Waiting---joke of the day

5/15/2010 6:00:07 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	there were three moles in a molehole-mama,papa and baby. mama went to the top of the hole and said"Mmmm i smell bacon and eggs" papa went to the top of the hole and said "Mmmm i smell pancakes." then baby mole at the bottem of the hole said"Mmmmm i smell molasses. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
5/15/2010 6:23:33 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	There"s more money being spent on breast implants and viagra today than alzheimers research this means that by 2040 there will be a large elderly population with perky breast and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
5/16/2010 6:35:24 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	two cowboys rode into town and dismounted. one of them walked around his horse,lifted his tail and kissed his butt. the other one said,"what did you do that fer?" i have chapped lips. "does it help?" no but it sure keeps me from licking my lips any more
5/16/2010 4:39:45 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	need to get a few more jokes coming through here
5/16/2010 4:52:56 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
davids07 Panama City, FL age: 53	It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?" he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this: I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
5/16/2010 5:07:51 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
davids07 Panama City, FL age: 53	A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it. They were both very much in favor of it The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50% The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerable, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
5/16/2010 5:51:45 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	Things you dont want to hear during your flight 1 are there any pilots on board? 2 well, is there anybody on board that would like to try to fly? 3 "please" assume the crash position 4 dont be alarmed at the little red trucks down on the ground spreadimg foam on the runway. our landing gear is stuck but this plane is built to withstand a belly landing 5 this has beem a recording
5/17/2010 5:45:22 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	5-REASONS IT'S A BUMMER TO BE AN EGG {1} YOU ONLY GET LAID once {2} YOU ONLY GET EATEN ONCE {3} IT TAKES 7 MINUTES TO GET HARD {4} YOU COME IN A BOX WITH 11 OTHER GUYS {5} THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL BE ON TOP OF YOU IS YOUR MOTHER [Edited 5/17/2010 5:45:45 AM ]
5/17/2010 4:28:57 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	junior plays a trick on his mom and dad. he replaces his dads hunting bullets with his moms suppositories the dad comes from his hunting trip empty handed the mom say's "hey,I was luckier than you I just bent over to pass gas and I killed the cat
5/18/2010 1:29:41 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR one PAYDAY M'r GOODBAR wanted a BIT OF HONEY so he took MISS HERSHEY behind the POWERHOUSE,on the corner of FIFTH AVENUE and CLARK. he began to feel her MOUNDS with his BUTTERFINGERS. that was pure ALMOND JOY,it made her TOOTSIE ROLL and he let out a SNICKER and she screamed O HENRY while squeezing his PETER PAUL .Miss HERSHEY said "you are better than the THREE MUSKETEERS. soon she was a bit CHUNKY and nine months later had a healthy BABY RUTH
5/20/2010 3:59:02 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
davids07 Panama City, FL age: 53	Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
5/20/2010 4:06:49 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
davids07 Panama City, FL age: 53	9 WORDS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever"). (8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*cK YOU! (9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
5/21/2010 11:22:03 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	The Smith family joined the local nudist camp and took little johnny for a weekend of sun and fun.Little johnny noticed the men were not all the same size and asked his dad about it.Mr Smith told little johnny that was the way to tell how rich a man was...by his size! Johnny was satisfied with that explanation.Mr Smith spotted a coke machine across the camp and went to get everyone a drink.Returning with cokes,he saw that his wife had disappeared.Dad asked little johnny where she was and was given this reply "Areal poor man came up and started talking to mama and the more they talked the richer that man got.He got super rich and mama followed him behind those bushes
5/21/2010 5:47:03 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
amazingpatience Port Richey, FL age: 48	i got a call from a local chairity asking me to donate clothes for all the starving people in africa, i responded if they fit in my clothes " THEY AIN'T STARVING"
6/3/2010 1:10:13 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	What is the difference between a poodle humping you'r leg and a pit bull humping you'r leg You Let The Pit Bull Finish
6/3/2010 1:12:34 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	How do you get a bunch of little old church ladies to yell damn at the same time holler BINGO
6/3/2010 1:57:28 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
nsearchov Panama City, FL age: 36	One morning in the office, a man mentions to a coworker that her hair smells nice today. The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into her supervisors office, and declares loudly that shes quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit. "Come on," says the supervisor. "Whats wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice?" "Hes a midget!"
6/3/2010 2:48:16 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	A man was hired to take a census on types of birth control. As he was walking through the park he came upon a tall lady and a midget holding hands He asked them what they used for birth control The lady responded,The saucer and bucket method The man asked "how does that work?" The lady replies,My boyfriend likes to do it standing up,so I lay on the edge of the bed and he stands on a bucket.When his eyes get as big as saucers I kick the bucket
6/3/2010 4:08:55 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	Greetings everyone. New to the site and I just couldn't resist... Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
6/3/2010 4:17:42 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following: Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. As long-time friend, Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.
