| 4/25/2008 10:30:28 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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cagneythecat
Santa Fe, TX
age: 52
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I guess I have to get used to crying every day for the rest of my life. emotions constantly in turmoil. So mad I could spit nails one minute the next wishing I could just touch him one more time. Feeling guilt about feeling the need to have someone to talk to or touch just to know they are there. I woke up once rubbing my cats back through the blanket. Dan's back wasn't hairy. And you know he might not have been the best looking man in the world (not like I am either) but Dan was the best father to 2 kids that werent his and he gave me my little brown eyed beauty, our other 2 were blond and blue eyes. I had to stop and blow my nose I feel really stupid writing all this but then it feels good.
He spoiled me in so many ways. And I don't want another Dan. There will never be another person like him. It scares me looking for someone. My son says someone will find me. He doesnt care too much for me doing this. 
But is it wrong?
It is just I dont cry as much when I am around other people. It is the evenings, the night time that really gets me and then I stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning and don't want to get up. It is just so strange to read that there are more of me's out there. I am not alone.
Kathy
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| 4/26/2008 4:34:25 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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aprilviolet
New Milford, CT
age: 59
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Dear Kathy
You are not doomed. You are dealing with a very difficult loss. It will take quite awhile to start feeling you can enjoy life again. There will always be a scar but you will heal. I have been widowed over seven years and I still have my sad days (sometimes I hug a pillow) but things do get better. Keep writing your thoughts. I have quite a few posts on this site. It is good to talk to someone and sometimes it is more comfortable to talk to strangers online then to talk to your friends especially if they have not gone through what you have. Keep reaching out to people on here and things will get better. I visit this site more often for the comfort of this group than I do to find a new male friend. There are some great people on here. Don't be afraid. We are here for you.
Aprilviolet
[Edited 4/26/2008 4:35:06 AM]
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| 4/26/2008 7:29:13 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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tdw10102
Cypress, TX
age: 47
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Kathy,
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it has been (is) for me so I can feel some of what your are going through. You are not doomed. You will find things that keep you busy and bring you some joy. You will continue to do things that you both loved together and that will bring good memories but not the joy you felt before.
I am sure it is someting we will never get over, but after 4 years, I am learing to get on.
Keep posting, this is a safe place to put your feelings and ask questions. I am sure there are many that are trying to find a new life (like you and I are) and will be glad to help.
Dean
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| 4/26/2008 9:37:56 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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twiggy0812
Summerville, GA
age: 52
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Hey Kathy. You are not alone. My husband died in June, 2006. We'd been togther for 16 years. A day never passes that I don't think of him. But rather than to feel sadness, I am thankful for the time we did have. I miss having someone in my life, and I don't feel guilty about it. Had he not been good for me, I wouldn't miss the life we had. He'd want me to be okay, and I will. So will you.
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| 4/26/2008 10:03:05 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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catdoll
Saint Charles, MO
age: 54
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hi cathy its'been 1 year and 8 months since michael died,we were married for 30 years together for 34,for months all i could do was cry, my daughter got me some books about losing someone you love, and when i could start reading again they did help,the pain is unimaginable,but i know micheal would never have wanted me to hurt so bad,and because i love him a am going on,i'm just living in a differant world.iknow that there is nothing that can make it go away,all you can do is keep getting up and living another day,i'll hold you to my heart, cat
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| 4/27/2008 7:24:33 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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phylcopo
Jacksonville, FL
age: 49
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Hello everyone
Its been 6 yrs for me, and trust me it does get easier. I don't think though that a day will go by that I wouldn't think of him. Now I could think of him and remember our life together without breaking down and crying, and it is a comfort to think of him. But when life gets hectic or you have a crappy day, the pity party for me begins...why me, why him, why my kids, the whole thought process, so I give in to the party for an hour or so and then say enough, and I start feeling better, before this party would have lasted until I cried my self to sleep, so in a way it gets easier. The night is always the worse part of my day too, I guess that is when we relax and we start to relive alot of events and you feel the lonliness the most. Give into the feelings when they come and try to meditate and quiet your thoughts, this helps me. Talking always helps especially with others that have experienced it. I hope Kathy that this has helped you....Phyllis
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| 4/27/2008 12:13:42 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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doodlebug123
Dallas, NC
age: 60
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I have just read the views and emotions of Kathy,Phyllis,Aprilviolet & Country lady52. Icould have written those same words. Amazing how losing a spouse that is wonderful is so devestating. It feels good to vent.BRENDA
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| 4/27/2008 10:23:32 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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goofygrama
Pensacola, FL
age: 44
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Sorry for your loss and no you are not alone.
Never feel stupid for venting crying or anything else. Everyone deals with their loss in their own way and in their own time. My husband has been gone for almost 14 months now and I have a 3yr old to raise alone now. You are not doomed and eventually the crying will get less and less. You will never forget, you have a lot of good memoeies to fall back on to make you smile. I had the guilt too but it really helps to talk to others. When the time is right God will put someone in your pathway. Best of luck to you.
