| 8/10/2014 7:43:46 AM |
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frenchrabbit
Fort Wayne, IN
65, joined Apr. 2006
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Recently I became very upset when my ex, talking to our children, referred to me by my first name instead of Dad. She said that is how she knows me. I said OK but, that is not how my kids know me. She knew me that way when we were married and called me Dad then so, why now is it OK to refer to me by name instead of Dad when talking to our kids? Is it because she wants to disassociate my role? Would anyone else out there be offended by this or am I being overly sensitive?
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| 8/10/2014 7:47:43 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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chambella
New South Wales
Australia
95, joined Jun. 2014
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Recently I became very upset when my ex, talking to our children, referred to me by my first name instead of Dad. She said that is how she knows me. I said OK but, that is not how my kids know me. She knew me that way when we were married and called me Dad then so, why now is it OK to refer to me by name instead of Dad when talking to our kids? Is it because she wants to disassociate my role? Would anyone else out there be offended by this or am I being overly sensitive?
I dont think she is disassociating you in your 'role'as their Dad. She no longer refers to you as DAD to make sure you are aware she is no longer tied to you...
But perhaps you can ask her to refer to you, when speaking to your children as "Your" dad.... (eg) said blah blah... "Your" dad is coming over to see you blah blah.."
Maybe ask for that?
[Edited 8/10/2014 7:49:50 AM ]
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| 8/10/2014 8:18:54 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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audyssey
Khanabad
Afghanistan
22, joined Dec. 2011
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I'd be offended.... make her refer to you as "Your Dad" at the least...
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| 8/10/2014 8:57:23 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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micheleisgreat
Pittsburgh, PA
52, joined Nov. 2013
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I'd be offended.... make her refer to you as "Your Dad" at the least...
You can't "make her" do anything... you should let her know that you find this to be disrespectful and ask her to refer to you as" your Dad",
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| 8/10/2014 9:27:48 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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dorval
Danville, IL
96, joined May. 2009
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she is totally out of line..........the only thing that has changed is between you and her........sorry that happened.
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| 8/10/2014 9:33:14 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
50, joined Jul. 2013
online now!
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I see what you're saying op, but as long as the kids call u dad, then u can't make a grown woman call u dad and trust me the mom doing it out of spite
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| 8/10/2014 9:40:26 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
62, joined Nov. 2013
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OP - You are NOT the dad. DNA will prove it. While you were dating / married, the woman had a financial interest in making you think you were the dad. Now that you are divorced, she has little to no such interest in doing so. It is also her subtle dig at your intelligence. Every time she calls you by name, rather than "Dad", she is telling you-AND THE KIDS-that you are not the dad, but you are too stupid to figure that out. It gives her a laugh. Pay not one more cent in child support, until DNA tests prove that you ARE the dad. When the b*tch has to pay for the tests, court costs, etc, she will soon tire of her little joke. ...especially if all the expense was for nothing, because the tests prove that you are the dad. In that case, you can start laughing at her.
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| 8/10/2014 9:59:42 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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fearless8841
North Pole, AK
42, joined Jan. 2012
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It's disrespectful at best. Doesn't she know that if she tries to turn the kids against you, they'll turn against her at some point. The problems you and she had are YOUR problems, not the kids. Remind her of that.
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| 8/10/2014 10:00:59 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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iheartidiots
Grove City, OH
38, joined Feb. 2012
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You are being overly sensitive.
Its not that big a deal. We all have names after all. Be thankful she didn't refer to you as a**hole or d*ckhead.
[Edited 8/10/2014 10:01:16 AM ]
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| 8/10/2014 10:02:20 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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bigdinv
Houston, TX
35, joined Sep. 2011
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Don't answer her unless she addresses you as "Daddy".
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| 8/10/2014 10:14:07 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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zimzane2
High Point, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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Apparently you are being disrespected.
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| 8/10/2014 10:36:53 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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peachy1954
Sacramento, CA
61, joined Oct. 2010
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Count your blessings. At least she is not calling you something less desirable or not speaking to you at all.
