| 8/14/2013 7:17:55 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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Okay don't let the title fool you. I pretty much already know my answer but I'm curious and would like to hear from the wise, un-jaded, and un-biased people. I met an incredible woman a while ago. Eventually (she took her time to do so) she told me she had 3 kids (two girls and one boy) two from her first marriage and 1 from her second. The first husband it just didn't work out and he's pretty cool. The second father, I don't know how she met this retard. The fathers are active in the kids life. The first marriage I can understand...it just didn't work out. The second husband was a mistake in more ways than none. I'm 31 and she's 34 years of age. We were together for 3 years almost and were off and on in between that time...currently she's my ex. Recently I've bumped into her and we started dating again (no title) We had a very long conversation and I've started thinking about many things...
...She's an incredible woman. She treats me like a king, we communicate wonderfully, when she doesn't have the kids we travel when we can, she's my best friend, lover, and the whole nine. She has great kids, well mannered. No baby-daddy drama. The second father can be an a**hole sometimes but nothing I can't handle. She's beautiful inside and out. She's not an infatuation but I know she's damn fine too lol, so I get the extra. But I'm freaking out...I've grown up in the Latin American culture and very family oriented, I mean heavy family orientation. All the immediate men and women in my family started their own families. Though I never let my family decide for me it does bother me that if no one is on the same page I'm not happy. I do a lot of gatherings and BBQ's and I want to invite my mother and my lady and her kids but my mother doesn't want to come around because "they're not her grandkids" (which I understand) is what I get told. When the holidays I'm either with my family and mother or I'm with my lady. My lady is willing to get to know my mother but my mother isn't. I can easily say f**k it and roll with my lady...but what use am I to my lady if I'm not happy. I thrive off family...and if I can't have everyone on the same page then I'm not happy. My lady wouldn't turn her back on her kids for me if she had to choose so I wouldn't turn my back on mine...(she even advised me not to do that either)NOW...me and my lady haven't got far enough to know whether my mother would come around and stop being stubbarn and change.
My thing is, am I tripping? This girl is killing all the women out here in all aspecs, the crème de la crème. She dots i's and cross all her T's with me. Who has been in a successful relationship and/or marriage with a single parent? Because I'm worried that her having 3 kids from two different fathers would only complicate things (or am I over analyzing) with me and my fam or me having a family of my own...or am I just panicking without seeing the big picture? She said she's even willing to give me a child but her time is limited (the womans biological clock or what have you)...I wish I had an older man who had the experience to sit with me and share some good wisdom with me about this...I've googled countless blogs and there are millions of bitter and people with bad experience so if that's you please keep it to a minimum here....I know it pretty much boils down to me and what I need to decide but there are certain things an experience person can point out for me that someone like me who is inexperienced can't....so hit me with your thougths.....
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| 8/14/2013 9:05:03 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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tjl503
Portland, OR
37, joined Dec. 2012
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Too many kids, that's four against one for me from the get. It's an insta-family if shit gets serious. Maybe if I was older and she has three kids who were out of the house. Until then I would rather date a woman with no more than two kids. Divorced twice these days isn't really that uncommon. If a woman has three kids and doesn't have custody of them, that's when I start to wonder about her.
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| 8/14/2013 9:33:39 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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ndpndnt14u
Spartanburg, SC
55, joined Jul. 2013
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I just hope you can afford her habits broh..
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| 8/14/2013 9:56:38 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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suepurmimi
Chandler, IN
68, joined Jul. 2013
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She sounds like a wonderful women and clearly
you care about her but do you love her?
If you love her, all these other things are just situations you will have to deal with. As a Mom I wouldn't be all that excited for my son to marry a women with several children but if he was happy, I would get to know her and her children. Blood doesn't matter with grandchildren.
I was a single mother and I never had a problem getting guys but they had to be someone that I wanted around my children.
