| 5/31/2014 10:03:41 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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doobie57z2
Hurley, WI
59, joined Feb. 2014
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I always tried to lead with the whole lifestyle angle on my profiles and it got me banned on POF ,lol. Im not hardcore, but I try to be transparent. Lately chat has been slow, thinking maybe Im putting to much out there too fast...thoughts?
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| 5/31/2014 10:53:04 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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daneene
Allen Park, MI
53, joined Jan. 2014
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I also got banned from POF for my BDSM and D/s lifestyle. They're a pretty intolerant bunch.
I think I would focus on talking to these ladies as people before you look at them as potential D/s partners. Don't hide it- list it in your profile and be honest, but don't make it the main focus of your conversation until someone is interested in you for you.
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| 5/31/2014 2:49:41 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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testsignup
Springfield, VA
63, joined Sep. 2009
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I'm just a logic guy, and have no opinion about your D/s stuff or BDSM, save the obvious basic thing, that I insist that everyone involved is able to choose to be such, and is actively doing so. Same as non-BDSM relationships.
Anyway, I THINK what you are saying here, is that you worry that because you are forthright about expressing your tastes up front, that you are missing out on relationships which would have happened had you been more circumspect, and let on only gradually that you were into that lifestyle.
Just looking at logic, I would suspect that you might well be missing out on the few people who would enjoy what you like, but are in denial, and run away from overt situations. I am skeptical that this would be an especially large number of people, though. No way to know without a scientific poll of some sort (scientific meaning no, you can' get valid answers here).
I would suggest that you focus your energies on HOW you express what you are into. That is, watch out that the way you describe yourself isn't driving off the people who ARE already into it, and who are getting the impression, perhaps, that it is all a mechanical and callous affair to you. Or that it is something you are ashamed of, and therefore (if you want to be a Dom) you can't fill the boots you set out in front of you, so to speak. That kind of thing.
I would GUESS that people in your corner are just as interested in a full-rounded life in addition to the D/s part, as anyone else is. Just a logical deduction suggestion.
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| 5/31/2014 3:13:44 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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jess_is_back
Jefferson City, MO
30, joined Mar. 2013
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I bring it up pretty fast but it depends on where I see the relationship going. If I see just a friend or one time thing I have no need to mentionit. If i foresee a bf/gf or fwb I let it be known quickly.
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| 5/31/2014 3:19:02 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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averageguy6962
Cable, OH
46, joined Apr. 2014
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Jess and daneen have to have the luckiest and happiest husbands (or bf) in the entire world. Lol
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| 5/31/2014 6:07:10 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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tarzansearches
Somerdale, NJ
26, joined Sep. 2011
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I just make a slight mention of it in my profiles. I've had my pof up for years and never had a problem with it (it's mentioned the same exact way on here, too). Feel free to check how I subtly added it; it is towards the end of my [sort of long] profile (note: you likely can't view it from your phone--you'll probably have to pull it up on your pc).
All you have to do is quickly mention it. Anyone who is into it will know. And those who aren't will know not to bother with you. And those who are curious won't be scared off by what may be too extreme off the bat.
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| 5/31/2014 6:18:09 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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baileybug32
Sacramento, CA
37, joined Mar. 2013
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Ds nuts? 
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| 5/31/2014 6:38:09 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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mr_wgk
Denver, CO
54, joined Mar. 2014
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I think wise, logical and courteous/considerate to mention soon as there's an interest beyond friendship AND COMMUNICATION GOES PRIVATE. So the very first private note, email or chat session, phonecall or meeting is advisable... and "VERY FIRST" are the key words here. I don't think fare to spend time getting someone to invest, then you spring this or any ________ (I'd say "deviant" but you fill in the blank) behavior/practice on them.
No need to get DEEP into it. Be mature, clear and respectful but just mention it plus the reason(s) why you mentioned it. ... let the person know you have an interest more than mere friendship, but you're into D/S or whatever. Give the opportunity for the person to acknowledge, ask questions, advance or terminate.
Seems simple to me.
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| 6/1/2014 12:57:21 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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daneene
Allen Park, MI
53, joined Jan. 2014
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I just make a slight mention of it in my profiles. I've had my pof up for years and never had a problem with it (it's mentioned the same exact way on here, too). Feel free to check how I subtly added it; it is towards the end of my [sort of long] profile (note: you likely can't view it from your phone--you'll probably have to pull it up on your pc).
All you have to do is quickly mention it. Anyone who is into it will know. And those who aren't will know not to bother with you. And those who are curious won't be scared off by what may be too extreme off the bat.
Tarzan, i read your profile, and don't see any mention of D/s at all. I see a notation about seeking a poly relationship, but nothing about Domination and submission or a BDSM lifestyle. What did I miss?
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| 6/1/2014 3:24:41 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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mrmojorisin1964
Mobile, AL
53, joined Feb. 2014
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You can read her profile and tell if she has some submissive in her. Just talk to those women and avoid the other ones. Every woman that I talked to on pof was submissive because I know how to read between the lines.
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| 6/1/2014 4:13:30 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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american_ghost
Chicago, IL
92, joined May. 2014
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There is NOTHING wrong with putting it all out there.
It's just that all these "liberated" systems have sissies (and this is ME sayin it!) 
WHO DONT GOT THE GUTS TO EITHER READ AND "TAKE" THE HORRIBLE THINGS YOU SAY ABOUT *CONSENTING ADULTS* OR just click out if they're so fuggin horrified!
NO THEY WOULD RATHER CENSOR YOU.
Like, im not very FOND of gay people but generally speaking they got the right to post. and i have a right to dump a boxcar of cow & horsie on them!!!!!