Give your kids a break they know you are Dad, ESPECIALLY if you act like a Dad, it really doesn't matter what their Mother calls you. Or tries to manipulate them into calling you. Be the real HERO and don't make it an issue for your kids. Trust me if you fight with the Mom about it you are making it and issue for your kids. If they are calling you by your name the chances are she already has made them miserable drilling them to use your name and after a knowing look between you and your kids and maybe a one time private conversation that goes like " as long as you know I LOVE you and will always be your Dad if you hear other people call me by my name or you do I am not going to freak out." When they are older they can and probably will call you by your name so it is going to happen sooner or later anyway. Depending on the age of your kids they may just be trying to not be Babyish. .
The likely hood IS she is playing spiteful petty games at what she is now calling you; and it is a dig, and yes you have every right to be sensitive about it, but if you accept the bait and let it show it gets next to you then it will only get worse.
Chances are also she is gearing up to get them to call someone else Dad, or someone in the home is trying to have some "Dad authority" is why this makes you so crazy. I know it is a cheap shot and people who do it are stupid because everybody sees right through it but it says a lot more about her self worth that she can't accept that she has a past than it does about you as a parent.
If your kids are calling someone else "Dad" maybe it is just keeping the peace or acknowledging that someone else is helping in that department. If someone is as bad as it hurts AGAIN count your blessings because at least they are acting like a parent and not a buddy that the kid is running over. Know it hurts like hell as a parent to face all this but this is one of the costs of divorce; which is never painless. Sorry.
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| 8/10/2014 10:38:02 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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mylegsarecold
Gainesville, FL
53, joined May. 2011
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And this is just another example of why you should have never married your daughter. 
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| 8/10/2014 11:09:40 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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pjadkins
Peebles, OH
46, joined Oct. 2013
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I would be upset too. But to be honest it will backfire against her. The worst one parent treats the other the more defensive the kids become for the parent. Take the high road. Call her "your mom" and love your kids. They will respect you for it.
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| 8/10/2014 11:27:59 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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hugsnlaughter
McKeesport, PA
55, joined Jul. 2007
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I think she should at least say your dad or your father and not use your first name. To your children, you should still be "dad" no matter what her feelings are towards you.
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| 8/10/2014 8:11:18 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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testsignup
Springfield, VA
62, joined Sep. 2009
online now!
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I'd like to point out another possibility, since you seem to be only ASSUMING negative intent with this, OP.
The other possibility, given your age (you didn't say how old your children are where I saw), switching to your actual name could be an effort on her part to adjust everyone to dealing with each other as adults. I have done a certain amount of this myself, and seen others do it as well.
Rather than JUST protesting it, I would suggest actually asking first. It's possible that your own sensitivity is causing you to assume the worst.
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| 8/10/2014 8:41:38 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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frenchrabbit
Fort Wayne, IN
65, joined Apr. 2006
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OK........the situation is we have been apart for over 20 years. I was the custodial parent and raised the kids alone. We lost one son in 2006. Since then she seems to have realized it is to everyone's benefit that we get along. However now when talking to our grown kids about me sometimes she will refer to me as Dad but mostly by my first name. I have never referred to her by her name when talking to our kids she is always Mom. To me it is as if she doesn't want to associate me as Dad. I have no problem being friendly with her and hold no grudges. We have kids together so we will always be connected. She is their Mom and I am their Dad. To our children we should not be D*ck or Jane. Thank you for your input.
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| 8/10/2014 9:31:50 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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twining
Anderson, SC
23, joined Jun. 2014
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Okay Timmy's Dad.
Nah, anyway, how old are the kids?
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| 8/10/2014 11:29:14 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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don_johnson99
Janesville, WI
55, joined Nov. 2013
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Recently I became very upset when my ex, talking to our children, referred to me by my first name instead of Dad. She said that is how she knows me. I said OK but, that is not how my kids know me. She knew me that way when we were married and called me Dad then so, why now is it OK to refer to me by name instead of Dad when talking to our kids? Is it because she wants to disassociate my role? Would anyone else out there be offended by this or am I being overly sensitive?
