| 11/9/2007 8:20:52 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
age: 58
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Now I know most of you have had a little longer to adjust to this than I have but I was wondering what was the hardest thing for you to get used to doing on your own. I have always been on the independent side but the little things that I always relied on my late husband to do keeps creeping up. Have to realize--ooops--this is something you better take care of! Here's a few for me:
shopping and cooking--he always did this
taking care of yard by myself
servicing the car
bringing in the wood for the fireplace
repairs around the house--although I did most of this before
winterizing the house
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| 11/9/2007 10:28:18 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
age: 60
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Hi Butterfly- yes EVERYTHING on your list except the wood for the fireplace.
Have to add traveling, Going to Florida in Winter was very hard the first year without my husband... we chose to get married in March so we could take a trip to warmer weather for our anniversary celebration... so, I've changed the month to February this year and last year I waited until April.
Traveled alone before we were married, so it's not the actual travel.
Second thing to add is the computer. That was his field... I've had two crashes and lost a lot of documents.
Then there's the snow blowing here in the Winter. Sometimes my neighbors will help with that.
Yes, miss my buddy.
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| 11/9/2007 10:46:16 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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cottagebithec
Utica, NY
age: 60
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Want to add for the newly widowed.
The first time I went into a department store and passed the men's department, it was overwhelming. Stayed away from that for a long time... couldn't even shop for my sons' gifts.
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| 11/9/2007 2:14:19 PM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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lotsafuninpa
Tioga, PA
age: 66 online now!
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One of the hardest for me was making decisions w/o him.
Also just being home alone,going to bed alone, having him to wash my back--lol.  :
Clean the car,do all the yard work myself now,shoppingn getting things fixed that need it.
Yes, I surely do miss him----hugsssssss--Pat.
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| 11/15/2007 1:38:28 PM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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cafe4two
Augusta, GA
age: 69
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We ate out quiet a bit. It was hard and I fell apart when I first went out to breakfast at one of our local restaurants - when the girl asked,"You by yourself? Where's your husband this morning?" That happened at about 3 places and then I purposely went out to almost every restaurant we frequented to 'get it over with'. It's lonely not holding hands across the breakfast table and 'sharing' your husband's bacon. I never ordered it and he did. We shared so we wouldn't overdo the cholestrol! My son and his wife still will not go out to a holiday buffet at three of the places we usually spent our holiday meals (we seldom cooked big meals at home). My children and myself now go to a new place altogether; one they chose and none 'the family' had ever gone to.
Although not as often in, his late 70's, we still enjoyed the shower for two and I loved the back-scrub. He would cook special meals for me when I'd get hungry for something from my childhood. He was a terrific cook. I want to attempt making his "candied popcorn" and perfect it so some day I can make it for my grandchild.
I miss leaning against his chest with his arms around me when I have a headache. His holding me close just made everything seem much better. I miss his touch, his kiss, his beautiful eyes, my closest and best friend, and lover. I can still feel his kiss - his soft and gentle lips against mine; times he'd reach over and hold my hand while we watch television. It's the little things that make two people a couple that we miss most. He spoiled me and I loved it; everything wonderful and our travels throughout the world, we shared or did together. Sharing the joys made them more fantastic. As long as you have the wonderful memories of your life together, he'll remain alive in your heart.
It's going on three years and I'm ready to move forward with whatever life holds in store. I would love to meet another special gentleman and fall in love, share the joys of our lives. The unknown is scary but I'd rather think of it as an upcoming adventure... new friendships, new interests, etc.
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| 11/15/2007 3:13:13 PM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
age: 58
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Oh "cafe"---reading your post was like reading my thoughts of my late husband except you were braver than I. I still don't go anywhere that we went together. Our yard was his thing. He loved to plant flowers that he thought I would enjoy and I just couldn't get myself out there this year to take care of them. It's the worst the yard has ever looked.
I've had people here say that I compare the guys on here all the time to my late husband and that's just not so!!! He is in a class all his own and there's no comparsion to anyone.
You just have to cope anyway you can and know that they would want you to be happy with the rest of your life.
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| 11/16/2007 6:13:34 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
age: 61
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Getting through the holidays. Hubby #1 died on Christmas Eve 1994. Met and married #2 December 30,1995 and he died December 28, 2004. Decembers are very hard and we are fast approaching !