It's a package deal, she is this wonderful loving person you describe because of her history and experiences
But as you say, this is your decision. You have to put yourself in the picture and see how you like it. Your Mom will come around in my opinion. Good luck
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| 8/14/2013 10:15:23 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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mrld_ii
Stockton, CA
57, joined May. 2011
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OP, IF what you've written is true...and accurate...and including things you haven't (but appear to be there, between the lines)...
it seems like your mother may be operating in/from a cultural/religious belief from which she may never come around. That is her choice - it is not yours or your GF/future wife's to change.
I've done a blended family successfully on both ends...both accepting the new spouse into a family and being the new spouse accepted into one.
What made it work? My steadfast dedication and belief in - and living and providing an example of - there can never be too many people loving your children.
I refused to be jealous of my ex-husband's new wife who frequently WAS my son's mother; I refused to buy into my new husband's ex-wife's jealousy of my place in her kids' lives. Blood was not important; sharing experiences was. Period.
My mother was ANother grandmother to his children; his mother was ANother grandmother to mine. Blood was not important; sharing experiences was. Period.
It's important to always remember that adage: 'Love is the only thing that gets bigger the more you divide it.'
Having said that, however...if EVERYone can not get onboard, it is assured EVERYone will be miserable - especially you. No loving mother should EVER make a child choose between her or a spouse; no loving woman should EVER make her man choose between her or his mother...but, it WILL inevitably happen.
And, now, it will involve ANother generation of children to watch the fallout and be affected/devastated by it.
Whatever your final decision, make sure it is just that: a final decision - in which you commit yourself 100% to your position within it. If it's over, let it be over...no matter what. If you're in it, get in it...no matter what.
Best of luck to you, OP.
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| 8/14/2013 11:00:53 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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Suepermimi...you were spot on. Taking mental notes.
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| 8/15/2013 5:24:31 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@mrld_ii...Aaaaaah, thank you...you broke it down for me really well. And what you said in the beginning of the second paragraph you're right. These are great things I and many people should know. I hear more bad stories about getting involved with a single parent and to "run" from them than how Someone should go about it. I hear so many talk about the typical difficulties in dealing with a single parent like how expensive it can get and the child/ren arent yours, baby momma/daddy drama and etc but no-one really talks about the issues a single person with no kids who come from a deep rooted traditional family is impacted if thereis lack of support....thank you so much for the good word of wisdom.
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| 8/16/2013 12:30:09 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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coolmanmike33
Middleburgh, NY
38, joined Aug. 2013
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well its her life
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| 8/16/2013 8:40:50 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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muscleman757
Belleville, IL
45, joined Oct. 2010
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Only a fool go through life trying to make everyone happy...
Tell your mother you are serious about the woman you are dating. Let her know your relationship with this woman isn't up for decussion...
I don't know if you already have kids or not but your mother might be afraid that she will not get biological grand children from you as long as you are with the woman with 3 kids.
Do the woman with the 3 kids want anymore kids with you? If the answer is no, I completely understand your mother's point of view...
And no matter what people say, most people want their own biological children. It's natural... If that wasn't true, most of us would have just adopted... It's millions of unwanted kids who need adopting.
Until you answer the do you already have kids question and is the woman with 3 kids willing to have more, no one really can give you a logical answer...
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| 8/16/2013 8:54:12 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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meetme28269
Mooresville, NC
71, joined Apr. 2011
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You don't need this problem,look elsewhere.
Life is happy when it is less complicated. Unless I read it wrong,you are fighting your mother and two exes,not good odds.
Are you sure you haven't confused lust with love?
Keep looking you are young yet.
Good luck
[Edited 8/16/2013 8:56:33 AM ]
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| 8/16/2013 3:02:12 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@muscleman757...She didn't want kids but she mentioned she was willing to give me "one". Though I want 2 I know I'm pushing the envelope lol.
I got past the mother issue at this point after I posted this topic. Me and her had a serious discussion and I pretty much told her what it is, that I respect her feelings of a mothers point of view but this is what it is.