Just remember this, your ex is a LOSER. Pay the kids money to have them call you Dad.
END OF THREAD.
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| 8/11/2014 2:04:28 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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ronleeseberg
Mauston, WI
48, joined Jan. 2012
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It is a control thing with some people.
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| 8/11/2014 2:53:50 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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tg_surpher
North Highlands, CA
36, joined May. 2013
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I actually would prefer it when my kids get older to address me in public by name as a sign of respect.... but im not a greek god so father/dad is fine
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| 8/11/2014 2:56:11 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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naturebiy
Bangkok
Thailand
39, joined Jul. 2011
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Do your kids still call you dad?
That is all that should matter..need to get over her.
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| 8/11/2014 4:21:24 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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pickygirl72
Phelan, CA
44, joined Sep. 2011
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Oh god OP your overreacting. Your kids know you are their dad. Who cares how she refers to you. Give your kids love and be the greatest dad you can be. Your ex probably knows it bugs you, so don't give her a reason to piss you off...let it go.
My cousins call their dad "herm" short for Herman. But he is their dad and a good dad at that.
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| 8/11/2014 4:24:15 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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solorider80
Mesilla, NM
35, joined May. 2014
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It's cause they are calling her new man dad. 
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| 8/11/2014 7:24:53 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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norwegianwood64
Fort Payne, AL
51, joined Jul. 2014
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Hell son...let it go, I hear divorced women calling their exes names everyday that would make a reality tv girl blush.
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| 8/11/2014 10:15:12 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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ladybugruth58
Patton, PA
57, joined Feb. 2014
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she is putting you down. my daughter has this thinking to of disrespect. she calls me ruth instead of mom. stop it now, because this is the first signs of how she is degrading you to your children.
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| 8/11/2014 1:39:26 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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sweetmama117
Bronx, NY
55, joined Aug. 2013
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OP you wrote that you had custody and raise your children,
so your children know that you're their dad. If and when
they call you by your name is when you correct them and
tell them when addressing you, you are to address me as dad.
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| 8/11/2014 1:42:58 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
56, joined May. 2009
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It may be only a slip and she's not doing it deliberately.
But it would bother me, too.
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| 8/11/2014 3:05:29 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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romantikind74
San Antonio, TX
42, joined Jul. 2014
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Wow another one this out on the loose .Treat your children with love and respect be happy you don't have to waste another day with this person just a starting of what she has in plan for you a Women that uses her children is a waste of a Women.
They will lie in court to her family to any man in her life blame the world poor me she cried out.
Funny no Women answering this post said (she not done with you )
Yes the truth hurts and is not fare but am being honest That's more then most people
She may learn the day she is dying its time to answer for all her wrongs.
Good luck with yourself and children
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| 8/11/2014 3:40:02 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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ms_holland
Danville, AL
52, joined Mar. 2014
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Op, don't fall for her trick of purposely trying to gall you and get you upset. She is obviously trying to start an argument.
Ignore her. You children know you are their father. Nothing will change that. 
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| 8/11/2014 3:43:10 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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stanleyzee
Dayton, OH
31, joined Dec. 2012
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Last days
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| 8/11/2014 4:01:11 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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soulman_2
Merrillville, IN
34, joined Jul. 2014
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She is just trying to get under you skin. Just be cool. As long as your kids call you dad dont let it bother you. Maybe start doing the same to her.
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| 8/11/2014 4:50:11 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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ms_holland
Danville, AL
52, joined Mar. 2014
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She is just trying to get under you skin. Just be cool. As long as your kids call you dad dont let it bother you. Maybe start doing the same to her.
See op!
Another person who see exactly what your ex is trying to do. Don't fall for her manipulations!
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| 8/12/2014 1:05:12 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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romantikind74
San Antonio, TX
42, joined Jul. 2014
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Aw come-on this things she is doing will inpact the children in some way .
