Is it worth the paper or not? 16

5/1/2008 10:22:23 AM	Is it worth the paper or not?
kenb5b01 Northport, WA age: 43 online now!	Two people can love each other and live together in happiness for years. But on the time of death, they are found to be living in mortal sin, for breaking one of the sacrements of GOD. I reckon this is one of the issues that I really don't agree with or disagree with. In my own mind if I have made a commitment to somebody and they have to me, and both of us vow our lives to each other and to our God I don't believe it would be wrong or in sin. I also have never placed much stock in the laws of man in regards to what is right and wrong. Abortion is legal in some circumstances but that doesn't mean it is necessarily right, the same applies to the death penalty and many other issues. On the same token, there are many laws governing many countries and many different religious beliefs, it certainly isn't my place to decide which is right, only which is right for myself. What I find peculiar in this topic is the age gap in ideas and the double standards. I'm not being judgmental at all, it's merely an observation that those who have been married previously tend to lean toward the idea that it's just a scrap of paper, while the younger people who have never married still seem to hold more romance in the idea of the certificate and the sanctity it is supposed to represent.
5/1/2008 2:18:05 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
daddyduck Splendora, TX age: 54 online now!	OK whoever hasn't read their whole bible, where does it say you have to have a piece of paper and pay the government to make a marriage? Does it or does it not say you should not be unevenly yoked. If youre gonna quote the bible at least read it and not just find one passage and try to make it fit. That little show of affedtion and the paperwork are all man made. And catch you spouse cheating and see how that paper holds up in court. Get over thy self
5/1/2008 2:39:13 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
speedydonut Amarillo, TX age: 57	As someone who waited 17 years between husbands one and two, and has now been a lady-in-waiting for 7 1/2 years, I'd have to say, "Enough with the name changes. If we love each other and are willing to commit to each other, that's sufficient." I guess if it was extremely important to my (as yet mythical) significant other, I'd consider doing it a third time, but it would pretty much have to be a deal-breaker to be serious enough. The piece of paper and the public proclamation weren't enough to keep me in the first marriage, or my husband in the second, so what's the point? JMO, of course.
5/2/2008 5:19:18 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
sitkarains Sitka, AK age: 47	Kenb Excellent post and questions, I have read each one of the posts here and I am really amazed at how insightful everyone is. Before I respond to the topic on hand I want to make a couple comments to some posters here. Copper They should make it harder to get married than get divorced. More people would think twice about getting married.. This speaks volumes in truth. I know in my last marriage if I would have had to jump thru some hoops I would never have married him. Which would have kept me from a lot of heartache in the long run; I also read about what happened to you and your family. That is horrible, I am sorry to hear that you had to go thru that. Another poster made a comment about basically burning in hell for sinning. Well as Daddy pointed out. Before you say someone will burn in hell for that sin. You might want to restudy your bible. Old and New Testament since it is repeatedly stated God looks upon Sin the same Sin is Sin. There is not difference. We mankind put the difference on it. And it also states several times we sin each day in my opinion enough said on that. KG Made an excellent point, without that piece of paper her grandchildren aren’t protected. Good reason for the legalities of marriage. In this day and age when it's actually as easy to get divorced as it is married, is it just a piece of paper? Well to me personally I will do a hand fast for a year and a day, before I ever decide to do a marriage again. I do want marriage eventually for many reasons: My personal religious convictions and as an example for my children and grandchildren as I try to teach by example when I can To me the piece of paper does nothing but protect him and me as a legal couple at the time of death. I would also insist on a pre-nup (sorry whole other topic). I also would want the public affirmation statement shouting to the world that we are a married couple. It would tie up many loose ends for either one of us. Signing, banking, the list is endless. So from that aspect I want it for legal reasons. Does the little piece of paper mean anything between my partner and me not really, since before I would ever enter into the thought of marriage again? There would be a whole lot of relationship counseling going on. There would be time; by the time we ever got to the marriage part we would be committed. Would you consider a life partner without going through the legal and religious ceremony? I would if there was an agreement at a certain time if we were still together there would be marriage in the end. Last but not least I know in the state of Ak many couples have lived under the common law marriage. Then there was a big stink back in the early 90’s about it and it was declared null and void. I don’t remember all the particulars. I do know in 01 a person. Brought a court case against a common law and won. Sorry for the book folks. Blame it on Kenb. for such a great topic