Online i mean. and if i dont like it AND I DONT i can just ignore them and im im SO weak that i cant ignore them i can block them, not get them CENSORED except under certain more extreme circumstances.
So they're GONNA get you deleted if they can. call you "offensive" and "disgusting" WHILE THEY ABUSE THEIR OWN PETS AND CHILDREN a few feet away from the very computer they FLAG YOUR POSTS ON!
LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyfreakin way, try to find out what you can and cannot "say" on the individual system, even if it's totally UNFAIR AND INEQUALLY APPLIED (COUNT ON IT!!!) and do that.
Sometimes i put things on Dh anyway about being,
dominant
NOT normal
Like to be "a little rough" sometimes. (which in my case IS a little)
but sometimes i get DELETED FOR SAYING STUFF BACK TO SOMEBODY WHO GAVE ME 10X AS MUCH, AND MAYBE EVEN *THREATENED* ME RIGHT OUT IN OPEN!
IM LIKE, GONE, AND THEY'RE STILL HERE!
Sweet...........
anyway you can try to adjust to the INEQUALLY APPLIED Terms just like we have to try to adjust to the laws that favor some people over others.
and as far as in convo with somebody in private, i would sort of tell them VERY SOON so they dont get all upset or disappointed later.
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| 6/1/2014 4:17:23 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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whitl42
Beaver Dam, KY
46, joined Feb. 2014
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If I'm serious about meeting someone.. I bring it up fairly soon.. I need someone who has the same interests and desires sexually
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| 6/1/2014 6:33:40 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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american_ghost
Chicago, IL
92, joined May. 2014
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I FORGOT!
I vaguely remember. If i remember correctly.
POF (Plenty Of Fish dating site) prints above your profile when you're filling it out, something like this;
"Any references that are even remotely sexual will be deleted."
check it out. it's something like that.
Hope that helps.
But if it doesn't, i aint gonna lose any sleep over it!!!
Sux to be you.
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!
I FREAKIN HATE when people do that!!!!!!
But do check out what they post on your screen while you're filling out profile.
I wasn't kidding about that.
  
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| 6/1/2014 10:19:09 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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doobie57z2
Hurley, WI
59, joined Feb. 2014
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Ok good ideas, good points. I have had some success with vanilla women with submissive natures i connected with off POF. Those tend to move slowly, albeit steadily toward their introduction into the kink world. Lately, in seeking new opportunities, I seem to be scaring potential partners off, trying to be open. Its not about wasting anyones time, its about not getting anyones feelings hurt.
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| 6/1/2014 12:26:32 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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tarzansearches
Somerdale, NJ
26, joined Sep. 2011
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Tarzan, i read your profile, and don't see any mention of D/s at all. I see a notation about seeking a poly relationship, but nothing about Domination and submission or a BDSM lifestyle. What did I miss?
You missed a lot! hehe
My profile has music, a cute animated character, different colors, and a large section that is 'hidden' to most mobile and app users of DH.
You see...what happened was...all the coding used ate up some of my profile's character limit, so I wouldn't be able to fit everything I wanted to into my profile. However, I thought of a sneaky way to add to my profile. ^.^ BUT, the mobile site doesn't support any coding added to profiles...so my beautiful creation is missed by many. 
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| 6/1/2014 1:03:52 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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angelc2013
Fort Mill, SC
40, joined Mar. 2013
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Immediately, in a message to the person interested or who may be of interst to you. No need wasting anyones time and no need in wasting energy on a potential relationship that will not make you happy.
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| 6/1/2014 1:45:56 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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daneene
Allen Park, MI
53, joined Jan. 2014
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You missed a lot! hehe
My profile has music, a cute animated character, different colors, and a large section that is 'hidden' to most mobile and app users of DH.
You see...what happened was...all the coding used ate up some of my profile's character limit, so I wouldn't be able to fit everything I wanted to into my profile. However, I thought of a sneaky way to add to my profile. ^.^ BUT, the mobile site doesn't support any coding added to profiles...so my beautiful creation is missed by many.
I'm on a laptop, not a phone. I still don't read anything to do with D/s or BDSM. All that I see there are references to "sweet toys and bondage items" and polyamory. Neither of those has anything to do with basic D/s.
[Edited 6/1/2014 1:48:57 PM ]
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| 6/1/2014 3:34:35 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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tarzansearches
Somerdale, NJ
26, joined Sep. 2011
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I'm on a laptop, not a phone. I still don't read anything to do with D/s or BDSM. All that I see there are references to "sweet toys and bondage items" and polyamory. Neither of those has anything to do with basic D/s.
Usually the mention of bondage items hints to most subs. It also playfully piques some women into wanting to know more about things. At least...it has been pretty effective at this, in my personal experience.
But most importantly, it does let a woman have a "heads up" about bdsm before ever messaging. She is then able to inquire about details. It's not crude. It's not offensive. It's kindly & quickly mentioned. And it isn't a heavily descriptive and in-depth passage--which is what seems to get us deleted on POF. 
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| 6/1/2014 4:21:32 PM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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mysticalsag9
Clarksburg, WV
60, joined Jan. 2013
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Op i could see if this thread goes bye bye
only becouse its no posted under sex and dating or sex and chatting ... but they have forums in here where anything can be mentioned ...so I do not understand why they would delete you for looking for what you want ... and better to mention so you do not waste their time or yours that may not be interested ...
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| 6/2/2014 12:05:53 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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confidentlymee
Folsom, CA
36, joined Apr. 2014
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Bdsm? D/s???? What the hell???
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| 6/2/2014 12:32:37 AM |
When to introduce D/s into the conversation? |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
63, joined Oct. 2010
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Life is short; be honest with people about who you are/lifestyle. Either they are on board or going to let you move on. If someone has to be talked into what you are into sooner or later it is going to go badly.
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