Next time you vist the children .Just say dads here to pick you up leave visit with the children take them back home and dad can't wait to see you again .
And leave with a smile on your face
Treat her with respect and nice in front of the children,but this will let her know your not the same your stronger with out her
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| 8/12/2014 1:44:35 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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stephisicated
Teaneck, NJ
32, joined Jan. 2013
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I would be offended too but she isn't with you anymore. Her opinion and what she calls you doesn't matter. As long as you are a good dad and your children realize that don't worry about the other stuff.
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| 8/12/2014 2:11:41 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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bsweet2caroline
Salt Lake City, UT
32, joined Dec. 2012
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K yes that would piss me off. Whatever you do don't mirror this action and do it back it will only make it harder on the kids & the divorce is hard enough. Just be cool about it as much as she is pissing you off she will eventually tire of it and find something else.
Sorry ex shit sucks.
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| 8/12/2014 3:01:45 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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grneyesrme
Sacramento, CA
47, joined Aug. 2013
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My mom started doing that as well when she divorced my dad. It's weird. She doesn't mean any harm to him by the reference. It's not done intentionally.
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| 8/12/2014 5:29:41 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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forumfriendly2
Norfolk, VA
38, joined Sep. 2013
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she is trying to make you out as another male friend and get the kiddos calling you by name ...it's a ploy spiteful jealous women use ,be glad she even let's you see them!
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| 8/12/2014 11:03:33 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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artist820
Tehachapi, CA
59, joined Jan. 2013
online now!
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You are being overly sensitive.
Its not that big a deal. We all have names after all. Be thankful she didn't refer to you as a**hole or d*ckhead.
Maybe "your dad" but not just. " dad "
" Mexican mom sez "That's weird"
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| 8/14/2014 8:03:56 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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frenchrabbit
Fort Wayne, IN
65, joined Apr. 2006
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I would be offended too but she isn't with you anymore. Her opinion and what she calls you doesn't matter. As long as you are a good dad and your children realize that don't worry about the other stuff.
I agree....good advise. Thanx
Almost the exact thing my oldest son said.
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| 8/14/2014 8:09:25 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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frenchrabbit
Fort Wayne, IN
65, joined Apr. 2006
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she is trying to make you out as another male friend and get the kiddos calling you by name ...it's a ploy spiteful jealous women use ,be glad she even let's you see them!
OK, she had no say if I saw them or not as I was the custodial parent and raised them with very little to no help. I am over it and was just looking for peoples opinion on the situation. Thanks to all.
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| 8/14/2014 10:24:19 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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carolina_chic
Easley, SC
52, joined May. 2014
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Be thankful she isn't referring to you as the. 'Sperm doner'!
It's not really that big of a deal is it? After all you said you've been apart 20 yrs. that leads me to believe your kids are adults. They are old enough to see it for what it is.
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| 8/15/2014 3:19:34 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
47, joined Jan. 2012
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OP I don't think you are being overly sensitive. I also referred to my kids father as "dad
or daddy" when we were in the same house and I still refer to him as "dad or daddy" and we
have been apart for going on 5 years now. Nothing at all wrong with that. He does the same
for me when he refers to me.
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| 8/15/2014 4:28:53 PM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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new2this63
Bowie, MD
51, joined Apr. 2014
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What does it matter what she does? If your children don't know you are dad then you have some work to do.
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| 8/16/2014 4:48:14 AM |
Fort Wayne, IN |
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josfsd06
Sioux Falls, SD
56, joined Mar. 2014
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It's disrespectful at best. Doesn't she know that if she tries to turn the kids against you, they'll turn against her at some point.
So, let this play out naturally.
The problems you and she had are YOUR problems, not the kids. Remind her of that.
Nope. Let her dig her own hole. OP's children are obviously grown. Unless he got a very late start. They have the acuity to figure out mom & dad don't like each other. But, she's disrespecting THEIR father. That brings it's own consequences.
Grow a thicker skin, OP and let it go. If you start a tug of war, with your kids as the rope, you're going to lose.
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