6/9/2010 9:52:24 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	A little boy wanted $100.00 real bad. He prayed for two weeks,but nothing happened. So he wrote god a letter asking for the $100.00 When the postal authorities recieved the letter to GOD USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so touched,and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $5.oo The president thought this would appear a lot of money to a little boy The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and decided to write god a thank you letter,which read, Dear God,thank you very much for sending me the money, however,I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington and as usual those bastards took 95 percent [Edited 6/9/2010 9:53:07 AM ]
6/11/2010 9:00:59 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
kyghost Ponce de Leon, FL age: 62	you called that one dead on
6/11/2010 9:24:25 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
ladie_draco Daytona Beach, FL age: 45	A little known fact.... The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
6/11/2010 9:28:08 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
wanna_dance Boca Raton, FL age: 66	Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.' Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on. A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.' 'Who is it', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?' 'Barb -- it's me, Rose.' 'You're not Rose. Rose just died.' 'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice. 'Rose! Where are you?' 'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.' 'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb. 'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?' 'You're pitching Tuesday.'
6/11/2010 11:02:19 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	TEN TOP REASONS TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX 10.You'r guarenteed to get a little something in the sack. 09.If you get tired,wait ten minutes and go again. 08.The uglier you look ,the easier it is to get some. 07.You don't have to compliment the person that gives it to you. 06.Person your with doesn't have to fantasize you'r someone else. 05.If you get a stomach ache it won't last nine months. 94.If you wear a batman mask no one thinks your kinky. 03.Doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 02.Less guilt the next morning. And the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex 01.If you don't get what you want,you can always go next door.
6/11/2010 5:00:54 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
ariotofcolor Lakeland, FL age: 40	LMAO ^^^^^^
6/11/2010 5:35:57 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50	^^^ She laughs at anything.
6/11/2010 6:43:49 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	You laughed to, don't deny it
6/11/2010 7:05:15 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good.. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that. 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? ' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted
6/11/2010 7:16:12 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50
6/11/2010 7:38:48 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
mattthekoolkat Fort Lauderdale, FL age: 20	What do you call a blonde with her head in the freezer? A Frosted Flake
6/13/2010 8:26:29 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
kyghost Ponce de Leon, FL age: 62	:some men ???maybe not all,are still having trouble remembering which head they are supposed to be thinking with.The maybe not all is still debatable.
6/13/2010 8:27:46 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
kyghost Ponce de Leon, FL age: 62	Quote from kyghost: :some men ???maybe not all,are still having trouble remembering which head they are supposed to be thinking with.The maybe not all is still debatable.
6/13/2010 11:44:43 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
purian West Palm Beach, FL age: 51	Funny joke...
6/13/2010 7:53:02 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
wanna_dance Boca Raton, FL age: 66	80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
6/13/2010 8:08:53 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	Two boys are sitting in the living room watching TV with their parents. The mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward the upstairs. The father gets the message and they both get up and head toward the stairs. The mother turns back to the boys and say's "we're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV and we'll be right back". The boys say OK and the parents take off. The oldest boy knows what is going on and tells his little brother to follow him quietly upstairs. Halfway up the older brother turns to his younger brother and says, "Now I want you to keep in mind,this is the same woman that used to bust our ass for sucking our thumbs"
6/14/2010 8:01:06 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
driveteach Seminole, FL age: 61	At the store A blonde walks into an electronics store and sees a TV she wants. She asks the employee how much it costs but he answers “I’m sorry, but we dont sell TV’s to dumb blondes”. Frusterated, she leaves, and returns an hour later disguised as a red head. -”May I please know the price for that TV?” -”No, I’m sorry, but we dont sell TV’s to dumb blondes” Even more frusterated by the fact that he saw through her disguise, she left in a huff only to return another hour later with black hair instead. -”Sir, would you please tell me the price of that TV?” -”No, I keep telling you, I dont sell TV’s to dumb blondes!” The blonde couldnt take it anymore. ” Can’t you see my hair? Its not blonde its black! How do you keep finding out I’m blonde?” “Because ma’am, thats not a TV. Its a microwave.”
6/14/2010 10:49:00 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50	To all three above ---------->
6/14/2010 11:50:02 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
driveteach Seminole, FL age: 61	Brunette. Blonde, and a redhead...all at the gynecologist s office Brunette is all smiles...redhead asks why she is so happy? Brunette says, "Doc told me that when the man is on top during conception, I'll have a baby boy!" WOW, says the redhead...why...that means I'm gonna have a girl baby, since I was on top when it happened! The blonde started crying. When asked what was wrong, she replied, "WAHHHH. I'm gonna have puppies!"
6/14/2010 12:03:15 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately.." Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip. "And by the way, "the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
6/14/2010 12:05:59 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
i_am_bill_ Astatula, FL age: 51	Okay, the last one made me chuckle.