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| 4/28/2008 12:23:48 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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ddeming
Republic, MO
age: 61
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Kathy,
Sorry for your loss. This is my second husband to lose to death. 1977 and 2007. Next month will be a year. Any feelings you have are not wrong. You won't replace him, someone new will make a new place in your heart. It is hell, there is no other way to say it. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Keep hugging that pillow, it does wonderful therapy for you. I know what you mean. I sit up late just because I do not want to go into that empty bedroom. Talk about silly. LOL
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| 5/1/2008 3:07:13 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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quiethomebody
Mount Nebo, WV
age: 48
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It is good to know that I am not the only one that hates the bedroom at night. I will sit up until 3-4 am just to keep from going to bed. I miss him so much. I know that I will not replace him in my life. After 24 years together, you do not try to replace them, you just try to find someone that you can be comfortable around. The springtime is really hard, we would be planning our gardens,and home projects. I have the hardest time getting motivated some days to do anything around the house. Have to admit that on those days I am usually seated in front of the computer, reading the posts on here, to get my sorry self in gear. The lists that you make for yourself is neverending, and mostly not done when you read over it and see that so much of it is a "we" job and not a "me" job. I had gotten used to doing most of the things around the house before he died, at the same time,he was there to give me encouragement and I have to say I would do the things just to keep him from worrying about it. Now, just me and the cats and dogs and they don't care if the grass is cut or the house is clean long as their food is ready when it is time to eat. I get so discouraged at times, well most of the time, I am trying to figure out how to pay the bills,work,keep the property up,handle the things that need to be handled when it needs to be, and somewhere along the line try to figure out what is going on with my life. I miss him so much, his voice, his guitar playing,listening to him rant about the news and politicians. I feel everyone's pain because I am there myself. I am trying to make friends, hoping no one moves too fast,if someone did, I would run so far and fast all that would be seen is a dust cloud. It is all baby steps and a whole lot of falling down. Just all remember, we are all on the same boat and it is growing in numbers, some of us will be lucky and find another to ease the sadness, some of us will just drift along and make casual friends. Maybe we all need to get together with lots of crying towels and shoulders to cry on in remembrance of the love we have had and the love we hope to find. Love to you all on here!!!
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| 5/1/2008 5:44:30 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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star2angel
Stateline, NV
age: 55
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That is why I love this group. Each and everyone of us have lost someone so dear to us and have so many of the same feelings. I also will have the pity parties,and the anger that seems like it will crush me, but then my dog comes up to me and jumps in my arms, and I remember I am alive and he loved me so much that he would not of want me to hurt, which I still do. I know that feeling will never go away and I shall carry a piece of him in my heart always. As with others there isn't a day goes by that I do not think of him. But like so many others I could only sleep in our bed. It was strange, I have read where so many could not do that, but I found the comfort there, in fact for so long our bedroom was the place that I stayed in. But to each and everyone of you, my heart goes out to you, and this is the place to vent, to learn from others and just to be a shoulder, even if that shoulder is so far away. I am with you Quiet...sometimes the crying towels would not be a bad idea.
I hope that each day gets a little easier for you. 
[Edited 5/1/2008 5:45:37 PM]
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| 5/1/2008 8:56:00 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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aliejte
Banning, CA
age: 48
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Don't be too hard on yourself. I"ve been a widow for 8 years at the end of this month, Most times I do pretty well,I threw myself headlong into work and have been ever since.this month is still the hardest for me,as well as a few songs.I still think of him all the time .We wre so close that its hard to let anyone that close agian, The daytime is ok..but at night I don't want to go to sleep, Waking up alone still bugs me.Hugging your pillow is ok.You will start to cry less and less as time goes on .then you'll cry for the oddest rasons. You will have some numbing of emotions.Also no will be the same. I still want my "life back" but but know its not going to happen. It's not wrong to look for someone.....I still am. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this situation.My son has fought and tried to interfere any time he thinks I'm interested or someones interested in me and plays the "what about dad " cardDon't let it happen .just go at your own pace Alie
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| 5/5/2008 12:21:22 AM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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1mauibabe1
Lahaina, HI
age: 52
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Kathy
You are not doomed We have all gone through this and the one thing that is SOOOO very true is that we all heal in different ways and in different time. Do not let anyone push you tooo hard... Talk about your life Cry, laugh, and cry some more.... one of the books I read said that crying is healing tears.... to watch a sad movie if you have not cried for a bit... CRY and then watch a funny movie and LAUGH.... My niece made a video of pictures of my husband from birth to his last pictures... I watch that nad cry and laugh at the same time... that was our life..... sooo honey CRY and then Laugh...
I had 2 dogs and one snored.... the other cuddled... They really helped..
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| 5/14/2008 12:46:53 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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donna_p
Smithfield, NC
age: 55
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My Dear Friend Kathy,
I am so sorry to hear of the lost of your mate.No one can tell you how you are going to feel from one minute to the next.I know I was married for 21 years and buried him on our 21st wedding annivsary.Every April is so sad for me but with my Kathy's help I am learning to move on and here is where we both thought would be a good place to start.It is hard to lost your man but God will provide you with peace of mind until you can become with peace of heart.It takes a while and it does take time. As for anyone being mad at the world or at God it is ok,,,the world could care less unless they have had this heart ache,and god has already forgiven us before we got mad,back before time began.Take it oneday at a time one thing at a time and girl talk to us about anything.We are all here because we did lose the one we loved deeply. So yes we will all be here for each other. Yes we will cry together,laugh together and most important of all PRAY together.
God Bless You Kathy
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| 5/14/2008 8:19:45 PM |
from what I have read.......I am doomed...... |
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cagneythecat
Santa Fe, TX
age: 52
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I am so glad I found this place. It has made me feel so much better about what I feel. I hope to talk to all of yall at one time or another. It is nice making friends on line. I just hope that if I do meet someone I really like, that they will not feel threatened by Dan. He and I too were like 2 peas in a pod, George and Gracie, Fred and Wilma....ect.... Laurel and Hardy. I miss him so much. But you know he was so worried about what was going to happen to me, thinking that I am so naive that people would take advantage of me. I think I am a better judge of charactor than he thought. Plus I have my son to "take care" of me. My youngest daughter wants to call each of them and ask their intentions to her mama. LOL
One thing happened here lately though that was kinda strange.... I had come home from visiting someone and most of my husbands hats (about 20) were laying on the floor. The chain they hung from had broken. I finally packed something away. It felt like a sign.
anyway, thank yall again and have a good night
kathy
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