| 8/26/2013 5:01:03 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 9/14/2013 12:16:08 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 9/19/2013 1:07:13 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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utsw
Salt Lake City, UT
53, joined Apr. 2012
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That was awesome!!!
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| 9/24/2013 4:24:54 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 9/24/2013 6:08:19 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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[Edited 9/24/2013 6:10:03 PM ]
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| 9/25/2013 1:10:31 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/a-gallery-of-guys-with-imaginary-photoshopped-girlfriends-2/
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| 9/25/2013 11:36:26 PM |
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crazycowboy48
Nampa, ID
52, joined Mar. 2013
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Couple had been married for 30 yrs husband came home from work finding his wife doing a naked handstand he ask her what she was up to. she replied well since you can't get it up i was hoping you could at least drop it in.
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| 9/26/2013 12:35:00 AM |
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tigerclawz59
Ogden, UT
58, joined Feb. 2010
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How do you turn a blond into a brunette?
Turn her upside down.
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| 9/26/2013 12:39:35 AM |
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tigerclawz59
Ogden, UT
58, joined Feb. 2010
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What is a Moose's favorite thing to put on a hot dog ? Mooseturd 
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| 9/27/2013 3:11:20 AM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 9/27/2013 2:01:19 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 9/27/2013 2:16:58 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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utsw
Salt Lake City, UT
53, joined Apr. 2012
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Good one Rick!
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| 9/27/2013 7:57:46 PM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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Rick you crack me up!!
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| 9/27/2013 9:41:09 PM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
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| 9/27/2013 11:46:49 PM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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Omg motorcycle dude. Haha
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| 9/29/2013 3:46:36 PM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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ABSTINENCE
Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
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| 9/29/2013 3:50:59 PM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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Omg motorcycle dude. Haha
Dude I am a man not a dude lol.
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| 9/30/2013 1:31:21 AM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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Forgive me motorcycle man I'm a silly women who talks different I guess.. but your right your a man not a dude.  I have a corky persenalty I'm bubbly but very sweet so did not mean any disrespect. 
[Edited 9/30/2013 1:33:38 AM ]
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| 9/30/2013 2:16:34 AM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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It's all good.
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| 10/11/2013 11:26:41 PM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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Mine are real too but not that big. Wow what a show off
[Edited 10/11/2013 11:27:35 PM ]
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| 10/16/2013 7:26:06 AM |
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gypsiegirly
Provo, UT
51, joined Nov. 2008
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PS. In retrospect, I guess I'd rather press 2!!!
Bob will
be out of commission for
awhile…Today he was beaten up by a woman.
He was in the elevator when
this busty lady got in. He was staring at her boobs,
when she said, "Would you please press 1..."
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| 10/17/2013 5:28:32 AM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.
The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again but that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first on to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride’s cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt.
This is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie. I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close."
Two weeks ago I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19 with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. F***ing like you wouldn't believe and a** that just wouldn't quite. Every man's dream, right?
As I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my modestly attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.
Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her suttee shameless hunger; but something also, some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol that singe mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later; but that's no the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can here us. And all of the sudden, she sports that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves and it's totally hot, but it makes e sad too because I can't help thinking "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vickie’s just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she’s been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together. Connie, she really is.
So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bath and taking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole oral thing, and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring all I can do is think of you? It's true Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please, let me know.
Otherwise, can you let me know where the f***ing remote is?
Love Dan
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| 10/20/2013 11:53:56 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 10/22/2013 11:06:52 PM |
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tessarella6844
Orem, UT
48, joined Oct. 2013
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The Dog Food Diet
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Dog Chow for Socks the wonder dog and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
I'm retired now, with some spare time on my hands. So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Dog Food Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially the perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Dog Chow nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try the diet again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no. I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
The manager won't let me shop there anymore....
thanks for sharing
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| 11/13/2013 7:10:05 PM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Hong Kong. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys.
The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”
“No problem,” said the physician, “I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician’s shoe and spat in it.
When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it.
The Physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”
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| 11/23/2013 5:52:05 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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[Edited 11/23/2013 5:52:58 PM ]
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| 11/25/2013 11:56:12 AM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 11/26/2013 11:10:20 PM |
We need more comedy and less .. | Page 3 |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 11/29/2013 6:51:25 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 11/30/2013 10:33:10 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 12/7/2013 7:39:45 AM |
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forthehordekt
Roy, UT
34, joined Jan. 2013
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| 12/11/2013 4:40:21 PM |
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forthehordekt
Roy, UT
34, joined Jan. 2013
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Am I going to hell for laughing as hard as I did at this?
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| 12/11/2013 6:44:08 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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Am I going to hell for laughing as hard as I did at this?
Yes. You are.
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| 12/17/2013 8:22:19 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 2/6/2014 2:08:34 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 2/6/2014 4:36:17 PM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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Hahaha^^^^
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| 2/8/2014 11:27:45 AM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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[Edited 2/8/2014 11:27:59 AM ]
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| 2/21/2014 9:52:11 PM |
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rick0123
Salt Lake City, UT
31, joined Jan. 2012
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| 2/25/2014 9:13:14 PM |
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motorcycleman4u
West Jordan, UT
48, joined Jul. 2013
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Damn ninja turtles are everywhere.
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| 3/1/2014 12:16:46 PM |
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dreamofangels
West Jordan, UT
53, joined Jul. 2013
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because f*ck you that's why!! Haha love it!
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