| 5/31/2011 4:10:51 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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schumacher_m
Monroe, NE
34, joined May. 2011
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The only real marine is a submarine. US ARMY backwards Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 5/31/2011 5:17:19 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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mishalace
Kenosha, WI
38, joined Mar. 2011
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Hope we don't get flogged for this lol. Besides the above ones I only remember this one:
Q: Why does Navy have their names on their back pocket?
A: So the marines know what to call them.
Hope I remembered that right.
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| 5/31/2011 5:54:21 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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cherokeeloves
Stephens City, VA
48, joined Apr. 2010
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What do you call the flap on the crotch of Navy Dress Blues...A Marine's serving tray. That joke was told to me by Navy710.
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| 5/31/2011 6:10:30 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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navy710
Stephens City, VA
50, joined Jan. 2011
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A Marine and a Sailor both take a piss in the head. As the Sailor leaves he hears the Marine ask "Aren't you going to wash your hands?" The Sailor replies we know better than to piss on our hands.
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| 5/31/2011 7:22:54 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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xxjayxx45
El Campo, TX
70, joined May. 2011
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In reply to my brothers why I joined the Army (one was Navy, another Air Force btw).......After six months at sea, those Navy men wink at you when they salute. The Air Force said I couldnt get high unless flying in an aircraft. Didnt qualify for Marines cause my parents were married. So that left Army!!!!!!!!!!!!
(All above in jest I assure you, smile. Have highest respect for all branchs)
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| 5/31/2011 8:49:25 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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samigurl09
Wilmington, NC
24, joined Apr. 2011
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Marines stands for
My
Ass
Really
Is
Navy
Equipment
Sir!
Airforces g force training is spinning in a chair a few times  and there pt is a myth lol, my dad told me those but my family is full of sailors, marines, fly boys, soldiers, and even a coastie so I respect the other branches not just the amazing army lol 
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| 6/1/2011 8:58:38 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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twohawks
Bothell, WA
77, joined Feb. 2008
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U.S. ARMY = Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet!
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| 6/1/2011 9:13:56 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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jerseyguy39
Ocala, FL
44, joined Apr. 2011
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Uncle
Sam's
Misguided
Children
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| 6/1/2011 10:08:31 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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twohawks
Bothell, WA
77, joined Feb. 2008
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USMC = Uncle Sams Mountian Climbers.
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| 6/2/2011 3:14:37 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kenb5168
Williston, SC
41, joined Feb. 2011
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Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself
Master Chief walks out on deck,"I need two volunteers, you and you, come with me."
No how's about going and getting those batteries for the sound powered phones for me.
If it moves salute it otherwise paint it haze gray.
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| 6/2/2011 3:17:22 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kenb5168
Williston, SC
41, joined Feb. 2011
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My
Ass
Rides
In
Navy
Equipment
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| 7/6/2011 2:38:32 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kinkaju
Booneville, AR
69, joined Jun. 2011
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A Marine company is doubletiming on the beach. The company commander looks up on a sand dune and sees a navy man with his pants down (the squid is mooning the jarheads)he halts the company and tells the biggest leatherneck "go up there and kick that swabbies ass"
so the marine goes running up the dune and tackles the swabbie and they go rolling behind the sanddune. 5 min. later the swabbie is back on the top and flipping the bird.
so the C.C. gets pissed and bellows first platoon take that a**hole off that hill.
10 mins later and same thing swabbie is flipping them off again and calling them seagoing bellhops. now the company commander is burning up so its company get up there and get that swabjocky . well off they went 20 mins later one tore up gyreene comes back and tells the C.C." gunny those anchor clankers are cheating.... theres 2 of them up there.
dont get p.o. was told this joke by a master sargent from the 3rd marine div.
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| 7/20/2011 7:20:16 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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bronze77
Mukilteo, WA
65, joined Mar. 2011
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How does a sailor put on his underwear ?
YELLOW in front BROWN in back
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| 7/20/2011 7:39:26 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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shellfishguy
Storden, MN
68, joined Mar. 2009
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Bumper sticker seen a while back -
The Marines - Looking for a few good Men
handwritten underneath -
Navy Corpsmen!!
Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club '67-70
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| 7/20/2011 8:16:14 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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wickety
Savannah, GA
43, joined Mar. 2011
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My brothers wife (Navy) and one of her friends (Marine) were talking shit.
She said something to the affect of
"What does that Marine shit say? Oh! Department of the NAVY!"
He took a swig of beer and without missing a beat said
"The Mens department."
Made my day
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| 7/20/2011 9:01:11 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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camperpaul
Zion, IL
74, joined Mar. 2008
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Quote from kenb5168:
No how's about going and getting those batteries for the sound powered phones for me.