As you go through life you learn so many things. I hear a lot of bad mentions of getting involved with a woman with more than one child let alone one; expensive, baby mama/daddy drama, kids having no respect, stretch marks  (shit I like stretch marks on some women smh), the single mom lacking in disciplining the kids, and many other horror stories. WHAT DOESN'T GET TOLD is how someone should go about getting into an already made family. Many popular sites talked about the obvious on how to deal with what I've just mentioned above and more....WHAT DOESN'T GET TOLD IS what area's of your life as a single person could be affected by getting into an already made family depending on the culture and traditions you've been raised in. Since I don't have experience in this shit lol I'm finding out things as I go along as I'm thinking this through. Also what doesn't get mentioned is that getting involved with someone with an already made family puts a hold in many areas of your life as far as plans go and maybe other things, especially if you two get married. Last but not least, though I know we cannot dwell on what if's it's something that many people such as myself SHOULD take into consideration and that's if I have ONE child by her, how are those other three going to treat my son/daughter when I'm dead and gone.
At the end of the day, I realize it all boils down to me on making a decision. But in making this decision I have to really consider the things I've just mentioned above and what I'm willing to sacrifice and put on hold. And you are right...most people want their own biological children...and I am one of them. I'm extremely close to making a decision, maybe tonight lol. The affairs of the heart can be so unexpected but sometimes I think we gotta use our brain sometimes and think of the consequences than just moving based on our heart and emotions. Anyway, good looking though...I don't have any older men I could run to and get insight on things so yours as any brotha's thoughts are well appreciated....
(AND MY OLDER EXPERIENCED LADIES, YOUR POINT OF VIEW IS DEFINITELY WELCOME)
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| 8/16/2013 3:40:50 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@meetme28269...I know I said a whole lot and may have sounded all over the place in my topic so forgive me, but firstly I'm not fighting my mother. Many mothers (especially with sons) can be very uptight when it comes to their sons, "no woman is good enough for her son" (as a wise man has once told me, my father). So that's what I'm dealing with, on top of the fact that she's stubborn, and I come from a big Latin, traditional, religious family and most of the men in my family are married to their wife's and have their own kids (my uncles and cousins). I'm young 31, no kids, never been married and she feels I should be giving myself a chance to at least experience what it's like to have my own woman, get married for the first time to her, and start my own big family for our first time with her. She's a loving mom so as much as she will grind and spit she's going to be there...just won't be pretty early on lol...
Fighting with two Ex's? NOOOOSSSSSIRRRRRR, not happening lol. You definitely got me out of context on that one but may have been my fault and I should have explained more in detail. It's an Ex of mine I've once dated and we broke up a while ago. We had a VERY good and intense relationship (in a good way). I panicked one day and broken up with her (for obvious reasons). I bumped into her recently and we've been catching up and talking a lot about me and her and she's been really wanting to find out how all of this can be worked out.
I assure you I'm definitely not confusing lust with love. I've matured enough to be able to separate the two. I know enough women to where I can get sex with no problem, I have them and they have me when we want to get our rocks off so satisfying my lust is not a problem. When I meet someone and we click beyond the physical level lust is not in my radar, only how far I can go with that good woman. I'm old fashioned so I'm not a fan of dating women for the sake of being a "boyfriend".
I feel (understand) you...but as I get older I'm learning. I don't fall in love easy at-all and being that I don't, when I DO meet her I love super hard and I've only had two of those in my short lifetime (a high school sweetheart and my current Ex). The affairs of the heart can creep up on you like a thief in the night. Shit I was totally against dealing with women with one child let alone kids.........in till I met her  lol...I CAN TELL YOU THIS! - whatever the outcome is she will be the FIRST and THE-LAST  After this, love or not, I won't allow it to happen again because I already know what to expect......thank you meetmee28269
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| 8/18/2013 10:19:46 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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featherleaf
Minneapolis, MN
35, joined Aug. 2013
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whoa
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| 8/18/2013 6:06:05 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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forumfriendly
Virginia Beach, VA
41, joined Aug. 2013
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these are the women who think they deserve great honest guys! after a life of humping everybody, making a million babies and getting fat and old you decide you deserve the very best
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| 8/18/2013 11:51:16 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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geno757
Norfolk, VA
33, joined Aug. 2013
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Damn dont do it she have to much on her plate homie but if you feelin her then good luck
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| 8/19/2013 2:57:36 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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bannockburn
Lynnwood, WA
51, joined May. 2010
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| 8/19/2013 12:27:31 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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fredman29
Middleburgh, NY
33, joined Aug. 2013
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well trying to get my friend hooked up he loves kids
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| 8/19/2013 9:07:13 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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my2sunshine
Pulaski, NY
51, joined Apr. 2013
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You don't need this problem,look elsewhere.