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| 11/21/2007 5:31:12 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
age: 58
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Yes I'm going to have to agree. The Holidays are going to be hard if not the hardest to handle. Frank's family did their thing and mine did theirs but we didn't care because we always had our own little celebrations.
On Thanksgiving he wouldn't eat chicken or turkey so we would go out and have a big steak instead. Christmas we shared together with our love for seafood--had shrimp, fried oysters,lobster,scallops. On New Years Eve we went to the casinos and gambled and stayed at the hotel there.
This year ALL new traditions!!!!!
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| 11/22/2007 8:36:01 PM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
age: 61
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Hey, cafe, here did you go? Looked up your profile only to find it gone ! I saw you were from Augusta and I live right across the river. Thought we could get together and share our thoughts. I actually have a friend you might be interested in.
[Edited 11/22/2007 8:37:05 PM]
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| 11/23/2007 11:53:53 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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noackrite
Crestview, FL
age: 37
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my wife died july,22nd 2007. I buried her on the 26th.my birthday was the 27th. she would have turned 40 on august 2nd. august 4th made one year in the house we had built. sept.7th was our wedding anniversary.having to take her name off the checking acct.,car ins.,household bills,ect.ect.ect.. it felt like i was removing her from my life one thing at a time.i still cry (alot) about it.i cried this morning .she loved wal-mart, I hate going there now.the little thing that didn't mean anything before now have overwhelming meaning now. here come the holidays..damn...tissue please...thanks
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| 11/24/2007 2:01:53 PM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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butterfly58
Arcadia, MO
age: 58
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Oh "noackrite" I just keep thinking if I can just get through this first year that I will be fine. And these Holidays are a bummer for sure!!! I feel for you man!!
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| 11/25/2007 4:46:58 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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widowman
Cleveland, GA
age: 43
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Hey I can relate to all of you although it still hurts and it has been a couple years for me. We were best of friends and enjoyed doing things for one another. We seemed to have life by the horns and everything was going well then one day poof!!! your whole world turns upside down. You try to be strong for the kids so you go take a long shower ad you let it all out. I found immediately how many little things she did that I did not have to worry about. She was a wonderfull woman and now that I have to deal with everything I often wonder how she did all, the little things I never paid attention to and the obvious bigger things. The holidays are always hard since she always made them what they were with her great personality and smile that lite up the room.
Well enough therapy for now I have not talked about this much to anyone and held it all in so it feels good to let it out some.
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| 11/25/2007 11:16:05 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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winesong
Bend, OR
age: 60
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Putting up the Christmas Tree and decorations are very meaningful, and yet sorrowful. You look at an ornament, or decorative item and think back, *ah yes..I remember when..we were in (SFO)* for example, and then I relive the trip...the life and the memories. We often traveled for warm weather Christmas vacations...I yearn to go to a warm climate now for the same benefit. It soothes the soul, and avoids the cold snow!
Last year I did not put up a tree until my housekeeper insisted that WE should do it a day or two before Christmas. It was difficult, and I am apprehensive today about if and when I can put the tree up this year.
I am glad Thanksgiving has come and gone...that was easier than Christmas Week will be.
Hugs to all, together perhaps we can be supporative and carry the torch of light to a brighter future.
Karen
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| 11/26/2007 6:04:31 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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61sunshine
North Augusta, SC
age: 61
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Christmas is the hardest time of the year for me as hubby #1 died on Christmas Eve and #2 on Dec 28. (Our 9th anniversary would have been the 30th.) This is coming up on 3 years now. Some of the changes I have made was getting rid of the 7 foot tree and down sizing to a 4 foot. Made it an angel tree in memory of the 2 wonderful guys I have had in my life.
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| 11/26/2007 10:17:25 AM |
Hardest thing to do alone |
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libraryliz
Martinsville, VA
age: 57
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Yes, December is not a good month for me either. December 3rd is fast approaching. Thank goodness I am working that day.
Hardest thing to do is go to a movie. I just don't want to go by myself. I still don't go to places that were our favorites.
Yes it is hard. I drove my car and cried. Didn't have a shower.
Taking it one day at time. Will decorate for the holidays-just a little bit. this year. Liz
[Edited 11/26/2007 10:18:34 AM]
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