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While you're at it bring me 50 fathoms of waterline.
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Life is the journey, not the destination.
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| 7/21/2011 1:31:36 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kenb5168
Williston, SC
41, joined Feb. 2011
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[quoteheader]Quote from camperpaul:[/quoteheader][quote]Quote from kenb5168:
No how's about going and getting those batteries for the sound powered phones for me.
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While you're at it bring me 50 fathoms of waterline.
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Life is the journey, not the destination.
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[/quote]
and don't forget the key to the Bo'suns Chest
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| 7/21/2011 5:36:11 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kinkaju
Booneville, AR
69, joined Jun. 2011
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Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself
Master Chief walks out on deck,"I need two volunteers, you and you, come with me."
No how's about going and getting those batteries for the sound powered phones for me.
If it moves salute it otherwise paint it haze gray.
horizontal surfaces deck gray
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| 7/21/2011 10:11:36 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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bronze77
Mukilteo, WA
65, joined Mar. 2011
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I was a B-52 Crew Chief in U-Tapao Thailand 71-73 ( Linebacker II , Bullet Shot,& Arc Lite) and being in SAC ( Strategic Air Command ) we had a SAC Patch on out breast pocket.
We'd chant this :
SAC Crest upon my chest,
Makes me one of the Airforce best,
One B-52 I'll launch today
to save the a** of the Green Beret,
The bombs we drop we drop for fun
then we watch the people run,
Thur fire and steel,
Like ants they split,
Theirs or ours,
Who gives a shit
OR ( 10 / 15 guys in a step van going down the flight line yelling ):
Give a shit!
Give a shit !
Do I !
Do I !
F*** NO !
( My old plane # 668 in at Fairchild WA. AFB, MIG Killer 2 each !!! )I still Preflight it in my dreams. Nose dome to tail guns, left nav lite to right nav light I see it all like it was yesterday.
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| 7/26/2011 3:56:18 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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notlaw99
Tilton, NH
71, joined Sep. 2010
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The Way the Military Really Works
Each branch.
MILITARY RULES
US Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEALS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every thing living within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving with no sleep
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from “Higher HQ” execute mission
4. Curse Bitterly when mission aborted
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving with no sleep
US Army Rules:
1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Watch porn.
4. Deploy the Marines.
US Coast Guard Rules:
1. Try to determine if you are under the Department of the Navy or Department of Homeland Security under the current definitions as to whether we are at war or not.
2. Determine if today’s mission is search and rescue, drug interdiction, or courtesy safety inspections or buoy maintenance.
US Air Force Rules: (Life in the Puzzle Plaice)
1. Have a c*cktail at the O Club bar; see if some 2dLt wore his hat into the bar if so insist that he buy a round for the house.
2. Complain to the O-Club Bartender about the flat taste of the draft bear on tap.
3. See what's on HBO on the Bar TV.
4. Ask Marine Major setting nest to you "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen and Senators, invite DOD & defense industry executives (Belt Way Bandits).
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets, request contract proposals for maintenance support, training, systems engineering, reliability maintainability studies, implement a new special program office at Wright-Patterson to manage the asset, Hold periodic Program Manager Reviews attended by all using commands and prime contractor; implement weapon system utilization requirements into Joint Operation Planning and Execution System. Get lobbyist to pressure Approbations Committees when John Kerry attach a rider to a Medicare appropriation bill to kill the whole program. Prepare for Congressional inquiry as to why there are so many delays and cost overruns. Get supplementary funding appropriations when you loose control of your spare parts inventory. Get outside legal council for your own defense when GAO investigates regularizes in the bidding and contract award process.
8. Declare the asset "Strategic" and never deploy it operationally.
9. Hurry to make your 1345 tee-off time O Club golf course.
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| 7/27/2011 4:09:05 AM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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kenb5168
Williston, SC
41, joined Feb. 2011
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The Way the Military Really Works
Each branch.
MILITARY RULES
Navy SEALS Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every thing living within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror
Ghost with Green faces
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| 7/28/2011 1:23:03 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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gsxr_600_rider
Carrollton, TX
33, joined Jul. 2011
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What happens when you send a 100 Navy men to sea? A: they return as 50 couples. lol my 1sg told us that in Iraq. and im Army btw
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| 7/28/2011 2:45:01 PM |
Military jokes about all branches. |
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buke69
Maddock, ND
54, joined Dec. 2010
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What happens when you send a 100 Navy men to sea? A: they return as 50 couples. lol my 1sg told us that in Iraq. and im Army btw
ROTFLMAO
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