Life is happy when it is less complicated. Unless I read it wrong,you are fighting your mother and two exes,not good odds.
Are you sure you haven't confused lust with love?
Keep looking you are young yet.
Good luck
This is great advice....make our own family....she already has more than one family.....
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| 8/20/2013 9:46:13 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@debyduz...I'm glad you see where I'm coming from and understand. She is an incredible woman. We both recently talked (on 3 occasions) and come to the conclusion that we will just be friends and not go there again. One thing we've both developed was a friendship and that is something I can cherish. This world is becoming pretty tough and there aren't too many friends out here, good ones. If it were meant to be, it will happen in the future with no second thoughts...but now, no.
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| 8/20/2013 9:49:17 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@featherleaf...whoa is definitely the word lol. Life is such a an interesting thing smh.
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| 8/20/2013 10:09:27 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@forumfriendly...I definitely hear where you're coming from champ. I was definitely one of those guys who had that point of view. But as I'm growing and maturing I'm learning has a way of making people grow up...
...You say, "these are the women who think they deserve great honest guys! after a life of humping everybody, making a million babies and getting fat and old you decide you deserve the very best"...
I understand that there are different women out here with different life experiences and circumstances and a lot of it could have been avoided if they've just had more discipline and restraint, some have never even been TAUGHT to have EVEN discipline or restraint and through that trial and error they had to find out the hard way. All women deserve love including single moms. The woman that don't deserve love from an honest man is the woman who continues to have babies and live a lifestyle that is immoral, reckless, and the list goes on. Your comment, in my strong opinion (if not truth) is for THAT kind of woman. Men aren't exempt from life's trials and tribulations and we better hope there are good women around who can see past our troubled past.
My ex, my best friend is one of those women who didn't have parents there constantly and when they were around they didn't school her on sex. It's a long story about her parents, but it wasn't easy for her back in the day. She was forced to venture out on her own with this lack of knowledge and discipline and a father who was hardly there. She made her mistakes, and through her own trial and error she learned from it. Some women don't (those are the ones to run from). She's matured into a powerful woman in her own right. Her mom is cool now but sadly enough I don't know what much to say about her dad, but I love and respect that man to. She has a Degree, a Career, a house, follows the lord, eats healthy, has healthy well mannered kids, and much more...WAY more than what many of these single moms or single women with no kids can say. An outstanding woman like her deserves love with an incredible man, not a bitter man (not speaking of myself, just in general, I'm far from bitter). Me and her timing were not on the same page. But if any one meets a great single mom and the timing is right...damnit, do it...you can find bad women anywhere, a mother or not. But thanks for your words champ.
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| 8/20/2013 10:13:03 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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brocsanti81
Washington, DC
36, joined Jul. 2013
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@geno757...I like the way you think brotha. Yes she does have a lot on her plate. Way more than I can handle. But it's not impossible you know. If she was all the way around a bad woman and was out here f**kin' everything moving and just getting pregnant like other women I know of, I would have been Usain Bolt'n my a** away from her lol.
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| 8/21/2013 11:33:31 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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rose1206
Gilbert, AZ
36, joined Jul. 2012
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The fact you were questioning your relationship with this woman means that you had doubts. Only you know in your heart what is best for you, not your mother or anyone else in your family. It's good you are realistic about the whole thing though. The best of luck to you!
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| 8/21/2013 5:47:34 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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doublem22
Phoenix, AZ
41, joined Aug. 2013
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Why don't you figure it out yourself and quit asking others.you're smart.