6/15/2010 5:18:33 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
exclusive2010 Orlando, FL age: 24	Okay...So I get on a bus in Complexo do Alemao that will take me to Rio where I'll board a plane and begin my journey to America. I'm seated next to gentleman who appears to be straight out of a B-western flick. I'm concerned about my flight's departure and the very slow pace of the bus. I ask the man, could you please tell me the time? NO, is his only reply. No? I think to myself. No to a simple request pertaining to the time of day? I'll admit, a swift Brazilian temper run's through my blood as an act of self preservation in the slums of my homeland. But I keep my cool. Under my breath: Screw you and your cheap ass boot leg Timex, Cabron. Moments later he turns to me and states: Do you want to know why I forbid you the time of day? I'm "shushed" before I can respond and he tells me: If I were to give you the time, it would inevitably lead to a conversation. We would get acquainted, introduce ourselves, swap war stories. All of this he claims would lead to the opening of his flask of Tequila where as we would then sip. Our "sipping" he then claims would lead to my becoming drunk. I'd be "three sheets to the wind" he says. I'll forget my stop and end up clambering off with him. He tells me his son would be waiting for him at his stop and might very well fall in love with me. The bottom line he says is that he didn't want a daughter-in-law who couldn't afford a god damn wrist watch.
6/15/2010 5:30:49 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	It was late at night, and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year-old daughter, Katelyn. When Heidi started to go into labor she called 911. Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again!"
6/15/2010 6:37:28 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
shakey216 Lecanto, FL age: 57	OLD DOGS !! To my fellow old dogs... One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther! Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience. If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing about our AGE! Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more 'youthfully challenged'..
6/16/2010 3:40:41 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
ariotofcolor Lakeland, FL age: 40	A group of 3rd,4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers,went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes . As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.' 'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'
6/16/2010 4:13:32 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	Good one Melissa
6/16/2010 4:29:47 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50	I'm telling mom you told a dirty joke!!! [Edited 6/16/2010 4:30:05 PM ]
6/16/2010 4:31:33 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
ariotofcolor Lakeland, FL age: 40	Marion - Where do you think I got the joke from?? Thanks Steve! [Edited 6/16/2010 4:32:36 PM ]
6/16/2010 4:38:13 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
saraste Sarasota, FL age: 42	A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years and years they lived there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one." So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I wish I was home." POOF she is gone. The redhead makes her wish, "This place stinks, I wish I was home with my family also." POOF she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her, "My dear what is the matter?" The blonde replies, "I wish my friends were here."
6/16/2010 9:39:30 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
i_am_bill_ Astatula, FL age: 51	What did the sign on the door of the wh*rehouse say? Beat it, we're closed.
6/16/2010 10:01:54 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50
6/16/2010 10:03:47 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
i_am_bill_ Astatula, FL age: 51	nice
6/17/2010 11:33:49 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
whynotme57 Jacksonville, FL age: 53 online now!	Hillbilly phonics make a sentence with these words Hotel...I gave my girlfriend the crabs and the Hotel everybody. Rectum...I had two cadillacs and the old lady Rectum both. Forclose...If I pay alimony this month,I'll hane no money Forclose Income...Just got in bed with tyis hoe,and Income my wife. Penis...Went to the doctors,he gave me a cup and said Penis this. Odessy...He said,you Odessy the tits on that girl. Seldom...Got two tickets to the game and Seldom. Stain...Momma asked if I was Stain for dinner. Fortify...I asked her how much and she said Fortify
6/18/2010 2:23:22 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
shakey216 Lecanto, FL age: 57	HOW TO SELL... TOOTHBRUSHES The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog shit!" Then I would say,"It is dog shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?" "I used the governmental approach of giving you something shitty that they say is good and then making you pay to get the shitty taste out of your mouth."
6/18/2010 2:54:03 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
i_am_bill_ Astatula, FL age: 51	For those of us with short attention spans,,, What do you call a Fish without an eye? A Fsh What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? Dam. Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head? He thought he was a griller. Didn't get that? Read it again. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar sixty-nine and deer nuts are just under a buck. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. Okay,,,,,,resume long jokes. Bill
6/18/2010 3:11:04 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
gentlemanjim1 North Fort Myers, FL age: 61	A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. 'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. When I say BELL 2 I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3 We are going to make love all night. ' The next night he came home from work and yelled 'BELL 1!' The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled 'BELL 2!', the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled 'BELL 3!', they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled 'BELL 4!' 'What the hell is BELL 4?' asked the husband? ' ROLL OUT MORE HOSE,' she replied ' YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE '
6/18/2010 5:42:24 AM	Waiting---joke of the day
tom5888 Fort Walton Beach, FL age: 55	I heard they are changing the name of route I-10 (which runs along the gulf coast) to route I-10w 40
6/18/2010 5:47:03 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
shakey216 Lecanto, FL age: 57	Quote from tom5888: I heard they are changing the name of route I-10 (which runs along the gulf coast) to route I-10w 40 dude,,,,,,,,,,,now thats damm funny
6/18/2010 5:53:06 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
naughtical Winter Haven, FL age: 50	Never mind...I finally got it. [Edited 6/18/2010 5:53:54 PM ]
6/18/2010 5:54:25 PM	Waiting---joke of the day
ucfsweetnanny Cocoa, FL age: 49

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