the papper but if the right person wanted it for a good reason, I would not have a prob with it.
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| 5/1/2008 6:30:42 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 45
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It's not worth the piece of paper in my opinion. I say that as someone who has been married and seen what happened once we had the "paper". Sorry but I won't be going down that road again.
[Edited 5/1/2008 9:25:40 AM]
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| 5/1/2008 6:46:12 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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muffycakes
Chanhassen, MN
age: 26
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Im young so perhaps you might think of me as naive or old fashioned but I always imagined marriage as an eternal sacred bond between two lovers (friends and soul mates). When and if I marry I intend to give it everything that I have, if by chance it fails then I doubt that I would ever go through it again. I can see why those who already had a failed marriage may believe that it is only a piece of paper nevertheless, I think that people should be patient before jumping into a marriage to begin with. For me, yes...the ceremony and paper matters. For me, its a recognition to the public or a statement to society that I am with the man that I will love forever. It something that I would want to share with the world.
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| 5/1/2008 6:54:37 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
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is not the act of just being with somone the same? to me if your to the point of wanting to live with someone for the rest of your life , they are the one you think of or about all the time. Everything you do all through the day is with that person in mind. even if its just to think she/he will laugh at me for this or not like it or what ever. thats is married, papper or not.
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| 5/1/2008 6:55:08 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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coppermare
Grady, AL
age: 48
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It is really a very complicated and frustrating issue for me. I don't care about the legal aspects of it but as for the relgious ones...YES it matters to me a great deal! I take a vow to God very very seriously, yet my ex husband is still alive and I divorced him soooooooooo therein lies my battle inside my own convictions.
They should make it harder to get married than get divorced. More people would think twice about getting married
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| 5/1/2008 7:15:10 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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muffycakes
Chanhassen, MN
age: 26
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good point copper, its far too easy to get married and so many are marrying far too young. Many times, but not always, people wind up in divorce later in life because we change and move apart over time. Dissolutionment of marriage can make people fearful of re-marriage. I think that seeing so many failed marriages can also cause people to be wary of marriage. I think that its fine for people to become content with the prospect of having a life partner rather than going through the legalities again. I judge no one who decides not to marry, to each his own.
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| 5/1/2008 7:28:07 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43
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I really don't know how I feel about it either way. I suppose that's the reason for the thread.
I have had similar discussions with friends in the past. Biblically speaking a marriage consists of the vows and commitment of a man and woman and their God. The "wedding vows" as we know and so often hear don't even exist in the bible, not to mention the fact that at the time the various books of the bible were written, there were no legalities pertaining to marriage. Divorce is a whole other topic as far as the bible is concerned.
But the topic spans much further than religion and Christianity since there are many beliefs and cultures.
Some states have what they call "common law marriages" but I can't find any that include international relationships. Which is interesting because in Washington state a couple is considered married if they live together more than 90 days, but Canada doesn't recognize it as a binding union.
But the couples I know who consider themselves married are committed to each other and live totally monogamous lives together. Simply because they have chosen to make/take their vows between themselves instead of a legally sanctioned marriage doesn't lesson the sincerity or validity of the union does it?
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| 5/1/2008 7:42:21 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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coppermare
Grady, AL
age: 48
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Ken, I think it's the fact that your willing to stand before a preacher, and a group of people and "vow" to God that union. Like a confession, an oath I guess.
Common law is different from state to state. Each state has different laws that constitute a common law marriage. And I can think of one reason where the "legally" binding contract by man's law would be important. When children are involved and they have the right to be taken care of. Some parents have to have man's laws to be assured of doing the right thing ya know?
When I was 9 my father was killed on the job. He and my mother were divorced and he lived with another woman. WE had to go to court and she was able to prove common law marriage. Guess what? His children didnt get anything! I just don't think that is what he would have wanted if he had the choice to choose.
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| 5/1/2008 7:47:42 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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babebrook
Liberty, NY
age: 47
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As you all give exampels here it is one more: yes it daesn't matter to me 23 years ago when I left Europe to follow what I was thinking was my destiny.With time past by and life evolving us in business and property purchasing,and living thogether,my opinion on the pice of paper change,but jast for me ,not for him.It boter my father till he pass away,still boter my mom.We all chenge down the road and I did find out that the hard way.Legality of pice of paper have a lot of complications down the road.Don't get me wrong it is hard when you pure you life,love for that time to get in situation to depend on a pice of paper.
[Edited 5/1/2008 7:51:53 AM]
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| 5/1/2008 8:10:47 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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kenb5b01
Northport, WA
age: 43
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Okay... Don't get me wrong. Like I said before I honestly don't know how I feel either way so I'm not arguing it from either aspect.
But I can definitely see both sides of the fence also.
Certainly I believe that the blood children of a person should be given consideration over those through marriage, common law or under the umbrella of license. A person might divorce a spouse or partner but that should never be considered to have any kind of effect on children.
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| 5/1/2008 8:17:58 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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babebrook
Liberty, NY
age: 47
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Yes I agree with you 100% dispite I don't have any kids.
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| 5/1/2008 8:30:41 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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kgearly1021
Valdosta, GA
age: 48
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I have said many times I think marriage this day and time is disposable, to me after the first divorce the rest are--a half a day in court. I for one will probably never marry again, to me it is just not necessary. My religious convictions? Well we Judgment Day comes and we are all standing before The Man, everyone is going to have to answer for things they have done, that is one of the things I will answer for, and I am willing to take my chances.
But on the flip side of that same coin, my oldest Daughter and her fella have two children together, he is listed on their birth certificates as their Father and they have his last name, but if something were to happen to him, they wold not be able to draw his Social Security, because they are not married. So that is just one of the reasons that I will be the Mother-of-the-bride this month. They are getting married.
So, yes I have a double standard here, and Momma is not practicing what she preaches, because I am proud my two Sons are married and my oldest Daughter is getting married. I am however a little hesitant about my Baby daughter getting married, not sure of that boyfriend, but I have been married 4 times, so what do I know? Also my Parents have been married 55 years, and someone asked me one time, what if something happened to my Momma, and my Daddy got him another woman. I told them it is real simple, I WOULD PACK MY SHIT AND MOVE HOME! He MIGHT get him another woman, and she MIGHT try to live in my Momma's house, but she ain't gonna live there in peace.
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| 5/1/2008 9:22:05 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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classicsfan
Charlottetown, PE
age: 51
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It's so much an individual choice now. Each jurisdiction has different laws regarding common-law relationships and parental rights and responsibilities. So, the legal aspects are pone part and there may be some consequences there. If you are religious, then you may want to make a vow to your god, but only you can know that.
If a person is honest and respectful of their partner, the marriage license itself will not make any difference. Same thing if the person is dishonest.
[Edited 5/1/2008 9:23:27 AM]
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| 5/1/2008 9:29:36 AM |
Is it worth the paper or not? |
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worhtlesswisdom
Dade City, FL
age: 41
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The paper has nothing to do with it. The paper is just so your local, county, state, and federal government can know how to classify you in its population. In a religious ceremony, you are making a committment to GOD as a sacrament(like baptism, communion, confirmation, death) to uphold the commandments of GOD and the beliefs of the church. Two people can love each other and live together in happiness for years. But on the time of death, they are found to be living in mortal sin, for breaking one of the sacrements of GOD. Same thing when we keep people who are to die alive with a machine. Its a mortal sin to do so. Unless these people have asked for forgiveness through penance, depending on their other sins, they may not reach the kingdom of eternity.
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