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| 8/21/2013 6:25:25 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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stoneycc
Weatherford, TX
37, joined Aug. 2013
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If shes Your match i dont see anything wrong with it as long a** you can handle being a family man. Man up if you love her
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| 8/22/2013 2:50:12 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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bake2
Ruffs Dale, PA
56, joined Jun. 2013
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I say that if you love her what does it matter what other people think. I was with a woman who divorced 3 times and had 4 kids. I was with her for 9yrs. I became the the kids dad because the fathers didn't want anything to do with them. they're all vrown up now with kids of their own. She died from cancer in 2004, but I was there through it all with her. When she found out she was afraid to tell me because she thought I would leave her and kids. But I didn't leave and that surprised her. I would go on about it if you want to know more. I'm just saying go with it and see if its going to work.
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| 8/22/2013 7:53:39 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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keepslowprofile
Moose Lake, MN
98, joined Nov. 2011
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I think your mother is a jerk.
Family is important and if you stay with this lady, You will fight over the loss of your family. I think you should let her go, if she is all that, then she will find another guy that will be worthy of her awesomeness.
Your mom will be rude to those children and make them feel bad and they wont understand it. If they are good kids then let them have the opportunity of having a new step grandmother that will treat them like special kids and let them call her grandma.
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| 8/22/2013 9:56:42 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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...and
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| 8/22/2013 6:11:26 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
49, joined Jan. 2012
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hmm... 3 kids and divorced twice? I'd probably be very careful and take the relationship very slow.
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| 9/3/2013 10:33:23 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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freakydancin
Sharpsville, PA
57, joined Jun. 2013
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RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON'T LOOK BACK !!!!!!!! 
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| 9/4/2013 2:51:37 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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ram7474
Post Falls, ID
43, joined Apr. 2013
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Am I paying for the babysitter?
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| 9/6/2013 6:59:14 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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meiwaku
Fresno, CA
30, joined Jul. 2013
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i don't think i read your thoughts on the kids. or how you felt, maybe it's late, i'm not sure, but how do you feel on the kids? if you' can't be a positive influence on their lives move on. it's a package deal you're great with her, but if you're not ok with the kids move on don't burden them, they have enough men leaving their lives.
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| 9/7/2013 12:16:01 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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epicureanms
Carthage, MS
46, joined May. 2012
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.
.
I'd rather put 100 chiggers on my ball sack.
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| 10/8/2013 11:34:25 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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dontbelonely
Benton, KY
46, joined Dec. 2012
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Been there, done that. I was fourteen, going to school, working, buying diapers and formula for her first child back in the1984. She was almost a year younger than me. Twenty one year's old I became her third husband and step dad to three wonderful boys. Four months later she was on her back doing what she did best. Been divorced since '91. Ok, granted it wasn't the brightest decision I ever made but I was there for the kids when they needed help the most. Fifteen years later I was back in that state and a grown man yelled "Daddy --- !" Calling me by name and I couldn't believe he actually recognized me. Her oldest boy had kids of his own already and was thanking me for all I had done for him and his brothers over two decades ago. Little snot made my eyes water.
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| 10/9/2013 2:54:03 AM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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ltlwing
Williamsburg, OH
53, joined Oct. 2013
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If you decide to take this relationship to another level with this woman, you would be doing her kids a grave injustice by having them around your mother who is obviously opposed to accepting them.This whole relationship is not about you or her anymore!
Personally I wouldn't stay with a man who's family treated my kids like garbage!...nor will she...if she is a good mother at all!....Would you?
Honestly!...all I see is a whole lot of bickering in the future with this woman...just over this!
Do yourself,her and the kids a favor...by just keeping it a friendship level.
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| 10/9/2013 10:22:46 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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illan615
Holland, MI
56, joined Oct. 2012
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Idiot deleted his profile.
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| 10/13/2013 3:14:43 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON'T LOOK BACK !!!!!!!!
Hills have eyes.
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| 10/16/2013 4:20:19 PM |
Dating A Woman with 3 Kids, divorced twice, your thoughts |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
49, joined Jan. 2012
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OP is skeered and gone anyway, but post is too damn long, geez!
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