5/2/2008 11:40:58 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
katrina_sq Mena, AR age: 39	I think it depends on the individuals involved and their religious beliefs more than anything else. I know when I married, I had no doubt I would grow old with him. I took the vows very seriously, so much so that I tried to make an empty marriage work for 7 long years. I don't think the "Paper" mad me feel any differently about him, but I sure was proud to be married. And I was happy to take his name. I stayed so long because my vows meant so much to me, and I still was in love with him. I don't know if I would have left earlier if we had never married. Maybe. We can play "what if" games forever and not reach any conclusions. Do I want to get married again? Maybe. Probably. I was raised that sex outside marriage was a sin, and there is no way I'd want to be in a relationship for 40 years either not having sex or feeling guilty about having sex with him. I think either would cause resentment and the relationship would be doomed. Doomed! I think marriage should make a couple feel more secure, that you are proud to be with each other not only in the eyes of outsiders, but especially in one another's eyes. There is something special and fulfilling for some people about saying vows in front of God and others and being married. I think I am one of those people. I definitely not go into a relationship, agree to get married, and feel that "oh well, if it doesn't work out, divorce isn't so bad." If I get married, it will be because I am confident that this person wants to spend his life with me as much as I do with him. I will take it as seriously as the first time. Plus there are the issues already mentioned - social security,life insurance, health insurance, pensions, tax deductions, etc. to consider. And I'm with Sitka-prenup. Not because it probably won't work out, but because kids need to be taken care of. It's also security that the person is only marrying you for you. If there is no adjenda, why would there be a problem? Oh well, to each his own.
5/3/2008 12:11:00 AM	Is it worth the paper or not?
bry11ca Wappingers Falls, NY age: 43	I meet people all the time in my business who have developed the skills but have never completed a degree. Why? they ask? Because someday you will face someone who has one I say. Why declare you relationship officially . . . . lawyers, I say. That's right. Trust me. I have been through many a law suit. No paper, no promise, no prenup, . . . . no guarantee. Also, there is nobility in a public declaration of your devotion to each other. Otherwise it's like half-assing a contract in business . . . . so your kids ask . . . are you married? No, we're not that serious . . . we're keeping our options open kids. Married or single. Life partners? Let me put it in different terms White or Black. Gray? JMHO, but if you know me you know that I am a man of principle. Bry [Edited 5/3/2008 12:11:23 AM]
5/3/2008 11:09:21 AM	Is it worth the paper or not?
kenb5b01 Northport, WA age: 43 online now!	And I'm with Sitka-prenup. Not because it probably won't work out, but because kids need to be taken care of. It's also security that the person is only marrying you for you. If there is no adjenda, why would there be a problem? Oh well, to each his own. Okay like I have said before in this thread, I'm not really sure how I feel about the whole married/ legally married/ common law issue. I have my own ideas but I'm not sure any of them would or would not be deal breakers for me. However I am certain how I feel about prenuptial agreements. If I am considering a long term relationship and somebody asks for a prenup, it is definitely a deal breaker. Because there are always agendas in marriage. If I am to be married my agenda is built on the foundation of complete trust and honesty and with the agenda that it is final and there is no going back across the bridge. Marriage is a lifetime commitment of 50/50 partnership. A prenup undermines the integrity of trust and honesty, in that it makes it "easier" to divorce. Nothing ventured, nothing lost right? To me it is too close to being married but still being single.
5/3/2008 3:44:26 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
chopperbabe Selah, WA age: 47	Without a piece of paper then either can leave at any time without notice. Sort of like a temporary situation ... roommates. Bascially roommates with benefits. If a man isn't willing to marriage, the ultimate commitment, then I'm just a temporary woman until someone better comes along.
5/3/2008 3:45:49 PM	Is it worth the paper or not?
bonsaijoe Vero Beach, FL age: 40	papers only good at the end half at least she thought

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