I was reading a local newspaper today, and it has an article related to love, and my favorite part said, "Relationships require some formal training or at least some sort of degree. I recommend abnormal psychology." I have a psychology degree and I still don't understand relationships. I have had some really great relationship and a lot of my friends are guys, but understanding men will always be a mystery to me and for men, Kenny Chesney said it best, "Girls were a mystery that we never could explain, I guess some thing ain't never gonna change"

So, how do two mysteries find a common ground to make a connection. In this world of internet dating, and self-help dating advice books, relationship coaches, and the vast amount of male role models on how to pick-up chicks, get your freak on and forget them. It is hard to find a good relationship.

My last relationship was short and barely existed. He read every type of book on dating and relationships and knew all of the pick-up gurus personally. They taught him how to smooth talk a lady and tell her whatever she wants to hear. But no one ever explained to him that if for several weeks, you stretch the truth, make ommissions and play the game these gurus taught you to capture any woman, that she really believes you care. These relationship guys like Ross Jefferies and David DeAngelo teach men to pick up women by seeing themselves as superior and to see women like dogs. You just have to plant an idea in her head and she'll eventually do your tricks for you.

This guy starts out with a simple line, and he's probably used it so many times on several dating sites. "I saw your picture/Profile and I got this feeling we should talk." Implanting a strong pyschological connection right there. I don't believe in the short-term relationship. I'm in it for something more. Appealing to the woman's sense of security and wanting stability. So this goes on for weeks and weeks, and then after all of his, you are so wonderful, I am so lucky to be with a girl like you, I am the luckiest guy in the world, he pulls a 360 and says so long. He tells me, he needs space and likes another girl, tells the other girl, it's his health, and tells yet another girl, that she moved away and they both decided to end it happily. (He has learned to catch the girls, but has not learned what to do with them when they fall for him)

Now I am not mad at him, as he is curious and seems to genuinely meet a nice girl, who he can relate to, but all these nut jobs with their seminars, do not address the one thing they should. How do you go from the telling the girl all the right things, so you can score, to building a healthy relationship. I can only use the information from the best relationship, I ever had.

Talk to each other, and be honest about your feelings. Don't keep back, because you are scared or think the other person won't understand. If they care about you, they will value your thoughts, opinions, and output. Don't try to over think everything and let things fester, talk to the one you care about and settle things before they get out of porportion.

Don't give up on your whole relationship after one little spat or fight. Some people throw a perfectly good relationship away due to something little, because the urge is to resist making up after a fight, No one wants to be wrong or swallow their pride and apologize and it is hard to forgive. So part of us, wants to make up because we have strong feelings for that person and the other part of us fights every urge to talk things out, and another good relationship goes down the flusher.

Relationships are hard because women will find a guy who seems almost perfect and try to change him to what she wants him to be. I try to find a guy who makes me laugh and let's me be myself. That is what made Bob so special. Sure he fed me all the lines, but he also let me, be the spur of the moment girl, who was trying to forget a lot of the pain and misery in her life. These gurus say women are like dogs, well let them think that, but maybe you should start seeing men the same way as you see your cats. Men don't like to change. They want to be loved for who they are. They do want unconditional love and support, but not to be crowded. They want to be treated with love and respect. To know that we will be there for them in their time of need. I know that when Bob was sick, I wanted to be the one to take care of him and to support him. When he was scared that he was really sick, I put my fears aside and listened to his worries.

These gurus never teach how we can live together. The man, who is physically strong, yet scared to show his emotions, and the woman, who is emotionally strong and sometimes shows those emotions too much. Can we really be happy when women are listening to guys like Christian Carter, who says a failed relationship is usually the fault of the woman, and the men who are listening to Jeffries and DeAngelo, who say you can have any woman you want, anytime. No one says that a relationship is work. They don't come easily.

Two people learn to work together, learn together, live together and love together to build a strong foundation to build their relationship. They do it by talking things out, settling differences, compromises and teamwork. Relationships aren't easy and we have to learn not to give up on them and to make them work.

Would I date Bob again? I love him yes! But he is not ready for a relationship or to be loved yet. He seems to want something more in his life, which is a normal reaction, no one wants to be alone, but it also seems like he is scared to let go and loose himself in a that thing called a relationship. This week I have had many reasons to be sad and hurt, and loosing him was just another reason, but I wish him well. I will always be a little more jaded from this experience, because he did break my heart, but looking back on the relationship, I know that I lost a good friend. I lost someone that made me forget the things that hurt my heart, so much I moved 2000 miles from home. I miss having someone to talk to about serious issues and silly ones. I hope he finds what he is looking for and that he learns to let go and take the plunge of loosing himself by accepting someone else into his heart.